Technically Not Very Savvy

Hey everyone I invested in a web cam !! Whoop! Whoop! This is my first V-blog, ever, choppin' it up with Jeromi...



And dancing with Chris...



Thanks for all the love, lovers!! (Chat with me on woome. (Same email, same name, MsFreshBananaPuddin).

It's like MySpace, but creepier. * thumbs up *

Youtube + lots of free time = a new way to enjoy dance music ...

Yes, Fatty Is Hungry

Ok I need to know how much cookie dough does it take before you die?

I’m serious. I have been grubbin’ lately. My roommate’s friend saw some of my pictures on MySpace and asked her, “How does your roommate stay so thin?”

She’s like, “I don’t know, all she does is sit on the couch and eat popcorn.”

This is true, but sometimes it’s popcorn and other times it’s using nacho cheese or a tub of butter to dip my rack of lamb into. The weirdest part is that I really don’t work out. I would rather get a dick up the nose or see Bush re-elected as president than go to the gym.

The most exercise I probably got all last week was walking to the car to go out to dinner with my friend. When we got there, at first I had water and a glass of wine. Then I had a small salad with ranch and the shrimp appetizer. Then I ordered the Lemon Herb Chicken with asparagus, a side of mash potatoes and a side of rice. Then I had a shot.

I know I’m not pregnant. You have to have sex to get pregnant. Although I hope I don’t start looking like I’m pregnant. The day I look down and can’t see my own vagina, I might need to get up and run around the block or something…

Oh! I found another blogger with the right idea, a boyfriend application. Feel free to apply.

Well if you really must know...

Armpit! Yay!

F*ck tagged, I got attacked by, Hadassah, Afrodite, Lady c, and Monie. Canon tagged me too, but then he took it back. Whatever, I don’t know why y’all want to hear more quirks about me anyway. We already know I suffer from insanity. If I give up anymore information, someone might have me committed.

Well, here goes…

1. I think I have OCD. Every time I leave the house I have to come back and check and see if I locked the front door or turned off the flat iron. God forbid my apartment burns down because of something hair related.
   
   
2. I’m a really big movie buff. If I haven’t seen it, I’ve heard of it. I also like going to the movies by myself. I can sit where I want.
   
   
3. I really hate cuddling, especially after sex. I’m feeling DL when he was like, “move, scoot over, it’s hot!” lol Don’t get me wrong I like a nice bear hug every now and again, but you can keep all that spooning to yourself, playa.
   
   
4. I really need to clean out my refrigerator, my car, my closet, like pretty much everything needs some attention.
   
   
5. I like going to strip clubs. The ones that serve alcohol preferably, because it’s the quickest scheme to getting drunk fast. You see, the guys that go to strip clubs think that if they liquor you up then you’ll hop up on stage and they’ll get a nice random amateur show. Not gonna happen, but thanks for the cocktail homie!
   
   
6. I really hate when I bump into someone I haven’t seen in a long time and they’re like, “damn you look like you lost a lot of weight.” Um, thanks for the compliment, but I don’t ever remember being that big in the first place????

There! Now I’m taggin’ kiki, smitty, Q, that saddity chic, 12k and Sabina.

1. Link the person who tagged you…

2. Mention the rules in your blog…

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

In the meantime...

I guess since there are a few stragglers in the competition, I’m going to go ahead and hold off on the judging. I wasn’t planning on posting until then, so in the meantime, she’s f*cking Matt Damon...



...and he’s f*ckng Ben Affleck...

Where's Puddin'???

Amongst the feathers and Vegas showgirls, lurks some Puddin’. If you can spot the Puddin’, you will get… * drum roll please * …a whole lot of nothing!!! Yay! Hey, at least it's Friday...

When it rains, I get random phone calls...

Yesterday was a strange day. I actually went to work on time. I didn’t do much all day but sit at my desk watching the rain sprinkle onto the pavement and cars splash puddles on pedestrians. I did, however, witness a few couples screaming their brains out at each other in front of the building.

At my day job the office is joint with attorneys and therapists. Random? I know. Around lunchtime there was a couple who had just finished up a counseling session and started walking out the front door when I got a phone call. I’m on the phone with my friend for maybe about ten minutes before I finally tune into the yelling coming from right out in front of the building. I look out the window, the couple is still standing outside and the husband is ripping the wife another one.

