Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Yes, Fatty Is Hungry

Ok I need to know how much cookie dough does it take before you die?

I’m serious. I have been grubbin’ lately. My roommate’s friend saw some of my pictures on MySpace and asked her, “How does your roommate stay so thin?”

She’s like, “I don’t know, all she does is sit on the couch and eat popcorn.”

This is true, but sometimes it’s popcorn and other times it’s using nacho cheese or a tub of butter to dip my rack of lamb into. The weirdest part is that I really don’t work out. I would rather get a dick up the nose or see Bush re-elected as president than go to the gym.

The most exercise I probably got all last week was walking to the car to go out to dinner with my friend. When we got there, at first I had water and a glass of wine. Then I had a small salad with ranch and the shrimp appetizer. Then I ordered the Lemon Herb Chicken with asparagus, a side of mash potatoes and a side of rice. Then I had a shot.

I know I’m not pregnant. You have to have sex to get pregnant. Although I hope I don’t start looking like I’m pregnant. The day I look down and can’t see my own vagina, I might need to get up and run around the block or something…

Oh! I found another blogger with the right idea, a boyfriend application. Feel free to apply.


Boyfriend Application

30 comments:

John Barleycorn said...

"Dick up the nose."

Goddamn you're brilliant.

deutlich said...

i HATE that w/age it becomes harder to be a lazy ass about this type of thing. it's like 26 was the magic number

af;lkajf;lkja

The Doggy Did It said...

Damn girl, I AM pregnant, and I don't eat that much at one sitting. You go.

c.watson said...

Ok if when you look down you see your vagina on a regular basis you might want to try and find some of those missing panties. I'm a huge eater too and don't gain weight, I figure I have to do all my eating now before my metabolism gives up on me and I get fat.

Tiff said...

Hahaha...I'm the same way. I never stop eating and I don't gain weight at all. What scares me is the day this might stop and my metabolism makes me turn into a cow. =)

Slick said...

Geeeezus Puddin, I wouldn't be able to afford a date with you!!

achoiceofweapons said...

Ok, so like dig, I think you may have a tape snake in there or it's possible that you have hollow legs, you feel the legs up before you stomach gets full. It's possible! LOL
Jaycee

Eb the Celeb said...

I dont want a BF... do they have a appply to be a summer love application on that site?

G-Sweet said...

ur alternative for working out are evil... ur funny as hell...

Narm said...

Wow we are soul mates. I eat constantly and (until the last 6 months) never ever gained weight. It is so bad I have to pack bags of snacks when I go out to eat because I always get hungry waiting for the food. That and I consider the word "buffet" to be pillow talk.

karrie b. said...

ughhh i'm 1 of those skinny girls that cant stop putting food in her mouth too, although i'm sure u cant tell.

-KB

Sabina said...

I eat everything too, but I'd probably be obese if I didn't run constantly.
Um, doesn't dancing count as exercise? I think that may be your explanation.

Suite B said...

What in the hell is wrong with you?

BTW it takes 4 rolls of raw cookie daough intake before you die. And it takes 167 cookied cookies before you die. Be careful...and if you die please have at least 100 saved post on your blog so that my life can have purpose.

UBERMOUTH said...

After that post,you will now be the most hated girl on the sphere. :)

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

LOL to the opening query.

Stew said...

well you know you are going to have to curb that eating eventually. you metabolism will not always be lightning fast. and once it slows down you will EXPAND.

but i find it weird that you can look down and see ur vagina now......but i am assuming that you are not talking about standing up and looking

MsPuddin said...

John b- I know. I try. * blows on hand and wipes on shirt *

d- fck! Don’t tell me that! ok, I’ma get up as soon as I finish this cookie dough…

doggy did- lol ok was that supposed to make me feel better?

c.w.- yeah you re pretty fcking tiny bitch. When your metab goes let me know, that’s when I will really get worried.

Tiff- welcome! Moo!

Slick- sorry. : ( I don’t think you could afford my bar tab either. Strike two.

