Would you gold dig it?

Ladies, ladies, ladies, I’ve noticed a shift in my readership. I used to get a lot of male commentary, now it seems to be coming from the ladies. Maybe I don’t put out as much as I used to? I don’t know, but there’s nothing wrong with this, in fact I want to take the opportunity to write something for my female readers.

A while back I wrote a post about how men always go on and on about how disgusting a chick is. Gonorrhea, one eye, snot bubbles, dookie booty, a missing toe and a hairy back often times will not prevent a man from still tapping that ass. Slaus even went ahead, (possibly jeopardizing his man card), to explain the three categories men put women into:

1). Id wife her.
2). I'd hit it.
3). I'd hit it if I don't have sh*t else to do, like: nothing is on TV that day. Xbox live account is down.
4). I'd never hit that sh*t. nevah.

So ladies now it’s your turn, but since we are ladies, I guess the question would be more so “would you gold dig it?” Fellas to be fair go ahead and toss in your two cents, but ladies, if the price was right would you…

F*ck with Flava Flav? (Yeah boi!)

Now I know this nucca is black as hell and has like 15 baby mamas, but somehow he still manages to have 20 women per show throwing their wet panties at him. On a good day he will take you out for some fried chicken and while you’re out you might get to sport one of those fancy clocks. I mean who could pass up the chance to possibly get a cool nickname like, “booty-cheeks” or “cherry popper”?

What about R. Kelly?

Now ladies, I know what you are thinking, “he only likes to piss on underage girls.” But I’m sure if you asked him, he wouldn’t mind pissing on you too. Yum!

How about mini me aka Verne Troyer?

Think abut this for a second, because technically he is the perfect height. The money might be soooo worth it.

Joe Francis?

Ok I went out on a limb with this guy, but hey, at least it will be easy to get into one of his videos. Just walk around the house topless and intoxicated.

Why Be A Fame Whore?

It’s official, I’m never trying out for American Idol. Not that I can sing anyway, but God forbid I make it to Hollywood and then pictures of me booty butt naked, on Santa’s lap, in Tijuana start circulating the internet.

I mean does it really make a difference that Idol contestant David Hernandez stripped at a club called D*cks before trying out for Idol? Funny, yes. Relevant, not really. I don’t even watch the show and I still heard about this guy shakin’ his d*ck, for d*cks at D*cks. (hee hee) I guess things would be different if he were to start taking off his clothes live on TV, because I would totally pop some popcorn and tune in, but to my knowledge he hasn’t done this (yet). It just sucks for him, because now he will forever be known as the “D*cks guy”. (hee hee) I would hate it if for every time someone said the word penis people were reminded of me. Almost like how we associate the word vagina with Britney.

I still don’t get why people want to be famous. Especially today when the paparazzi chase celebs down like they are cattle. I don’t know about you, but I think I could make it through my day without knowing where Angelina Jolie took a sh*t or which vein Amy Winehouse’s used to get off.

I guess some celebs are just asking for it like Michael Jackson who looks like my 3rd grade science project, R. Kelly, who needs to be given to charity, (can’t he spend a summer in Africa or something?) and Paris Hilton who doesn’t have any talent, has no choice. (Hey, what are you going to do when your sex tape sells more than your movie?)

The only the plus side of fame (besides the money and the booze) is that I might find some sh*t out about myself that even I didn’t know. I just hope I don’t have any kids, relatives in the Klu Klux Klan or ambiguous body parts. That would be devastating. If I was famous, it would be just my luck I pick a wedgie in public, someone snaps a picture and it gets printed in IN TOUCH magazine with the headline, “Ms Puddin’ Has A Hemorrhoid Infection”. Honestly, if you dug deep enough the most dirt you would get on me is that I fart a lot and I have side burns.

Would you want to be famous if the only catch was the world got access to your deepest darkest secret?

The ABCs of Watching Porn

Creepy older guy is at it again. No not you, that other guy…

Apparently one of the most recent problems in public libraries is “second-hand porn.” It’s not like second-hand smoke, because it can’t kill you, but “oh my eyes! my eyes!”

The concern is that since the library is a public place that serves the community, anyone can come in and use the facilities. That means any guy (girl?) off the street can come use the computer to download porn and whack off. There have been a few instances where officials have actually caught a man strokin’ his shaboinka in a public library.

Another concern of “second-hand porn” is from parents who want to filter the computers so that their kids don’t come across any unexpected pop ups. But if we start filtering the computers the next victim could be their child. Hey I’m just saying. Don’t shoot the messenger. And little Johnny and Betty Sue are going to learn someday. Might as well make it educational. I used to learn from pop up books. There can’t be that much of a difference.

Well, in the meantime, I’ve come up with a solution I think would solve this problem. The library should have a Champagne room. Why not? If we can give people off the streets a place to come in and get a load off, it might reduce some of the crime rate. Of course there is “no sex in the Champagne room,” only self-gratification.

And while we’re at it, why not go ahead and put a bar or lounge in the library too. Libraries are too quiet. Oh and a stripper pole. If there is a stripper pole right in the children’s room, it might scare the children out of the library altogether and we won’t have anything to worry about.

See how good I am at problem solving?

second-hand porn

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Does anyone else find it creepy that R. Kelly and Michael Jackson have collaborated on the new song entitled, “Same Girl” (remix)? (Fast forward to the end to hear MJ).



Other names I thought they should have considered for the new R&B track…

-“Same Under Aged Boy”

-“I Want To Change Your Diaper”

-“Holla If You’re Hairless”


Feel free to throw one in…