I wish a n*gga would, in public, after a therapy session. So he growls around for about ten more minutes, when eventually they split off and go in separate cars.

Divorce! * cough * *cough * Divorce!

Then not even like five minutes later I hear a woman, with tears streaming down her face, walk past the office window. She’s screaming at someone behind her in a whiny voice, “you never listen to me!” Walking a few feet behind her is (I’m guessing) her man, who is like, “yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.”

The irony of the day is that married guy called me. Whoa, talk about random and awkward. Unless it is a position I wake up in after a night of drinking, I don’t do awkward.

I don’t even know why I answered. I knew it was his number, I guess I was just bored at work. For those of you that don’t know, this is the same guy who didn’t brush his teeth for a week because he used his toothbrush to clean his watch. The same guy who married his wife because she cleaned his Jordans without him asking. (Oh wow! She’s a keeper! Is that all I have to do to get a man? Clean his shoes and buy him a toothbrush?)

Well, if his title doesn’t already give it away, he’s the guy who casually tossed in the fact he was married after we were already dating for three months. Bastard. And let’s be honest I was kind of deep in it when he told me, so yes, the relationship lingered at little bit longer.

Why did he call? He basically wanted to apologize for how things ended between us. He felt bad about our situation and wanted to treat me to dinner or a movie. Something about preserving our friendship because I made him happy. All I really heard through the phone was, blah, blah, blah, dinner, blah, blah, blah. Whatever, I’m over it.

On another note…

This just in...

I think anonymousnupe just solved my dream dilemma with “The Hairbrush Song”...



see post below to read my about my dream. And yes I'm bored at work...

A Taste of Fresh Banana Puddin’

Ok all, this post might be a little different from what you are used to. For the record I am not trying to be funny here and I didn't mean for this to turn into confessions of Ms Puddin'. This is just something I am going through right now and I have to get off my chest …

I know that I joke around a lot about crossing over to the other side --well the opportunity presented itself Saturday night. I went out with a girlfriend of mine and got hit on by a chick. I mean but this girl was serious. She told me I was beautiful and that she wasn’t full on lesbian, but she was attracted to me and wanted to get down with the get down. (Of course if a guy spit that line at me, things would have went down a little different).

And don’t get it twisted, this chick did not have a buzz cut and baggy jeans. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). She sported some tight pants, a pretty face and long hair. I gave her my number. I do check girls out from time to time, but never in a sexual way, more so in a comparing the of goods sort of way. Checking out the competition.

Now I know what people are thinking, please judge me. However, first let me break it down and put something into perspective. Here is what I believe about women who experiment or cross over to the other side. I believe that when a woman has been treated so f*cked up by a man, she sometimes can find the companionship and love from a woman that man was unable to give, while she is trying to move on.

I know some of my friends read this blog and they are going to call me like, “Puddin’ what in the hell is wrong with you?!”

Wait please let me explain. I will never give up men. There is something about certain masculine qualities that do it for me, no question. But I am going through it right now in the dating department. I’m bored. So when I get bored I call my ex and he is an asshole. Period. I have verbalized multiple times how bad he is for me and yet I still let him have control over me. No he’s not physically abusive, but mentally he has messed my head up and turned me into this girl that I don’t know. I won’t go into detail of some of the things that he put me through, (trust me it is not worth the detail), but I am very insecure because of him.

It’s sick, because don’t get it twisted I get hit on, holla’d at, talked to and basically attacked all the time. People are always telling me left and right how beautiful of a person I am on the inside as well as on the outside. And it hurts because I go home, look in the mirror and think to myself, “I just don’t see it, what are these crazy people talking about?”

I know everyone has their own insecurities, but mine lead me back into the arms of someone who isn’t right for me. I’m always looking for approval from this man. I don’t want to change him. I’m waiting for him to change me. Deep down I know that is something I have to do for myself. When I am ready. And right now I just don’t have it in me.

So if she calls I am going to answer, but this is curiosity and temporary. I have never really seen myself going there. I could never see myself doing anything with another chick, especially that. I would never have the balls like she had to approach me and see what the business was. She even explained to me that she didn’t want a girlfriend. I don’t either. I just want to feel good about myself again and be happy even if it is coming from a woman instead of a man.

