Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Angry Pirate

While I’m on the topic of supermanning hos, I have to go ahead and ask a question…

Fellas, I might seem a little bitter if you have been keeping up with my posts on the penis, but work with me here. Y’all do some stoopid sh*t. I’ll admit, us women might do some crazy sh*t, like pop up out of your bushes, sporting a wonder women costume, singing in a whiny ass voice Keith Sweat’s “Twisted”, (not that I have ever done that before) but at some point we have already established, good d*ck = a crazy ass b*tch.

So anyway, I’m at my friend’s house the other night and she has six male roommates, whom are all powered by the penis (men). One of the guys, Big M, was chillin’ with us in the living room, when I turned to the two of them and said, “I’m sorry but I have really bad gas.”

Big M gives me this look like I’m crazy. (I’ve only met him like twice, but whatever, it was a fair warning, right?) We all started laughing and he starts talking about how girl farts actually smell worse because they are so backed up from holding them in.

“I’ve never had a girl I’ve dated actually fart in front of me,” he said. Then he went on to describe how “perfect” his girlfriends have to be.

“One time I walked out on this girl right before we were about to have sex, because she had hair on her boobs,” he said. “It was like long and curly, like a pig’s tail. I just couldn’t do it.”

His comment switched our topic of conversation to sex (of course) and me telling them the true definition of supermanning a ho. And then Big M is like, “oh yeah, well have you ever heard of an angry pirate?”

“No,” I said, not quite sure if I really wanted to know what it was.

“It’s when a girl is going down on you and you’re about to cum, so you pull out and nut in her eye,” he said. “Then you kick her in the shin.”

He proceeded to stand up covering one eye with his hand while hopping up and down on one foot. “See, get it? She’s an angry pirate.”

Wait, hold up, just stop right there! So my question is, man you just nutted in my eye, why you also gotta kick me? Honestly, is that really necessary? I’m already mad I got juice in my face, but you gonna kick me in my shin???

See, get it? The penis is stoopid…

58 comments:

Caesar Cannon said...

yooo! that's outrageous! I never did that before. the next casual encounter I have, I'ma do that and calmly walk out the room.

oestrebunny said...

Yes it is, it's just unfortunate that the stupidity has to spread throughout the rest of their body.

BlogXilla said...

This shit was funny as hell.... oh this is my first time stopping by. But he was joking he wasn't serious. I actually blogged about the R-Kelly Thundercat Joust Match yesterday. That when you make your girl go take a pee, and right when she's done you run at her full speed and shove your penis into her while screaming.... HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah it's just jokes he probably read it somewhere on the internet.

But you shouldn't have left out the part where he was smoking that greeen. lol great blog one of the best i've read in a long time.

maverick said...

lol...tht was funny...tht dude had sum imagination...weird tho :D

Diva said...

If he's lucky enough to get a blow job and spew forth his shit, he should at least have the common decency to aim at the damn wall. Angry Pirate my ass.

anonymousnupe said...

Naw, it's not that we're collectively stupid, your girl's roomy is just an idiot of his own accord (there's proof at the end of this comment in parens). If a sister is gonna grace a brother with some juice-inducing fellatio, why in the world would we try to inflict bodily harm on our benefactor?!! ESPECIALLY WHEN HER KNEE JERK REACTION MIGHT BE TO REACH OUT AND TWIST THE NOW-FLACID OFFENDING MEMBER!!!

(Besides, unless you’re a master of Southern Shaolin Lotus Flower style Kung Fu, isn't it physically impossible to kick someone in the shin if she's down on her knees--or in practically every other "heading" position known to man? The thigh, yeah, maybe, but the shin? Proof his story was bogus and he was just trying to get you to picture him with his in your mouth.)

I swear I’ma lose my man cards for all the insider dope I be droppin’ up in hur. Will someone please take me in when I do? "Hey! Dude! You could put an eye out with that thing!"

Hex said...

Kinda like what blogxilla said, it was just a joke.

Have you ever heard that expression, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?"

yeah, well with a lot of dudes What happens in Maxim gets emailed to everyone you know, memorized and then claimed as something you've actually done.

..all a part of our boyish charm!

Don said...

LOL!

I can't lie, that was funny what he said. I don't think no one really does that. At least not the shin kick.

lol @ you giving a gas warning

UBERMOUTH said...

It's a shame that penises come with such a waste of useless flesh( the man).
You look fantastic in that pirate outfit!

Ms. Behaving said...

Ms. P girl...you are funny as hell!!! [LMAO]

Now about that kick in the shin...I wish a muh fugga would!!!

Miss B said...

OMG!!! That is sooooooooooooo hilarious!!!

but why the kick in the shin?!?! Men are stupid!!

Love your blog btw!!

Still_Pocahontaz said...

UMMMM....HMMM Okay, if you jiz in my eye that's one thing, but if you kick me, expect that ass to get kicked right back!

