I was having a conversation with a coworker (someone at my job I actually get along with) and it seems I suffer from insanity.
We were having one of those girl conversations where we talk sh*t about boys and how they are good for nothing except killing spiders. Anyway she broke down the definition of insanity for me, which according to her is when someone does the exact same thing over and over again expecting different results. However, in my defense I would like to add in the fact that an insane person isn’t rational enough to understand what they are doing in order to stop.
I am well aware of what it is that I continue to do. So technically I’m just crazy. But we already knew that. Everyone knows I like to shake my ass for money and hop fences. The difference between Britney and me, is birth control and I don't have my head shaved under my hot pink wig.
Although I can’t even talk when it comes to the whole K-Fed thing. Come on ladies. Admit it. We have all wasted time on our own personal K-Fed. Ok maybe that is pushing it, because you couldn't pay me all of Britney’s money to date K-Fed. (Ok maybe a little bit). Anyway, my point is, he is the guy we do hella sh*t for, will always have in our hearts, but know deep down he is never going to change. Maybe K-Fed is a bad example. What I'm basically talking about is a toxic relationship.
I am still scratching at the walls and foaming at the mouth for some sort of breakthrough from this one particular guy. I guess doing E together and having sex wasn’t it. I try not to talk about him, because I thought I was over it. However, when I flip through old postings from when I first started this blog, there he is, crawling under my skin.
Recently he came back into my life. I thought things would be different, but I suffer from insanity. And I hate how people try to make me feel better by telling me, “you could do better.” Wtf is better? I don't get it. Isn't the point of love to work on what you got until you get it right?
It’s not even that I want to change who he is, but I know there is something missing. I can't quite put my finger on it and it’s driving me insane…