Weapons- hi there. So what you re saying is that I have worms?

Eb- hmmmm, good question.

g- yes, and I’m probably going to hell too…

narm- oh yeah baby, whisper sweet nothings about the menu into my ear. Damn are you sure YOU RE not pregnant?

Kb- yeah you are a tiny bitch, bitch. Naw lol I’m just playing…

Sabina- yeah the go going, maybe. You have sex a lot too don’t you? I heard you can burn up to 130 calories having sex.

Suite b- ok let me start writing NOW, because I sure do eat hella cookie dough.

Uber- you love me! * muah *

Torrance- it’s a legitimate question.

Stew- no, when I’m naked I can see my vagina. Well the jest of it at least…

Bella said...

Geez,Ms.P...it's people like you that make me sick!

I'm totally jealous of course.
Some of us have to work damn hard for it!

Maxie said...

I'm jealous of anyone who can eat and eat without gaining weight! Hate you!

but I will forgive you b/c dick up the nose made me laugh really hard.

Qucifer said...

BETCH!, Im only typing on a break from m night session at home only cause I didn't make it to the gym, all the while sweating knowing this is disgust-sweat... if I want to wear a bikini, evil things need to be done to my body on almost daily basis.....

And I want to wear a facking bikini!... this is the only thing hateable about being 28.... no more night raids

Hex said...

4 rolls of cookie dough = death?

Is that sort of like that old 99 hits of acid thing?

Like you can do 98 and be ok, but one more and you're screwed?

4 may kill you, but I'm not thinking that 3 is gonna do you any real favors either. *lol*

James Tubman said...

eventually the metabolism stops running as good as it did when you were younger

it could be because of the drinking lol

or some other things

to loose weight if you do these 3 things everyday you will lose weight

drink half your body weight in water, eat at least an apple a day and most importantly don't eat anything heavy after 7pm

I'm so analytical lol

classy & fabulous said...

i hate working out too..but i do feel fat..hahaha ur hilarious!

MsPuddin said...

Bella- or you could go get lipo, I’m just saying. Actually, as long as your weight doesn’t effect your help, I don’t think it should matter anyway what size you are. Bella you re beautiful!!

Maxie- thank god for that dick in the nose, I don’t want to be hated! : (

q- lol @ “I want to wear a fcking bikini!” I can see you totally throwing a tantrum. Fck a bikini, “I want to be naked! At the pool, on the beach, all the time!”

hex-* silently taking notes * I actually knew someone from my high school class who dropped acid 9 times now he is CRA-ZY…

james t- ok weird because I do this, “drink half your body weight in water, eat at least an apple a day and most importantly don't eat anything heavy after 7pm” subconsciously. I just don’t work out.

Classy n fab- welcome! If you work out you should feel skinny. Hmmm, I wonder what you are doing wrong?

ms.uncensored said...

you'd rather have a dick up the nose than exercise?? classic. lol

unlike u. i must workout. but i eat what i want. fuck it.

KIKI said...

I'm the same way P...always have been. When I first started dating and the guy would come to pick me up, if he told my parents he was taking me to dinner, they would hyserically busrt out laughing and tell the boy that he either better have his daddy's gold card or be prepared to wash some dishes cause I was liable to order up the whole damn menu! (I still dont think that shyt is funny)

and the day you look down & cant see your va-jay-jay no more...you gone need to do more than just run your ass 'round the block...

Krissyface said...

I hate it when I get a dick up my nose!!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ohhh yeaaa....I ate about 10 cookies last night. UNCOOKED.

Blah Blah Blah said...

I couldn't see my sunshine...because of the protuding belly...
I was inspired to start excercising...then thought...well, it's not like I am getting any so it doesn't matter if I can see it...lol

stealthnerd said...

I'm not sure how much cookie dough it takes. I'm pretty sure I'm about to find out though because my roommate just bought "scoop and bake". It's a TUB of cookie dough from the lovely folks at Nestle. It's ingenious.