Friday, January 9, 2009

MsP and The City

(This is a long post, so grab a cocktail and stay awhile. My posts have been few and far between anyway, so you have time to get drunk and enjoy ;p). MsP

I was sober on New Year’s Eve.

It wasn’t intentional, believe me, I did everything possible to try and get drunk. I brought my flask to the party I was attending, but couldn’t get it passed security. I dressed like a skank, but so was every other heffa in there. I did the Tyra walk with Oprah’s enthusiasm, but almost ate sh*t in my hooker heels.

Still sober by 11:50 p.m., I gave up and took it as a sign of how I should embrace the New Year.

And as I drove home that night passing up at least five different cars being pulled over on the side of the freeway, for once I was proud of my sobriety. There was a new year ahead of me full of opportunity and enterprise. It was time to start thinking positive and about my future.

In other words, I’m getting too old for this debauchery sh*t and if I don’t get my ass together in the next couple of years, I’m going to be living alone watching Lifetime with my cats or my AA sponsor. Tragic.

So in order to get my ass in gear, I started applying for jobs in my related field. No more hooking or doing other odd jobs with midgets, it was time for the real deal. Not too soon after applying (surprisingly) I landed an interview, in the city, for a fashion website. Perfect.

I woke up for my interview and was tempted to cancel. Honestly, why do people get up so early in the morning?

After getting ready I typed the interview location into my TomTom and headed out. A 45-minute drive later I found the street I needed to be on, located the cheapest parking garage and parked. I figured I could just walk the rest of the way. I still had twenty minutes to get to the interview.

Unfortunately, when I got to the main street the interview was on and I checked the numbers I was in the 1300s and I needed to be in the 600s.

I thought to myself, “Once I figure out in which direction I’m headed, I should be fine.”

I swooped into a little clothing shop and the lady told me I was headed in the right direction, however, she also told me that I might want to catch the bus. I told her thanks, but I was convinced I could walk it. I still had ten minutes to spare. I continued walking in my four-inch stilettos, convincing myself to remain calm and positive.

Another block down I began to realize that I was a little over dressed for downtown in the daytime. Other women had on flats, over sized sweatshirts and dragged mini luggage-on-wheels behind them. I had on skinny jeans, four-inch heels and matching purse. I could feel the male species eyes upon me.

I was now officially a walking rack-of-lamb, fresh off the grill, ready to be served with A1 and mash potatos. And that's when the inevitable happened. Not because I’m so unbelievably, ridiculously good looking, but because I was walking around downtown, looking lost, dressed like a slut.

As I walked past this rent-your-own-cheap-ass-furniture joint, there was a group of guys out in front staring, taunting and whispering to me as I walked by. Whatever. I had other things on my mind aside from sexual harassment. Like, I was going to be late and for some reason I couldn’t feel my big toe. Eventually I realized that one of the guys from in front of the store had fallen into stride with me.

“Hey there beautiful, can I talk to you for a minute?”

I looked to my left to discover a young man with his pants hanging somewhere between the lower half of his ass and his knees, a gold grill and some Sisqo colored hair. Really!? I’m not one to judge, but really?

“I’m sorry, not right now,” I said. “I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“Me too,” he replied. “See I’m walking with you, we can both be in a hurry.”

“Um not right now,” I said. “I really got somewhere I got to be.”

“Well then we both got somewhere to be,” he responded.

I sighed heavily, he was a persistent little f*cker.

“Sure whatever,” I said slightly under my breath. Stupid four-inch heels, I could just not walk fast enough!

“Can I get your number?” he asked.

“No I’m sorry, look I really have to get going,” I said.

“Well fine then, BITCH!” he said.

Yeah, he said it.

Suddenly not only was I late, but I was also a bitch.

And to prove it, he hawked the fattest loogie and blew it in my direction. Lucky for me with a little quick maneuvering I was able to dodge the wad. WTF!?

Did he really just spit at me?

“You’re lucky I didn’t spit on you bitch,” I heard his voice echo in the background verifying my lingering thoughts. And with that, I stuck my hand in the air and hailed a cab.

Five minutes later I arrived five minutes late to my interview. (Depending on whose watch you’re looking at). My hair was in my face, I was a little out of breath and sweaty. However, on the bright side of things I didn’t get spit on and it is still only just the beginning of 2009. I could do nothing but laugh at my little mini adventure.

So I took a deep breath, put a smile on my face and stepped off the elevator…

31 comments:

Narm said...

Oh, c'mon MsP - you are way too high quality to ruin with A1 sauce.

Ok my game sucks - but at least I didn't spit at you.

Point - Narm.

Miss Mika said...

Rejection is a mofo ain't it?

Unfortunately, some douche bags just don't know how to handle it. Actually, I wouldn't even title that as rejection... you had somewhere to be and didn't have the time to play with the little fella.

I can't believe he spit at you though. I mean, other than white chicks looking for a beatdown from New York, who does that?

Captain Smack said...

This is the type of scene that, if I saw it in a movie, I would think the asshole guy was actually over-playing his part. If I were the director, I would have said "Cut!" and explained to the guy that he was being too much of a cliché, and could he maybe tone it down a bit.

By the way... did you get the job? If not, screw it, the website kind of sucked anyway.

Deutlich said...

Congratulations on the interview but GAT-DAMN what the fuck is wrong with people?!

John Barleycorn said...

I would've tried to catch the loogie in my mouth.

Steph said...

What a fucker! I would have stopped and slammed my fist into his face!! AND then told him to dye his hair a colour that looked natural and wasnt from 10 years ago.

