The difference between a female and a male stalker is this: A female stalker will call you repeatedly, hanging up as soon as you answer. If, and only if, you tick her off she will speak, cussing you out, but then hanging up before you get a word in edgewise.
A male stalker will stay on the phone long enough to breath into the phone so much that your ear may become moist. He might even dry heave a few words at you like, “What are you doing?” or “Do I make you horny baby?”
I can appreciate a good stalker every now and again.
Sometimes they come in handy when I forget the password to my MySpace page or can’t remember which gas station was the cheapest. Not only do my personal stalkers bring me the paper and Starbucks, but also I can occasionally get some lurkers to comment over here every now and again. Thanks guys. :)
Don’t feel bad if you fit into any of the categories above, for I am a certified grade A stalker myself. I’ve master sliding into my camel-toe-tight-cat-suit and then lurking beneath my ex’s window in the bushes. Waiting to see what he is up to or watching his cable for free in through the window.
Ok let me rephrase that, it’s not so much a cat suit as me naked and not so much me hiding in the bushes, but more so me drunk, inconspicuously (eagle spread) passed out on his front lawn.
Ok so maybe I lied and I’m not the best stalker. So what, I’m a liar and a really good trespasser. Whatever.
Anyway, the last few nights I’ve been receiving an anonymous phone call. Last night anon caller called me 27 times! At 2 a.m.! All of which I answered once, where he proceeded to breath inauspiciously into the phone and then say in a low voice, “I just want three minutes of your time.”
I was really struggling to imagine what kind of low life f*ck would keep pestering me. Was it the hottie I gave my number to last weekend at the bar, through my blurred vision?
Aw, crap-on-a-condom. It probably was. Well, there are better ways to ask a girl out on a date. I just hope I don’t end up a victim like in some made-for-TV horror movie…
I know I haven’t posted or whored around on other blogs in almost a week, but can I distract you with the fact that *gasp* Britney Spederline looks almost normal!!!!!!!!!????????