Tuesday, July 1, 2008

If I were an assassin, I wouldn’t get punked by old ladies…

I went to see Wanted yesterday by myself. I like going to movies alone, but Wanted was one I could have seen with someone else. However, I didn’t feel like going through all the trouble of finding a compatible schedule with a guy or a friend just to see a movie, so I said “f*ck it” and went stag.

I get into the theatre and there were about three other people in there as it was a matinee. One guy even cracked a joke as I sat down, “I’m sorry ma’am, but I don’t think there are enough seats left for you to watch this movie”.

I smirked a little, copping a seat in the handicap section.
You know the place right in the middle where there is a gap between the bottom rows and the top.

Halfway through the previews an older couple comes in. I’m chowin’ down on my nachos not really paying attention to them as they are looking for seats. That is until the old lady comes right up next to me and asks if anyone is sitting where my purse is. I’m sorry, because the whole theatre is empty. I have bad luck with old ladies, so I decided to just get up and move one aisle up instead of arguing with her.

“You don’t have to leave,” she said.

I know I don’t, but I don’t understand why out of the entire deserted theatre, you have to sit your old crusty ass right next to me. I don’t want to sit next to you, humph.

The old man did have a cane, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

The movie wasn’t how I thought it was going to be, but it didn’t suck either. Seriously though, if Angelina Jolie is in one more movie as an assassin, I’m going to start thinking she is one in real life.

She looks like one, sh*t. I bet she is training all seven of her children to kill.

Although, I wish that when my life sucks and I have a panic attack, I could get in on my dad’s secret life as an assassin and substantial bank account. Being if my dad were an assassin in the first place. I could take out old ladies who think that just because they are old they can steal my movie theatre seats.

*hi-yah!*
Bitch I’m a ninja, I will cut you!

On a side note, I found my soul mate in the blog world. He is a redneck and hilarious, check him out!

Also, vote for me here! I’m under humor and I gets no love… =(

31 comments:

oestrebunny said...

I hate it when that happens.

Old men keep sitting beside me and my friends whenever we go into our local.

Stew said...

same thing happens with me and parking spaces. there could be a million spaces open, but some jerk decides to park right next to me. pisses me off.

did you not think the movie was one of the best in a min? i though it was FUCKING AWESOME.

swag_ambassador said...

old folks.. damn you old people.. smellin like moth balls.. LOL JK

whatup!

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

Hmph.. old people never wanna sit near me. matter of fact, most people just grab their damn purse and or wallet when they are near me. well not when im lookin all preppy n howdy happy... but when im wearing my skull shyt, got the earrings and leather jeweley on? they kinda leave me the fugg alone...

maybe you should always go dressed like a crazy ass biker ass chick..

then again.. that might get you all types of new attention

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

Oh and Angelina Jolie could get it... relentlessly... and often...

Ms.Erika said...

I enjoy going to the movies alone. Some people think it's strange, I figure your not there to talk anyway....

12kyle said...

lmao @ your story! i prolly would've moved and not said anything. But i feel you tho.


hmmmmm...wonder what you would've done if she would've said "Get yo ass up!!! lmao!!!

cosign with Slaus about Angelina Jolie

Cunning_Linguist said...

she makes assasin movies because none of us would see the ones where she travels the world and steals underpriveledged babies for her own satanic purposes.

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Sometimes going to the movies alone is just easier. You enjoy yourself more, especially since your date always wants to hold hands. Bitch, I'm watching a movie, not playing footsies. If you wanna pay me $10 admission to play footsies, then we'll talk.

The Pew View said...

Baby I sho hope I aint one of them old folks you'd assasinate. Well make that try to assasinate. Hell I know kung fu and I'll chop suey yo ass (Lawd forgive). I'm just playing baby I knows you wouldn't mind sitting next to me at the movies lessing it one of them days I been eating hog head cheese. Lawd I can't hold a fart in to save my life and it stank like a dead pig. So maybe that's the only time you might not wanna sit next to me at the movies baby. Take care now.

Signed
Ruthie Ann

karrie b. said...

angie jolie does look like a serial killer.

but ummmmmmm puddin, all this nervous break down shit has stop. dont u know ur my cynical touchstone? so u CAN'T be going through the motions @ the same time as me!

get it together biotch.

-KB

Hadassah said...

I am waiting foe a couple of weeks to watch that the movie theater was packed last time I checked

Lady Cameleon said...

hahahahahahah........comin in laughin.....hahahahahah...........leaving out laughin......>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you should really get paid for your gift of writing i sware!!!

Lady Cameleon said...

and another thing :dont end up gettin your ass beat by a ol' lady, cause if im there im a let you get whooped up and thats for facts!!! lmao!!!

