I went crazy, but now I'm back.

A Picture of MsP the night she went crazy.

Are you there readers? It’s me, Ms Puddin’.

I had a Britney moment over the weekend. No I didn’t shave my head or give birth, but I did do some crazy shit. Too make a long story short I got into a fight with the ex in the club on Friday night. (Yeah I know, because I’m like so totally mature, right)?

Security literally lifted me out of my barstool and out of the club. On my way out, the ex had the nerve to take a Corona and dump it all on my clothes, my hair, my face, everything! I'm already getting kicked out, was that really necessary?

Ms Puddin’ was P-I-S-S-E-D.

However, by the time I got halfway down the block, I was over the argument and getting tossed out of the club, but the fact that he added that last little beer douche was what pushed me 51/50.

So I did the next logical thing that popped into my head. I went over to his house and I had a Kelis “I Hate You So Much Right Now!” moment. I fucked his shit up. Technically I didn’t really break or vandalize anything, I just made a mess he was going to have to clean up.

So now when I meet guys and they ask me that stupid question, “Why are you single? Is it because you’re crazy or something?” I can say, “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am a crazy fucking bitch.”

Ironically I was wearing a really pretty black and glittery cross around my neck that night. So the next day I told my friend in the midst of everything that it somehow got ripped from my neck and was going to ask her if she would help me look for it.

She replied with a, “No, I think God ripped that off of your neck that night.”

I think she is right too. God was like, “Time out, I’m going to need that back, thanks.”

When I sobered up the next day I felt like shit. I hate this situation I’m in with him right now. I hate that it still even exists. I know that in the end it is going to be me who is going to have to grow some and make sure nothing like that ever happens again.

So yeah anyway, that's why I'm crazy...

---------------------------------------------------------

Oh! I almost forgot, on a side-positive-whole-other note. I went to go see Janet Jackson bitches!

It. Was. Awesome. I feel complete.

And I was sitting next to one of the flaming of the flamingest couples ever and we took turns screaming like teenie boppers, “We love you Janet!”

Best part of the whole concert. Must see!

The Art of Stalking

The difference between a female and a male stalker is this: A female stalker will call you repeatedly, hanging up as soon as you answer. If, and only if, you tick her off she will speak, cussing you out, but then hanging up before you get a word in edgewise.

A male stalker will stay on the phone long enough to breath into the phone so much that your ear may become moist. He might even dry heave a few words at you like, “What are you doing?” or “Do I make you horny baby?”

I can appreciate a good stalker every now and again.

Sometimes they come in handy when I forget the password to my MySpace page or can’t remember which gas station was the cheapest. Not only do my personal stalkers bring me the paper and Starbucks, but also I can occasionally get some lurkers to comment over here every now and again. Thanks guys. :)

Don’t feel bad if you fit into any of the categories above, for I am a certified grade A stalker myself. I’ve master sliding into my camel-toe-tight-cat-suit and then lurking beneath my ex’s window in the bushes. Waiting to see what he is up to or watching his cable for free in through the window.

Ok let me rephrase that, it’s not so much a cat suit as me naked and not so much me hiding in the bushes, but more so me drunk, inconspicuously (eagle spread) passed out on his front lawn.

Ok so maybe I lied and I’m not the best stalker. So what, I’m a liar and a really good trespasser. Whatever.

Anyway, the last few nights I’ve been receiving an anonymous phone call. Last night anon caller called me 27 times! At 2 a.m.! All of which I answered once, where he proceeded to breath inauspiciously into the phone and then say in a low voice, “I just want three minutes of your time.”

I was really struggling to imagine what kind of low life f*ck would keep pestering me. Was it the hottie I gave my number to last weekend at the bar, through my blurred vision?

Aw, crap-on-a-condom. It probably was. Well, there are better ways to ask a girl out on a date. I just hope I don’t end up a victim like in some made-for-TV horror movie…

I know I haven’t posted or whored around on other blogs in almost a week, but can I distract you with the fact that *gasp* Britney Spederline looks almost normal!!!!!!!!!????????

When Crazy People Fall in Love

I was having a conversation with a coworker (someone at my job I actually get along with) and it seems I suffer from insanity.

We were having one of those girl conversations where we talk sh*t about boys and how they are good for nothing except killing spiders. Anyway she broke down the definition of insanity for me, which according to her is when someone does the exact same thing over and over again expecting different results. However, in my defense I would like to add in the fact that an insane person isn’t rational enough to understand what they are doing in order to stop.

I am well aware of what it is that I continue to do. So technically I’m just crazy. But we already knew that. Everyone knows I like to shake my ass for money and hop fences. The difference between Britney and me, is birth control and I don't have my head shaved under my hot pink wig.

