The Angry Pirate

While I’m on the topic of supermanning hos, I have to go ahead and ask a question…

Fellas, I might seem a little bitter if you have been keeping up with my posts on the penis, but work with me here. Y’all do some stoopid sh*t. I’ll admit, us women might do some crazy sh*t, like pop up out of your bushes, sporting a wonder women costume, singing in a whiny ass voice Keith Sweat’s “Twisted”, (not that I have ever done that before) but at some point we have already established, good d*ck = a crazy ass b*tch.

So anyway, I’m at my friend’s house the other night and she has six male roommates, whom are all powered by the penis (men). One of the guys, Big M, was chillin’ with us in the living room, when I turned to the two of them and said, “I’m sorry but I have really bad gas.”

Big M gives me this look like I’m crazy. (I’ve only met him like twice, but whatever, it was a fair warning, right?) We all started laughing and he starts talking about how girl farts actually smell worse because they are so backed up from holding them in.

“I’ve never had a girl I’ve dated actually fart in front of me,” he said. Then he went on to describe how “perfect” his girlfriends have to be.

“One time I walked out on this girl right before we were about to have sex, because she had hair on her boobs,” he said. “It was like long and curly, like a pig’s tail. I just couldn’t do it.”

His comment switched our topic of conversation to sex (of course) and me telling them the true definition of supermanning a ho. And then Big M is like, “oh yeah, well have you ever heard of an angry pirate?”

“No,” I said, not quite sure if I really wanted to know what it was.

“It’s when a girl is going down on you and you’re about to cum, so you pull out and nut in her eye,” he said. “Then you kick her in the shin.”

He proceeded to stand up covering one eye with his hand while hopping up and down on one foot. “See, get it? She’s an angry pirate.”

Wait, hold up, just stop right there! So my question is, man you just nutted in my eye, why you also gotta kick me? Honestly, is that really necessary? I’m already mad I got juice in my face, but you gonna kick me in my shin???

See, get it? The penis is stoopid…