Wednesday, January 23, 2008

When Crazy People Fall in Love


I was having a conversation with a coworker (someone at my job I actually get along with) and it seems I suffer from insanity.

We were having one of those girl conversations where we talk sh*t about boys and how they are good for nothing except killing spiders. Anyway she broke down the definition of insanity for me, which according to her is when someone does the exact same thing over and over again expecting different results. However, in my defense I would like to add in the fact that an insane person isn’t rational enough to understand what they are doing in order to stop.

I am well aware of what it is that I continue to do. So technically I’m just crazy. But we already knew that. Everyone knows I like to shake my ass for money and hop fences. The difference between Britney and me, is birth control and I don't have my head shaved under my hot pink wig.

Although I can’t even talk when it comes to the whole K-Fed thing. Come on ladies. Admit it. We have all wasted time on our own personal K-Fed. Ok maybe that is pushing it, because you couldn't pay me all of Britney’s money to date K-Fed. (Ok maybe a little bit). Anyway, my point is, he is the guy we do hella sh*t for, will always have in our hearts, but know deep down he is never going to change. Maybe K-Fed is a bad example. What I'm basically talking about is a toxic relationship.

I am still scratching at the walls and foaming at the mouth for some sort of breakthrough from this one particular guy. I guess doing E together and having sex wasn’t it. I try not to talk about him, because I thought I was over it. However, when I flip through old postings from when I first started this blog, there he is, crawling under my skin.

Recently he came back into my life. I thought things would be different, but I suffer from insanity. And I hate how people try to make me feel better by telling me, “you could do better.” Wtf is better? I don't get it. Isn't the point of love to work on what you got until you get it right?

It’s not even that I want to change who he is, but I know there is something missing. I can't quite put my finger on it and it’s driving me insane…

35 comments:

oestrebunny said...

I think a lot of the time...esp these times, we're all a little bit crazy.

UnKnownDiva said...

just stopped by to hi...i found ur blog thru shai!

i agree with bunny, we are all a little crazy these days and i think the men that are left out here for us to deal with and choose from make us even crazier.

Deutlich said...

I've definitely been in that boat. It just takes some time & will power to understand that we simply deserve THE best. Period. End of story.

sequined said...

It is so hard to untangle yourself from that kind of emotional mess, but those guys are not worth sticking around for. When the K-Feds of the world have power over you, you know something ain't right.

Babyfaced said...

Toxic relationships are CRUCIAL!!!!

It takes time babes and continue to focus on what YOU want for you.

Signed,

Toxic antidote

Lady Cameleon said...

I was gonna conjure up some great psycho-analyis....but that woulda been bootsey seein as I "felt" were you are coming from. So i'll just be as real as possible and say this, if there is one thing we do have control over, that is the is the control of our own "choices". They may be influenced by factors such as love and lust but in the end it still was our choice......so long ass story short......you can be insain crazy, in love, whorin around but bottom line is if you really want out you know what you need to do "leave" and dont let "back in"....

Muze said...

i understand. completely. really, i do. when i was with my ex i heard plenty of 'you can do sooo much better' lines from my fam and friends, but until I decided to be through with him, i didn't believe it.

i think the you're right about love, but you have to have a somewhat solid foundation to build upon, and it seems you and him have a pretty effed up, cracked and crumbling one from your past posts.

but, in time you will make that decision, if you wanna stick it out or move on. and i don't think anyone else will be able to sway you before then. why do you think they say 'crazy' in love? it's true!! lol.

Bella said...

I think what you need is called :::closure:::

Yet, I ain't sure how you get it.

MsPuddin said...

bunny- lol we all go a little bit crazy sometimes…

diva- welcome! Yeah I was normal when I first met him, stupid boys… : (

deutlich- yeah, I don’t know when it comes to him my will power clocks out and takes a vacation…

sequined- lol yeah K-Fed+power= banging my head repeatedly against the wall…

babyfaced- yeah I got to stay focused man, thanks for that antidote…

lady c- thanks for your insight, seems you know what I’m talking about. Someone once told me that people could tell me all types of things, but in the end I DO have to make that decision. It’s weird because I feel guilty answering his phone calls, like I know this just isn’t smart…

muze- naw it’s pretty messy and I just don’t want to admit it to myself and every time I think I’m over it, he convinces me otherwise… thank you for your insight as well, one of these days I will figure this thing called love out…;p

MsPuddin said...

bella- I think he has a lot of growing up to do before he can give me that…

Koffee Dyme said...

The ladies all have said it. We all know deep within that we are limiting ourselves but up until we are ready to accept it and move on we won't get anywhere... good read !!!

Hex said...

Sometimes relationships stop/end before one or both of the people involved feel any sense of closure with it.

Unfortunately, it's normally only one of us -- and the closure we feel we're missing is usually something the other person has no interest in offering or ability to provide.

..It makes it hard to let go.

It never seems like it when you're standing right in that sunbeam, but there is more out there than someone you can't completely fix, or someone who is "kinda bad at this, but oh so good at that."

If it stopped once, there was a reason. Figure out what that reason was, and then examine if it's something that can evolve or improve -- or if your instincts were right the first time (which they frequently are).

Doesn't mean dump him. But it does mean there's reason things are weird.

Hex said...

Or to put it another way:

Dearly beloved -- We are gathered here today to get through this thing called "life".

Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time.

But I'm here to tell you -- there's something else:

The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun -- day, or night.

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright? Instead of asking him how much of your time is left, ask him how much of your mind, baby.