Although I can’t even talk when it comes to the whole K-Fed thing. Come on ladies. Admit it. We have all wasted time on our own personal K-Fed. Ok maybe that is pushing it, because you couldn't pay me all of Britney’s money to date K-Fed. (Ok maybe a little bit). Anyway, my point is, he is the guy we do hella sh*t for, will always have in our hearts, but know deep down he is never going to change. Maybe K-Fed is a bad example. What I'm basically talking about is a toxic relationship.

I am still scratching at the walls and foaming at the mouth for some sort of breakthrough from this one particular guy. I guess doing E together and having sex wasn’t it. I try not to talk about him, because I thought I was over it. However, when I flip through old postings from when I first started this blog, there he is, crawling under my skin.

Recently he came back into my life. I thought things would be different, but I suffer from insanity. And I hate how people try to make me feel better by telling me, “you could do better.” Wtf is better? I don't get it. Isn't the point of love to work on what you got until you get it right?

It’s not even that I want to change who he is, but I know there is something missing. I can't quite put my finger on it and it’s driving me insane…

All I want for Christmas is…

...for the Raiders to play a decent game… 49 to 3 wtf!?...

...A digital camera, so I can do some more camera whoring…


...some booty, because my vagina is about to pack up and move to the Bahamas…


...good health care coverage for all my people…


...gas money…

...the Spears family to use birth control…

...VH1 to stop making reality TV shows…(unless they're hiring)...

...to finally meet my baby cousin…too cute!

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y S ! !

The question on everyone's mind is...

Who's next??? Tell me Johnny, what's behind door #1?

Well for $200 we have Scout Willis...so young, so sweet and tender. How can one resist the urge to offer her some marijuana? Her sister Rumer perhaps?

Behind door #2, for $500, we have the super innocent and however unexpected, a very normal, Jamie Lynn Spears. Is an unplanned pregnancy in her near future? I wonder if she gets love advice from her older sister, Britney Spears?


And now, for the grand prize, drum roll please. Behind door #3, for a whopping $1,000,000,000, is none other than Ali Lohan! Yes ladies and gentlemen, this young pre-teen once said in an interview how much she looks up to older sister, Lindsay Lohan. Don't cross your fingers folks, she will let you down...


I know, I know, I'm going to hell. I wonder if the devil really does wear Prada?

Hypothetical Situation

Would you rather have Amy Winehouse’s dental work…

Dolly Parton’s reconstructive surgery…

or Britney Spears' legal problems???

There's No Crying in Pop Culture

I'm sure everyone has seen the Chris Cocker video, Britney Spear's "performance" at the VMAs and Kanye West's hissy fit. Here's a video in Kanye's defense...



and why I think Perez is so awesome...

Doing a little back to school shopping...

I was doing some online browsing over the weekend and I picked up on some of the latest Hollywood trends...

Sporting the Baby Bump (Serena Williams and Halle Berry are also knocked up)...

Rockin' the Anklet (So cool! So exclusive! Only comes in black, but how convenient)...

Tacky Hair Extensions (looks even better when the tracks are showing, yum!)...

Happy shopping children! Don't spend all of mommy and daddy's money on one bottle of liquor and one line of coke. Splurge!!!

Oops yes ya’ll, I take you through a moment in the life of Britney, again…

I know, I know Britney is way over publicized, but again it is just way too much fun to make fun. And I’m starting to lose sleep over how she went from this...

to this...

to this???

Hope y'all enjoyed that moment as much as I did...Ms P

Oops, yes y'all, I talk about Britney once again...

I spent another typical American afternoon reading up on some literature of Britney Spears' whereabouts. I really had nothing better to do today. Nothing.

I'm probably late to jump on the 'let's talk about Britney bandwagon', but I can't help it. It's just too easy. I was glad to see on perez today that she had grown out her hair long enough to be entwined with some tacky hair extensions. A slow improvement, nonetheless.

I never really was a Britney fan, but for some reason now I am. She totally rocks! She’s just as f*cked up in the head as the rest of us. Right on. Anyone who manages to f*ck up their life that much in such a short period of time gets mad kudos for real.

I thought I had issues...

Watching Britney destroy her career is like watching porn. It's probably bad and I shouldn't be doing it, but I just can't seem to look away. However, most people view porn guilt free so I guess I should enjoy watching Britney.

I still can’t for the life of me understand how she went from this...











to this...

to this...

Wait, let me do that one more time from this...
(yes, this was Britney)…

to this...



















wtf was she thinking y’all????

All that damn shopping she does and this is the best outfit she could come up with? I mean I can forgive her for the uggs and the shorts with the pockets hanging out. I can look past the fact that she's lighting up a smoke and she's not wearing a bra, but the red hair tie, has got to go.

I took the liberty of re-writing some of her lyrics into a mega-mix, here goes...

Her loneliness is killin' me, I must confess I still believe (she might be pregnant) hit me, baby, with your umbrella-a-ah…give me a sign, shave your head one more time!!