A Good B Job

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Hood Summer Fest 2009

So I went to a pool party @ the Clarion yesterday. * crickets * I know, that should have been my first red flag. I was lucky they even had a pool. It was a hood fest in its entirety. Clear plastic heels, fake Louis Vuitton and the guys came in groups of ten, dressed in plain white Ts with white towels on their heads.

There was a model contest. Let me rephrase that. There was a booty shakin’ contest. About 10 to 15 girls graced the stage (um box?) in their bikinis. Each one was announced by name and their hobby. I want to say that 90 percent of the hobbies had something to do with dancing, entertaining and possibly doing the splits.

All this happened within the first hour. I needed a drink. My boy was like, “Don’t trip, I got a bottle coming.” One hour later, in room 122 was a bottle of Hennessey, Patron and some cranberry juice. * side eye * I decided my best bet was the bar.

On my way back from the bar, I noticed some girl had decided to take a dip in the hot tub. She’s in the tub. Her fake ass ponytail was lying next to the tub. One of the 25 photographers at the party runs over, snaps a picture and then literally picks up this random girl’s hair and throws it in the trash.

OMG. Yes. This actually happened...

Let me not lie, even though I felt like I was cast in Plies’ next music video, I was entertained. And on the plus side there were no kids there and no one got shot. However, I knew it was time for me to go home when I found someone’s fake tittie (cutlet) on the ground.

Shout out to Big Dave Presents, Socially Flyy , QB Chronicles and BigBootyRemy for the photo!! You know I love you guys. All press is good press :)

The MILF Who Killed My Ego

TRUE STORY:

The go go company that I dance with had a live photo shoot at a night club on Sunday. It was make-up artists, costumes, Michael Vincent, the whole nine. So in the midst of the mayhem I made numerous trips to the bathroom to make sure that everything was in place.

I noticed that there was a lady who seemed to be in the bathroom mirror every time I was in there. So I said to her, “Every time I’m in here, you’re here.”

“Yeah, maybe we’re on the same schedule,” she responded.

“Maybe,” I said.

“Sooo,” she said. “How many kids do you have?”

How many kids do I have!!!? NONE. And isn’t the question, do you have any kids, not how many?

“I don’t have any kids, what makes you think I have kids?” I asked.

“Oh, just the way you carry yourself, you seem more mature than the other girls,” she said.

I’m wearing booty shorts and my bra is showing, how in the hell does that scream, “I’m more mature bitches!?”

“No I think that was just a nice way of saying, hey you look fat in your skimpy photo shoot outfit,” I said.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “Don’t worry hon, I have two kids and look at me.”

She was a total MILF, probably in her late 30s, brunette, with big rubber titties. Possibly some work done on her face, but I couldn’t put it past her that she looked good.

“Well, I have a degree, that’s my baby,” I boasted a little bit.

“Oh what do you have your degree in,” she asked.

“I have a BS in journalism,” I told her.

“Oh yeah, that’s good,” she said. “I have my Masters in speech.”

Great, now not only am I a fat ass, I’m a dumbass too. I could feel my bubble burst all over the bathroom mirror. Who the hell was this lady? Was she working for Satan?

Note to self: Don’t start small talk with random MILFs in bathrooms unless you’re under the influence or covered up.

Don’t Quit Your Day Job

Doesn’t it seem like lately everyone wants to be a model or a rapper?

My ex used to make fun of me because for a while I thought I was America’s Next Top Model. I got into some local promotional modeling a few years ago, but sh*t I’m only 5’5”. I don’t know where I thought I was going, but it sure wasn't the runway. (I think at the time I was just bored and needed to fill an insecure void. I’m over it now. Honestly.)

Anyway, when I was on my model hype, I started a page on modelmayhem.com. It’s like a professional MySpace for models, photographers, make-up artists, designers, etc. The stuff on the site varies from real high-end fashion modeling to some incredible artsy photography...

Then in between the mayhem there are, of course, the amateurs. The stuff that makes you go huh???


Work it out! Get it!You’re a tiger!

Oh yeah, you’re an animal!

I don’t know, but for some reason I didn’t want to see that…

That’s it, send that poor message out to all the little girls in America.

I know, I know. I either need Jesus or a new hobby...

MsP

Where's Puddin' ??? II

Hint: I'm the only one smiling like a dumbass...

Ridiculously Good Looking

I’m lookin’ good these days. I’m turning heads, breaking necks and getting $1 bills tucked into my Oh Hell Nawl panties.

How do I know I that I am so ridiculously good looking?

Well, the other day at work this girl turned to me and said, “You look really pretty today. You used to be like kind of ugly, but lately you have been looking better.”

“I had some work done,” I said in response.

I’m sure somehow, in some twisted way, my coworker meant that as some sort of compliment??? Nine times out of ten, I don’t put in a whole lot of effort when getting ready in the morning. So it’s good to know on a day I took the time to shower, put on my face, smell good, brush my teeth and hair, somebody noticed. Sheeeit.

I’ll admit to coming to work lookin’ a little tore back, occasionally, but damn. She’s lucky I wasn’t suicidal, because she could have been the culprit for me going home and having a “Britney moment”. When I hear little comments like ^hers^, I tend to take it lightly. In my opinion, can’t please all the people all the time. I know if I really wanted to, I have the potential to look alright.

Besides, beauty is only skin deep, right? RIGHT!?? I know I’m throwing out a lot of clichés in this post, but honestly our society has a real misconception of beauty…

(Is she really applying make up to a skeleton??? Get that b*tch a chicken wing stat!!! Make it spicy!!!)