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

Do men actually do this kind of shit? I mean seriously, if a dude were to pull an "Angry Dragon" or a "Hot Carl" or a "Bitter Dolphin" I would be shocked.

Granted, hearing about them makes me laugh my ass off!

Ms.Lady said...

thats cause for a swift kick in yo' nuts with view from my one good eye!!
The f*ck you kickin' me for??
Now we both lookin' stupid, me hoppin' and covering one eye
and you??
hunched over cuz' yo' nuts hurt!!
Oh well!

Deutlich said...

I really needed that laugh just then. And I thank you.

And men are fuckin' LAME sometimes. Seriously.

Skoolboi Krush said...

Yeah, I can't really see myself kicking someone that just blessed me with some fire head. I was even more disgusted at that song when I found out what Supermannin' a Hoe was. Almost as bad as a Dirty Sanchez! LOL

MsPuddin said...

cannon- after kickin’ a female, nothing calm is going to be about the situation. I know if it was me, please believe there will be a problem…

bunny- it’s a virus that started at the tip of the penis…

blogxilla- long time…: ) see at least we got some R kelly footage, this whole pirate thing, I don’t know if there is truly any evidence…glad you enjoyed yourself…

maverick- yeah I can’t tell if those thoughts were provoked by the penis or stupidity..

diva- thank you…

nupe- I never even thought about that…how the hell is he gonna get to the shin? I guess after he squirts her eye she lightweight moves in reaction and that’s when he gets her. Hey you might lose your man card, but your scoring pussi points, so your card might get reinstated…

hex- charming indeed…so maybe he read it in one of those magazines, in the cartoon section and is waiting to try it…what a shameless idiot…lol

don- for real, he should give a heads up on the kick like I did on my gassiness…

ub- thanks! Really though, taking up all this space…!

ms. b- ha ha , I wish a muffuca WOULD lol

miss b- welcome!! Glad you can join in on the fact men are stupid, now if we can just get this in writing and to someone who can fix the problem…

still_p- I’m not havin it!!

chard- angry dragon??? Do I even want to know? Jesus, can’t we just have missionary sex and call it a day…

ms. lady- lol hell yea I’ma kick you SOMEWHERE in return…

deutlich- your welcome…I’m glad I have others to roll my eyes and laugh at this stupidity with..

skoolboi- aw sh*t! what do you know about the dirty sanchez??? lol

Karrie B. said...

oh no homegirl!!! i can't standddd the cum of a man...sometimes it smells like clorox, other times it's...nvm, but yea!the nut in my EYE is one thing, but then you wanna kick me? time to start cuttin throats.

-karrie b.

Steph said...

lmao! Sorry but that shit is funny. Having said that, if some guy shot a load in my eye and then kicked me, he'd be wearing his balls somewhere up around his nostrils.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Guys like him give us a bad name.

But still, Angry Pirate is good for a laugh.

anonymousnupe said...

So, Ms. P., what exactly are these "pussi points," as you so eloquently dub them, and, most importantly, how does a brother cash them joints in?! Do I bring them up to the counter after I've amassed enough?

And, just an observation, if I may: I find it quite intriguing (and, well, mildly arousing) that so few of your female commenters have not even the slightest problem with the whole notion of giving head to the point of...emancipation, and then catching it in the face (let alone the eye)! It’s that kick to the tibia that sets them off.

Y'all freaky in hur. I like it.

Monica said...

you think angry pirate is bad? good thing you haven't head about the gorilla, the steamroller and numerous other disgusting acts!

marky said...

yer pretty. i'm just wonderin why you always scrunch up yer face and frown and stick yer tongue out.

Bella said...

Very entertaining Ms. P!

Sojourner G said...

WTF? I never heard of no....stuff...like that in my life. In the eye? Then a kick? That sounds like a two for one sale on rediculously stupid ish!

Ms.P...luh you...but seriously consider upgrading your conversation partners.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

so u just been raping and pilliaging LOL

James Tubman said...

sex is all about culture i believe

we didn't behave like that before we were captured and bought here

to many africans on the continent before slavery, sex was a sacred act

in many west african cultures they used to pray before having sex so that it could be a sacred union

when we were captured and put into slavery we were forced to denounce our own culture and adopt the culture of the people who enslaved us

so you can't blame the idiots who perpetuate these horrible sexual rituals

gotta look at the culture that created it

sorry lol

Marcus LANGFORD said...

Though I do not have much to say on the post, I think the picture of you in the pirate get-up is cute [blushin'].

Marcus LANGFORD

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

..... I dont even have shyt to say for once.

How are you going to dot some girls eye, then kick her in the shin though. That's just unsavoury and uncalled for.

Like.. fellas. It sounds hilarious but what if a woman was going donw on you like crazy. Till they make that KOK sound with thier throat.

But then just as you are about to bust, she bites the heads real hard, then when you wretch over, she upper cuts your ass like RYU on street fight.

that would be fugged the fugg up.

