Thursday, October 2, 2008

Friends Without Benefits

I love my friends. I especially love my guy friends. I learn so much about men from them.

Like for example, I didn’t know that it was possible to have a brown ring around the inside of a toilet bowl for two months without catching hepatitis A,B, and C. I also didn’t know that it takes four 24-packs of empty Coors Light bottles to cover an entire coffee table. And who knew somehow in the midst of old fast food bags, dirty laundry and beard shavings my best guy friend could maintain a healthy relationship. Huh. They must spend more time at her house than his. I’m not sure.

Still, it’s just interesting to me how different guys think compared to women. This particular guy friend of mine not only has a messy abode, but he has some interesting convictions about me and another female friend of ours. You see, him, this other female friend and I all basically grew up together, so we’re all close. In fact, they're like brother and sister to me.

Anyway, he called me yesterday just to say, hi, and he got to talking about how the three of us should all get a hotel room and “get crazy”. Now from a female’s perspective, I took this notion as him suggestion a potential threesome? He immediately bursts out laughing and says no, he meant like just hang out, catch up, blah, blah, blah…

Then he pauses for a minute and says, “Wait, you two have never messed around?” (In reference to me and my girl).

“Um no”, I responded, “Are you fucking retarded?”

“No I’m serious,” he said. “Like you two have never gotten drunk, come home and bitched about how shitty guys are. Then got naked, kissed and one thing led to another?”

“NO!” I yelled (laughing at this point). “What made you think that!?”

“I don't know, but nothing,” he asked again. “Not even like a little kiss?”

Really??? Wait, so guys think that females who are really close have lesbian tendencies? Is that the fantasy?

Well, let me clear this up right now. When I come home with my friends drunk and bitch about a guy, we usually do it stuffing our faces with Jack-n-the-Box and then pass out in our heels and make-up. Waking up the next morning looking like a raccoon and wondering why our friend is face first in the toilet…imagine that.

38 comments:

Cunning_Linguist said...

Please don't ruin his fantasy about the teen era sleepovers then. It would simply kill him. Plus, he's lying if he said a threesome is not what he meant. WE ALL mean it until we're called on it. Then it's deny deny denyyyyyy.

Men have two types of women friends. Those that he's slept with, and those that he hasn't slept with yet. NEVER forget that.

Stew said...

that is not the fantasy, that is what tv and movies tell us. i also believe that a lot of close female friends experiment together. my thoughts have been validated a few times. but one thing that is true about ALL women is that they get curious about an intimate experience with another female. I usually don't make blanket statements like that, but this situation calls for one.

and linguist is right about the TYPE of friends that guys have.........men are pigs

Jocular Schlemiel said...

What about the fantasy about girls always having pillow fights in their panties and white tank tops? Tell me that still happens...PLEASE

the Dude said...

Why must you crush the fantasy? Next your going to tell us there aren't any tickle fights in lingerie?

Narm said...

First off - I am about three letters away from having the Hepatitis Alphabet.

Second off - don't ruin the fantasy. I am going to read that paragraph with everything as an innuendo - Jack-in-the-box? Thats hot.

Judy D. said...

wow. i didnt know guys think like that... if he was so readily willing to expect that, i wonder what he n his friends do

Deutlich said...

that toilet description just reminded me of a bunch of dudes i knew in college

and i'm totally grossed out thinking about it.

Maxie said...

haha you're so right. I don't think there's ever been a time where I come home and I'm so mad at guys that I just want to make out with one of my friends... that would be like making out with a family member!

Southern Sage said...

Why would you tell us that???? Why run a pin through my bubble parade?

and of course he meant a threesome, unless he thought you could get another chick to come around too for a foursome!

Well since I'm crushed I'll go look for something tall to jump from.
sigh

Mista Jaycee said...

Ok, you had me at jack in the box!
Jaycee

MsPuddin said...

Ok I love how this post had so many male commenters. Was it the picture that did it???

Cunning_l- naw I swear I have guy friends who I haven’t had sex with and who don’t want to. But I will admit to having some that I’m pretty sure if I gave the thumbs up they would be naked in 2.5secs…

Stew- the only time I’ve ever kissed a girl was in front of this guy I liked and I was trying to impress him. It was disgusting, I will never do it again…

Joc- it still happens, but only on Tuesday nights after watching porn…

The dude- ok, ok we do tickle fight, but its naked. Is that ok?

Narm- I think I covered everything in that alphabet, not sure. So a mouth full of fries is sexy? Who knew?

Judy d- right! What do you and YOUR friends do homie lol

Deutlich- yeah I’ve seen it in a few of my guy friend’s houses. In fact if I don’t see it in a guy I date, I go into a state of your-toilet-is-clean? Shock.

Maxie- right! I’ve known this girl since I was SEVEN, and I’m pretty sure its been strictly platonic…

Southern sage- oh I’m sorry *tear *…there is always REAL lesbians doing REAL lesbian things, before you jump…

Mista jaycee- isn’t that fucking hot!?

Muze said...

THANK YOU!

men don't get it that you can actually just hang out with females without fulfilling some lesbian fantasy they have in their heads. lol.

geesh.

lol @ waking up looking like a raccoon. lol.

Bella said...

MsP! Sounds like you burst a lot of bubbles around here!!!

=)

Bow Chica Wah Wah said...

LMAO!

Men are so wrong about us sometimes!