Anyway, I had a request for a pic of me “without my face all scrunched up”. Since I’m really, really good looking these days, I thought I’d go ahead and throw up a decent Puddin’ flick. I’ll let my readers be the judge of my so-called “beauty”.

For the record, the best compliment I have ever received was, “you’re pretty, but your personality makes you even more beautiful”.

Tell me , what is the best compliment you’ve ever received???

Where's Puddin'???

Amongst the feathers and Vegas showgirls, lurks some Puddin’. If you can spot the Puddin’, you will get… * drum roll please * …a whole lot of nothing!!! Yay! Hey, at least it's Friday...

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

Ya know I’m not one to talk about people, (heh heh, yeah right) but this chick is the new face of KING magazine. Meaning she must be doing pretty good for herself, so I don’t see why I can’t discuss the circumference of her ass.

I’ve never seen anything quite like this. I don’t know if it is just because she has such a tiny waist, but this is ridiculous…

Find more pictures of Angel Lola Luv HERE...

Photo Album I: Why is Ms Puddin' So Special?

I have a request from Don to post more pictures of myself. I'm not sure why he wants to see more photos of me, but the fact that he wears XL Magnum condoms is a good enough reason.(Don, call me).

Anyway, after I got his request for more photos, I started flipping through my photo albums. I wanted to make sure that if I posted pictures of myself, mainly for people who don't see me everyday, they know I'm a hottie.

Now as I started sifting through the craziness, I noticed I have a dilemma. Most of my pictures make me look special. There is even one where I am wearing a helmet. The pictures get a little better towards the end, but how can I argue I'm not as weird as I look, when I look like this...

or feeling up a sculpture in Vegas

or giving two very enthusiastic thumbs up...

oh and of course here is me in my helmet...

Aha! I found a normal picture! Here I am. Ms Fresh Banana Puddin'...

Signature Face

Those who read my blog might already know that I have a signature move. I did some more observational research on my camera whoring and discovered I also have a signature face. It might also explain why I am single…

Yes people like to grab my boobs, don't be jealous...

Signature Move

As a writer (blogger?) I know I'm having a bad day when I have to entertain people by posting pictures of myself. It never was my intention to do such things, but I’ve started to notice there is something wrong with my arm. In every picture I've taken lately it is UP.

50% of these pictures were taken sober too. I hope it doesn't get stuck this way...

six-foot long closed legs don't get fed

"Make that money girl, don't let it make you." -The Players Club, 1998.

The top two professions that women make more money than men are: the adult entertainment industry and high fashion modeling. My women's studies professor informed students during lecture in February.

Arguably, I wouldn't put this revelation past her.

It's no secret that a woman's sexuality can sell just about anything, even TrimSpa baby! (R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith; glad they found a destination for her corpse and her baby daddy).



And wasn't it rapper Kanye West, who said during an interview for Essence Magazine in 2006, good thing for multi-ethnic girls, or else who would we get to dance in our music videos?

It is widely debatable, but the porn industry falls somewhere between a $1 billion and $14 billion industry.

In an article by Pamela White for Boulder Weekly, called "A Matter of Taste," White interviewed Julian Rios a male porn star who makes $100,000 a year.
Rios said that predominantly the adult entertainment industry's audience is male, but the women sell the product and make the money.

Hoover's, a company that provides business information online reported that Jenna Jameson, a popular figure in the adult entertainment industry, made $30 million in sales in 2005 for her entertainment management company, Club Jenna.

Rios said that although men do most of the work in the industry, women make more money.

Rios also added that he's had chlamydia twice and gonorrhea once.

On that note, lets explore the modeling industry. The lives of stick figured women who indulge in grapes and laxatives while stumbling down the runway creating poor stereotypes of women.

These days top models aren't even healthy enough to strut their stuff to the end of the runway to strike a pose.

22-year-old Uruguayan model Luisel Ramos died in August of 2006, during Fashion Week in Montevideo after reportedly going several days without eating.





I'm wondering, at what point between Monday and the catwalk should the thought have occurred to her to have a sandwich? A chicken wing? A mint, perhaps?


In 2006, Ana Carolina Reston, a Brazilian model died at the age of 21 because of her struggle with the disease anorexia nervosa. Reston was 5-foot-8-inches tall and weighed 88 pounds when she died. She reportedly was on a diet of only apples and tomatoes.


The things we do for money…




According to Web sites http://www.fashionschools.com/ and http://www.modeladvice.com/, top glamour super models get paid $10,000 a gig and can make up to $150,000 in a year, or more.

Education not required.

Well this is encouraging, if this writing thing doesn't work out, at least now I know I have options.

It's a shame that in 2007 women, on an average, still only make 75 cents to every man's dollar, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

The two clumps of fat that women stuff into their brassiere every morning is not enough to fill the wage gap. However, it is enough to fill out an application for Hooters.

On Feb. 12, 2007, Asmita Prasad posted a blog on http://www.womenlifestyle.com/ that reported the salaries of college-educated have increased - up by 34.4 percent since 1974 in comparison to 21.7 percent for male graduates - according to Catalyst, a New York-based research group.

In the age group of 20 to 30-somethings, women hold more college degrees than men.

Women also dominated the more lucrative professional courses making up more than half of the student population in medical and law courses.

So ladies, there is progress being made. And while a career in porn is probably a good way to get into shape to walk the runway, we have so much more to offer.