Bobby_2010 said...

I can't stand that...what possesses people to do that? Old folks use being old way too much!!

I loved that movie...Angelina is running it in the ground but she was excellent in that movie!!

anonymousnupe said...

What's your definition of "older" I wonder? 'Cause my first question was, "What's an 'older couple' doing attending a movie like this anyway?!"

Then I realized that they coulda been in there 40s and you proly woulda called them old.

anonymousnupe said...

And why somuh y'all actin' like an old person is an entirely different species or something?! Old people are you, Swag, Bobby, Puddin'! Only older.

Slap y'all wit my AAROGP (American Association of Retired Original Gangsta Persons) card!

YoungBlackBeauty said...

I would have straight up told that old lady "B*%@! Don't you see all dez empty azz seats?! Take yo old crusty azz on." LOL Naw J/K.

It would have a been a "when keeping it real goes wrong" moment for real!

One Man’s Opinion said...

LOL....How mean are you? Stop hating on the old! You should be a shame of yourself.

Hey, I say WANTED yesterday, with my friend Princess and I loved it. Now you need to go see Hancock. You get to see Will Smith's bare ass. Angelina gave us no nude shots. LOL

Seriously though, Hancock is pretty dang good, and with more laughs and no jacked up moral...although I liked Wanted more.....

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

red neck soul mate
and that would be a great movie

Muze said...

hahaha. i HATE when people pick the friggin seat next to me in the same ROW, let alone a whole empty arse theater. lol.

i also hate the handicapped seats though, no where to put my feet up! ha.

i saw wanted too. it was good to me. it was kinda funny how they kept beating the ish out of him everyday. lol.

i want to play an angelina-esque roll just one time in a movie, then life will be complete. something about kicking ass while looking hot that is so awesome. lol.

hope all is well chica.

MsPuddin said...

Bunny- ew. Old men are gross and creepy, especially the ones who have been married for 50 years…

Stew- I don’t get it. lol parking spaces are meant to be like that…??? right?

Swag- yeah old people smell like, old…

Slaus- I know she does, that’s why she has like 100 kids, for real. Nobody wants to sit next to yo ass either.

ms e- hi there! Right. I hate when date wants to take me to the movies. It defeats the purpose.

12k- she might as well have, stupid old lady and her stupid popcorn.

Cunning linguist- I just want her to say the line, “I will eat your babies bitch!” just once…

Joc- haha aw, you don’t want me to hold your hands and make out?

The pew view- that’s another thing, I once went to the movies with my little brother and he farted so loud, then moved away like I did it. talk about em-bar-ras-sing!

Kb- I know, we need to plan out our black out times better.

Hadassah- how are you? long time. yeah, I went to a Monday matinee.

Lady c- did you just come in here to laugh at me? Man, I be getting into it w old ladies for real though…

Bobby- hi, welcome! I still like her better in Mr and Mrs smith, but she always kicks ass. She has a no fear attitude that im sure a lot of people envy.

Nupe- an AAROP card? Lmao!! Do you go to the card factory and make up this nonsense? Man, her dude had a CANE, a CANE. Who has a cane at 40 besides pimp daddy sugar cane? Nobody. Old people are another species, they smell different and are mean. Please put me out of my misery at like 65 for real.

Youngbb- right. Get Chappelle on the phone, because I feel a skit coming on…

One man- ok thanks for the Hancock review, I wasn’t sure if it was worth seeing. But I guess will smith almost never gives a bad performance. Old people ARE mean, see how she punked me though?

Torrance- yes, a redneck soulmate…

Muze- wouldn’t it be badass to play one of her roles? Shit I could look passed her 20 kids to be her for a day, for real.

MsPuddin said...

Does anybody know the term for "fear of old people"? I guess thats what I have...

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

" Stankass heffaitis "

" Old Ho-itosis "

Matt said...

Gerontophobia = fear of old people

anonymousnupe said...

I feel you, P. By 65 my fingers will proly be too brittle for fangerin' anyway. (And your puddin' will proly have dehydrated by then, too.)

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

heh heh .. old fanga bangin

That Saddity Chic said...

Lol I hate when old people sit next to me, in front of me and behind me. That's sad right ? lol.

Narm said...

I'm pretty sure being an assassin that specializes in old people would be the easiest job ever. I mean half the time they have to croak before you get there anyways, don't they? And by this standard, was Dr Kevorkian a ninja?

Thanks for the shoutout! Love your blog and glad to have finally found my soulmate.

Anonymous said...
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stealthnerd said...

I really don't get why people insist on doing that. I totally would have moved too.