*This is a testimony not a coming out of the closet moment.*

Attacked again...

...this time by a Meme, from the lovely, bella...

Four things I like to cook
1. I
2. don't
3. cook
4. but turkey tacos are my specialty

Four qualities I love in people
1. a sense of humor
2. the ability to keep it real
3. passionate about something
4. people who have a good sense of who they are and where they come from

Four places I have been
1. NYC
2. Hawaii
3. Las Vegas
4. Houston

Four things in my bedroom
1. stereo
2. pictures
3. clothes
4. a mess

Four dirty words I like
1. wouldn’’t
2. you
3. like
4. to know

Four people I’m taggin', prune juice, miss kitty, miss pocachontaz and steph…

PS- CHECK ME OUT! (Don this is for you)...

E = mc Such N Such

I used to be really bad at math.The last math class I took was remedial. Seriously, that’s what the class was called, “remedial math.” And I still struggled. Back in high school I took algebra twice and geometry three times, before I was able to pass. So it’s a good thing I can right.

Well anyway, I came across a new blogger named Thembi, who lead me to this site and I think I totally understand math now…

Puddin' Post

Signature Face

Those who read my blog might already know that I have a signature move. I did some more observational research on my camera whoring and discovered I also have a signature face. It might also explain why I am single…

Yes people like to grab my boobs, don't be jealous...

A Good Investment

I recently read an article in ELLE magazine about two guys who started up MyFreeImplants.com. It's a Web site where women can get men to buy her fake boobs.

Literally she creates a profile, pasting up slutty pictures of herself, kisses a bunch of ass and men donate money into her boob account. If a woman makes enough money for her implants, the money goes straight to the surgeon. If she doesn’t use it, the money goes back to the donor. Kind of like MySpace, but the creepy guy that wants to add you as a friend, is a good thing.

I made a profile. I’ve had it for about a week and I’ve made $0. No donations, no messages, no feedback. *Sigh* I guess Fresh Banana Puddin’ isn’t so popular after all.

Does anyone have any suggestions to make my profile more appealing (whorish)? Or would anyone care to donate $$$? I work for quarters…

*Disclaimer* I don’t know if I honestly want the boobs, just more curious to see if this thing works…

Where did all the bloggers go?

Ok so this week I have been stopping by all the blogs I usually read and no one has been posting. What is going on? Is there some offline blogging convention and I didn’t get the evite?

Am I the only one holding down the fort this week?

I just posted another short story on http://www.mspsnothings.blogspot.com/ in case anyone is as bored as I am and needs something to read...

Happy Hump Day

Oops, yes y'all, I talk about Britney once again...

I spent another typical American afternoon reading up on some literature of Britney Spears' whereabouts. I really had nothing better to do today. Nothing.

I'm probably late to jump on the 'let's talk about Britney bandwagon', but I can't help it. It's just too easy. I was glad to see on perez today that she had grown out her hair long enough to be entwined with some tacky hair extensions. A slow improvement, nonetheless.

I never really was a Britney fan, but for some reason now I am. She totally rocks! She’s just as f*cked up in the head as the rest of us. Right on. Anyone who manages to f*ck up their life that much in such a short period of time gets mad kudos for real.

I thought I had issues...

Watching Britney destroy her career is like watching porn. It's probably bad and I shouldn't be doing it, but I just can't seem to look away. However, most people view porn guilt free so I guess I should enjoy watching Britney.

I still can’t for the life of me understand how she went from this...











to this...

to this...

Wait, let me do that one more time from this...
(yes, this was Britney)…

to this...



















wtf was she thinking y’all????

All that damn shopping she does and this is the best outfit she could come up with? I mean I can forgive her for the uggs and the shorts with the pockets hanging out. I can look past the fact that she's lighting up a smoke and she's not wearing a bra, but the red hair tie, has got to go.

I took the liberty of re-writing some of her lyrics into a mega-mix, here goes...

Her loneliness is killin' me, I must confess I still believe (she might be pregnant) hit me, baby, with your umbrella-a-ah…give me a sign, shave your head one more time!!