Chic Eccentricity said...

Hey lady! It's E...Love your blog and this is my 1st time commenting. I just had to....being from SF. I hate to say this but that is SO typical of the dudes there. Never mind what you were wearing. You could have been in sweats and got sweated. I've been so many stuck up bitches. I think it's time for a young sexy educated thang such as yourself to relocate like I did :)

But the important thing is your job interview.... How Did It Go?!

Sunshyne said...

“Me too,” he replied. “See I’m walking with you, we can both be in a hurry.”


ugh!! lame!! i hate wack ass niggas

Maxie said...

wow... he spit at you?! That's some crazy shit.

The worst I've ever gotten is some crazy cat calling.

Cunning_Linguist said...

Shoulda spent the time stomping his ass in front of his friends instead of the interview. Not at all unheard of to say "Oh you meant Monday? I honestly and truly heard Tuesday. Let's reschedule so I can get in there and help you". The money at the pawn shop you would have gotten from his rotten teefers would have made it worthwhile.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u overdressed never and on new years eve, i was sleep before 1130

MsPuddin said...

Narm- at this point as long as you don’t spit on me, you considerably have game…

Miss M- yeah it made me feel like there was a camera following me, but thank God there wasn’t…

Cap smack- he lives!! And haha yes he was too much of a cliché, I didn’t want to go there but he really played the part with his get up. Not to mention he also had a discman. I mean who walks around with a discman any more? That was so millennium of him.

Deutlich- beats me, maybe I am a country girl after all…

John b- I wouldn’t you might have caught an STD…

Steph- and then sang the thong song?

Chic Eccentricity- Hey lady! How are you? Yeah you re right about the guys out here. I’m trying to branch out, but I don’t have a plan..

Sunshyne- for real though, like he was doing me a favor or something lol

Maxie- yeah well, welcome to my world…ugh

CL- Trust me if you would have seen this cat it was a waste of time to use even reverse psychology. I couldn’t have even tricked him into pulling up his pants and trying to go for someone more on his “level”…

Torrance- haha a lot of people were sleep early this year. You re not the only one, so don’t feel bad. I guess that’s what happens when you become a parent?

Qucifer said...

W
T
F

Sorry fuck: I DESPISE when I'm dressed my best or sluttiest or sexiest, whatever and some no good motherfucker thinks he is cool enough to talk to me about anything but the weather...


but you took it to a new low, he had Sisqo hair which is just sad and superdesperate

So@24 said...

Sober on NYE?

What happened to you? A guy doesn't read for awhile and comes back and his blogging world turns upside down

Folk said...

...your story has me speechless for now!

Folk can't stand stupid azz motherfvckers with no respect for women.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You should have told him you were on your way to the doctor to find out if the genital disease you caught is contagious. Although that guy sounds too stupid to get it. A stiletto to the toe could have done well too.

Hey - it made for a good story!

StarzGazR said...

This is what i mean when dudes get biter when they get rejected!!
If i wereyou, i would ataken my car keys and stuck it in his eye... no lie.. disrespectful mofo!!

Hex said...

I think the real fun here can be found imagining how classy and sophisticated a first date with Spitty McDouchebag here might have been.

Wait, Do they take reservations at Arby's?

Dwane T. said...

While I'm sorry you had to deal with the assininity of the situation, I am truly impressed with your matrix move to elude his more than likely HIV infested projectile... in 4" heals no less. And you kept on steppin', leaving him in the past where he belongs.

Am I correct in assuming that you got the job anyway!?!?

Monie said...

Damn, is spitting what's hot in the streets right now???!!! Wow!

I hope the interview went well!

Mista Jaycee said...

Don't you wish his Mom would have swallowed? Probally Not! She would have gagged but what kinda home training did that do get. Even Monkeys, know to sweet talk and not commit assault! What a Dick!
Jaycee

thehoustongirl said...

WOW @ dude spitting! He has NO manners! ugh!!!

anywho, congrats and good luck with your interview! :D

and sometimes, it just feels good to be sober sometimes... aint nothing wrong with taking a break from it

holla!

Mista Jaycee said...

Did you get the job?
Happy New Year and welcome back!
Missed you!
Jaycee

Stew said...

if only my life could be as adventurous as yours. at the beginning of 2009 you have had more action than i did all of 2008.

i was basically sober for the new year too. not only was i sober, but i was at home. but i must say that i still enjoyed myself.

nothing like time with the family

Demon Hunter said...

What? What an a*!hole!! I cannot believe that he spat at you because you weren't falling for his pitiable game.

Good on you for not following him up. And if he had hair like Sisqo, his orientation was in question anyway.

Hope you get the job! :-)

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Bet his arse would have been surprised if you clocked him and commenced to putting them heels to him when he called you a bitch. That would have been a good look and his boys would have clowned him hard, but who has time for a beat down when the job interview is up the street.

UBERMOUTH said...

God!!!!Do women still allow those kind of men to live?

YoungBlackBeauty said...

OMG Goodness. That really made me upset! That piece of shit ass fucker ass dog! UGH!..sorry.

You don't deserve that at all. I really hope you get/got the job! He'll probably get shot tomorrow anyway. Hmph!

Sabina said...

Sigh. I don't know why, but I always expect men to come up with cleverer responses to rejection. I mean, I'm sure he's had lots of practice, right?

UBERMOUTH said...

C'mon!You can't just leave us hanging like this Ms. Pud!

You're becoming quite the lasy blogger.Come and tell us what you're getting up to that keeps you away for so long.

UBERMOUTH said...

* lazy