'Cuz in this life -- Things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own.

And if the elevator tries to bring you down?

..Go crazy.

Diva said...

The only time it becomes insanity is when you can't make a decision of is he right or wrong. You bounce back and forth, to and from.

The only reason it's insanity is because of what we do to ourselves on an emo level when we do it.

My ex (14+ years together) was TOXIC. He had addictions and emotional issue of his own that kept him from giving a shit about me or his kids. BUT, I was insane (in the form of the word we're discussing here) and I would leave, come back, leave come back.

In the end it did nothing but make me wanna scream, punch a wall, jump off a bridge... TOXIC.

Not good. However, if the two of you can work things out, find what's missing and fix it, then maybe it's not a toxic thing. Maybe its just a two people needin to work some shit out thing.
I'm done with my lecture now.
Sorry, sis!
Good luck in it, no matter what you decide.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

woman i have been down that road....my daughter mom's is bipolar

Still_Pocahontaz said...

Key thing for you to remember is that you can't and will not ever be able to change him, but the more you change yourself, the less you will tolerate the things that make him wrong for you. Never listen to someone that says you could do better.

Mister Underhill said...

I love when people say "You can do better", especially when it's someone who you can't even keep in the first place. Ok, I can do so much better than every girl I have dated...yet not. It has to be the stupidest saying I've ever heard.

Eb the Celeb said...

Ok... I cant even read the post because that picture scared the hell out of me so I had to switch screens.

Krissyface said...

oh man, if only we could control who gets under our skin. The world would be a much happier place. I say, love hard, love loud, who cares what anyone else thinks?! As long as you remember who you are, you can love anybody you dang please.

eclectik said...

That picture is HI-LARRY-US

...every now and then I get a little crazay

e.

Afrodite said...

Just found your blog through Caeser Cannon and James Tubman and I love it!

I have my own K-Fed. We seem to run through this terrible cycle. Righ now we're off and I think (hope) this time it's permanent.

Great post!

UBERMOUTH said...

Just accept he is there for FUN , don't analyse him just have fun, but keep looking ...

Skoolboi Krush said...

If you know it isn't working and that he isn't giving you what you want, what are you afraid of losing if you just cut it off all together?

MsPuddin said...

koffee- it’s easier said then done : (

hex- lol thank for the insight on the first comment, but I’m going to take the second options. Being crazy is just so much easier…

diva- well your experience makes me that much happier you found Mr T thanks for the advice mamas.

torrance- yeah see I joke around, but I’ve never personally had to deal with someone who has been diagnosed. I’ve suffered from depression before, but that is about it…

still_p- thank you ;)

mr. underhill- well there always is an exception. If someone is totally out of your league and THEN someone says “you could do better” that feels good…

eb- yeah I can’t tell if the brit pics keep getting better or worse…

krissy – amen!!

afrodite- welcome! Hey join the club we are “on” right now and I can’t help but feel guilty…

uber- yeah, I’m an Aquarius I can’t help but over analyze…

skoolboi- if I don’t already feel crazy enough for talking to him in the first place, here you go making me feel stupid lol but I need to hear it…

MsPuddin said...

eclectic- I missed you, sorry…thanks for stopping by, welcome!! Yeah I was crackin’ myself up…

Don said...

I don't think you are insane. I think you are still in love.

Aint it shocking what love can do?

Sheletha said...

Hello! I was lurking and decided to post. Thought I would say heeeyy!


Oh, and LOve Is a Rumor.

maverick said...

well..life at times can b such..makes u think..wonder like crazy..n then it seems like damn..wat else do i need to think off..but i gues sometimes u just gotta let life takes it own course..the more u try to interfere.the worse it gets...so let things take their own course :)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

What a profound and succinct commentary on women: they all have their own, personal K-Fed.

This is an example of why I come here, Pudding.

MsPuddin said...

g
don- well said. Of course I love him, he loves me too, he just has a fckd up way of showing it. Love is the devil ;<

sheletha- ha! Another stalker came out of the bushes! Welcome…and see I needed that 411 on love, thanks…

maverick- yeah, I guess I got to be patient…thanks for the insight…

bug’s butt- why thank you. Who ever would have thought a sentence with K-Fed in it would be profound…

Drea said...

Yes, yes, sweetie you do have a valid point... but there is one thing you must understand, you CAN'T change people.. no matter how hard you try or wish for it to happen, at the end of the day they are going to have the same habits and personalities. YOU just have to distinguish if you are going to accept the flaws or not. It sounds simple enough but I know it's easier said than done.. and yes.. and we as your friends say these things because YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT WACK ASSHOLE!!! LOL sorry I had to.

A man like your ex.. He knows how to push your buttons and knows what angle he can work at to get you back on his good side.. Until he ever so routinely slips up and fucks up.. Babe you have to be strong enough and not fall in the trap that you ever so frequently fall in..

Qucifer said...

I think i've had one of those recently, casual at that but I finally managed to put that beast to rest.....even when HE hasn't

Ms.Lady said...

gurl...i feel you..the only thing is i have 2 kids by my "crazy love"...so...if he has no significant point in your life...no positivity at all...then its time to let it go while you have no ties.

Karrie B. said...

oh wow. i was just telling my homegirl (sometime last week) that i can't remember who's philosophy it was about repeating the same behavior and expecting something different. i dunno tho...when it comes to matters of the heart, you throw all judgement out the window.

-karrie b.

Karrie B. said...

oh, i found you on don's list of blogs...

-karrie b.