A.M. said...

"are you fucking retarded?"
too funny..and so is he..lol. Guys I tell ya.

Lady Cameleon said...

HELLA F'N FUNNY...WANNA KNOW WHY???? CAUSE SO MANY OF MY GUY FRIENDS BELIEVE THIS TO!!!LMAO...... SHOOT THEY NEED TO KNOW UR ASS DONT EVEN INVITE ME BACK TO THE HOUSE, YOU DO ALL YOUR "DRUNK CRAZINESS" BY YA DAMN SELF.....I MEAN IVE CAUGHT YOU LOOKIN AT ME AT THE CLUB LIKE I WAS "THE CATCH OF THE NIGHT", LOL...BUT YOU LEFT IT THERE J/P.....BUT YEAH MEN ARE JUST MEN......* BUT YOU KNOW I DONT MIND BEING SOMEONES FANTASY EVEN IF IT IS WITH ANOTHE WOMEN ;0).....

G-Sweet said...

ummmm.....

not even a teeni weeni bit... hahahaha lmao!

thats hella funny!

Comatose Chris said...

Not related to your post but ...
The image on my post showed a link to:
"Ophrah Blesses Vajayjay? - www.TheFrisky.com - Does that mean we can say it now? 40 Vajayjay Terms For All Occasions"

I had to laugh because a while back you asked your readers for their favorite names for the vajayjay.

Eb the Celeb said...

I hate when people ask ish like that... my boys are just my boys... more like my brothers... so even upon getting drunk there would be no sexual tension...

I believe people of the opposite can be just friends without benefits..

although the ones with the benefits are a lot better...lol

UBERMOUTH said...

LMFAO Pud. The biggest difference between them and us is, you STILL believed him that he wasn't trying to line up a 3some as he is DISCUSSING it with you, openly.
Watch, now that you gave your views on the subject- there will be no platonic , crazy hotel do.

:)

ms.uncensored said...

lol. guys are disgustingly hilarious.

UBERMOUTH said...

Cunning is right!
He gave me some insights into men that floored me!!!!

poison.ivy said...

i love your reality of the situation...waking up raccoon faced...LMAO

Dirty Diamond Affairs said...

racoon face, passing out in heels, eating jack in the box... SO FUCKIN true. guys are idiots with their stupid fantasies

Monie said...

LOL! You're not the only one. Believe me, according to my guys friends, me and one of my BFFs have been lesbians for years.

karrie b. said...

well i need to be exiled out for fucking up the species if that's the case!

none of y'all kissed a homegirl drunk?

*gets casted off the island*

-KB

c.watson said...

I think all guys think that because I've gotten that too. Sorry guys but when in doubt, your straight female friend has never made out with her other straight friends.

Anonymous said...

ok ok maybe twice maybe three times in my life. It happend but hell I am 43 so give me a break shit happens

Prunella Jones said...

Well I do. But that may be because my best friends are Ellen and Portia de Rossi.

Qucifer said...

BWAHHAhAHA I'll slap the shit out of any drunk girlfriend of mine that starts rubbing my leg... rrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeaaallllll quick!!

I'm super strictly dick lover

MsPuddin said...

Muze- girl, you know you have woke up with your makeup still on from the night before…

Bella- haha. I try *blows on fingers and rubs them on chest*

Bow chica- sometimes? Lol

a.m.- I had to ask, you can never be too sure

lady- don’t get it twisted, I NEVER look at you like that girl lol I loves the diznick.

g- nope. Not even a teeny, weenie…

comatose- I remember that post now. I just don’t remember linking to OPRAHS vajayjay…

eb- friends with benefits are fun, but preferably for me, they are men…

ubermouth- hay mamas! Long time…haha, you think he was trying to sneak that offer in there and see how I would react? That little sneaky bastard!

Ms.uncensored- right!?

Poison.ivy- it happens to the best of us…

Dirty diamond affairs- doesn’t that sound more like a typical night

Monie- LOL really, so when are you coming out of the closet?

Karrie b- ok, I am officially not inviting you to anymore girl sleepovers…heffa.lol

c.Watson- when in doubt is right.

Anon- shit does happen, so far I haven’t let my curiosity get the best of me, yet…

Prune juice- really, can I be your date to the next party they invite you to?

q- right? I’d be like girl, I think you had to much to drink, lets talk about this tomorrow. I have a REAL booty call to attend to, thanks…lol

MsPuddin said...

*AN OFFICIAL APOLOGY TO ALL MY MALE READERS FOR "KILLING THE FANTASY".

xoxo
MsP

Douchegirl said...

I've had the same conversation OVER and OVER with one of my guy friends. Apparently, me and my best friend sleeping in the same bed automatically means we do the nasty.

CapCity said...

Hey Sistah Puddin' - yea, been a minute since i've come by. As ALWAYZ you crax me UP!!
This line is CLASSIC cuz it's so DAYUM true: "...Waking up the next morning looking like a raccoon ..."

Be good, Sis!

horriblelicenseplates said...

I was just saying this same thing about a week ago! Great post!

Muze said...

lol. girl, TOO many times when i was younger...

YoungBlackBeauty said...

I wish one of my friends would try me..no m'am. LOL! Raccoon faced. LOL!

Kofi Bofah said...

Guy friends?

Most 'guy friends' are just waiting in the wings for the right time to approach. This is a strategy that I would never recommend.