MsPuddin said...

karrie- they say if you change your man’s diet, his cum will taste better. But good luck with that. “Hey babe if you eat more veggies, I’ll swallow.” Lol

steph- yeah I’d have to do some redecorating myself…

bug’s butt- I don’t see what is so funny, lol, nevermind it is kind of funny…

nupe- well since you have observed some of my readers to be freaks, maybe they will let you cash in those points…

monica- hi!! Yeah I head there is more, not quite sure if I want to know what they mean exactly…

marky- thank you…it’s my signature face…

bella- : )

sojourner g- I’m telling you…I don’t want to hear about another superman, pirate, dirty sanchez…ever again!!

torrance- can’t rape the willing…(it’s a joke)

james- yeah this culture blows, (no pun) I mean at least we don’t have to have sex JUST to reproduce, but damn I think we ve taken it to a whole other level…no respect, or appreciation…

marcus- why thank you…* blushes back *

Obesio said...

Why would you pull out as you are about to cum? If the young lady in question is taking her responsibilities seriously she will be gobbling your knobblerod deep and taking every drop of your precious load in her throat.

Afrodite said...

This further proves that I am soooooo not hip to the sex game.

Karrie B. said...

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ slaus. omg...like, i'm really here laughin' out loud. "KOK sound"...omg

-karrie b.

MsPuddin said...

slaus- we must have posted at the same time??? What in the hell is the KOK sound?? For real though, think real hard about that one fellas before you act, you might be better off without the kicking…

obesio- LOL!!! Kind of makes sense and kind of makes me mad at the same time…

afrodite- you re missing anything…

Koffee Dyme said...

LMAO... i hear you girl... its true what you said...

Smitty said...

LO-FUCKIN'-L!

"KOK" sound? Slaus? Only a dude who's heard that know what it means....

Yeah...I don't know any woman who is gonna let me bust my spooge in her eye let alone kick her. might as well punch her in the other eye then kick her in the shin. Call her ass a "Angry blind Pirate"

I sure no man has done this. Cause if a woman is nasty enough to let you spackle her eye she's not gonna be mad if you kick her.

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

You know like.. that sound : " KOK ". when a woman takes the jibby too far back and its past her gag reflex. It's like she wants to gag and cough up dick, but she ain't going to.

If you ain't heard the KOK sound ladies its cuz of either two reasons.

You are an absolutely pro who doesn't even know what a gag reflex is.

two, dude aint overly long to the points he's pushing your tonsils out the way.

Well there are two other reasons you haven't heard it: You dont watch porno,

b). you aint giving head which means your azz needs to be shipped to the bottom of the atlantic. ol selfish heffa.

and before you send me to the corner Puddin, :: runs back to my own blog ::

marky said...

i want to see you without signature face doll. I know you're hiding your extreme hotness. I'm fanning you.

eclectik said...

The visual is Hi-LARRY-US
Then she should have to stand up on the bed and walk the plank

I dont need/want any of that; just to wear some thighs as ear muffs

...some ankles by my ear

Okay, I'll call it downhill skiing :)

e.

Busy Bee said...

girl you are off the chain and I like it!That story was wild.

The Bee is out!

MsPuddin said...

koffee- I’m tellin’ you…stoopid

smitty- you basically just described the strawberry shortcake. My cousin says that’s when you nut in a girls face and then punch her in the face…man this is some R Kelly sh*t…

slaus- yes please leave, I took a survey and my blog is only rated PG-13 so all this KOK bidness gotta go! Agh! LOL that is nasty though, fcked up part is now I know what you are talking about. * ahem * from um, well, I read it in a book…

marky- I got you, next post is for you : )

eclectik- hmmm, so as long as after the whole ankle ordeal you don’t punch me, that sounds like a date! Let’s go skiing!

busy bee- ! welcome…glad you liked it, more to come…

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

Hmph. Cant do nothing 'round here.
Im always in trouble. I havent even done anything and ok im lying.

fiiiiine. :: sets ignance to pg-13 levels ::

marky said...

thank you dahling

phishez_rule said...

I don't get why guys like to fuck around with women when they're getting a blow job.

Do they not realise they have teeth wrapped around their dicks?

Marleaux said...

Lmao at this whole story.

First off I’m jealous of your friend for getting to live with 6 dudes; I only get to live with one. I'm positive that he would be against any more dudes moving in our one bedroom. Wouldn’t hurt to ask though *hunching shoulders*.

Second, I'll take the pearl necklace any day, that's if I had to make a choice between the two, because of course I’d pass on both. I wonder of the kick was a reflex too.

c.watson said...

I've been out of it. But as always your blog puts a smile on my face (even if sometimes I'm a smidge on the disturbed side).

Since I wont be seeing you as much I will now have to stalk you electronically.

So@24 said...

I dunno Pud. I think the penis is fuckin' dope.

External genitalia is the shit.

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