Friday, July 10, 2009

Big Kickin' It At Target

Brought to you by the folks over at OHN. I hate you all...

In other news...

I went to Target on my lunch break today, in hopes of getting something classy for my ex boyfriend from high school as a wedding gift.
I felt kind of bad going to Target, but hey that’s where he’s registered and it’s my ex.

Once I printed out the registry and discovered the reoccurring theme of a losing football team, all shameful thoughts flew out the window.
Listed was, an Oakland Raiders Table Cover, an Oakland Raiders 4-pc BBQ Tool Set, an Oakland Raiders Bedding Collection and an Oakland Raiders Frosted Pint Glass Set.

I started cracking up as I sifted through the list with my eyes. Was he using this wedding as the opportunity to catch up on his favorite team’s collectibles? A visual of a man I once loved twenty years later on the couch with a beer belly and no motivation in life flashed through my mind.

It was right then and there I decided not to be stingy. Instead of going bitter and stag to his wedding, I was going to be happy and celebrate. This girl he was marrying could have him. I tossed the list and opted to buy the happy couple a bottle of wine...

On my way out the store, this guy who obviously worked at Target, with his red button-up and “Jeremy” Target badge shouted out to me.

“Hey, weren’t you the girl eating at the register last week?” He asked.

“I wasn’t eating, I was putting a cough drop in my mouth,” I said defensively.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were eating.” he said. “Are you a regular here or something?”

“Hahaha no, I just work across the street so its convenient.”

“Oh,” he said. “Do you work at that place across the street that sells Hammer pants?

*Crickets*

No, I do not sit in an office all day and sell MC Hammer merchandise! And if I did work there and you were looking for some sort of re-live the 90s "two legit" hook up Mr., it’s not gonna happen!

Wait. Hold up, time out. Is there really a place somewhere that just sells Hammer pants?

And just to clarify, I was NOT chillin’ at the Target cash register eatin’ a snack…

10 comments:

Nick Cage Revealed said...

gay pics too.

miss. chief said...

i wonder what his wife thinks about that stuff...i mean i think i'd be pissed if i got a bunch of sports memorabilia at my wedding, probably.

c.watson said...

And once again I have too legit too quit stuck in my head, thank you very much.

Crowscious said...

I'm sure u were hangin' there eatin LOL... They really sell Hammer pants.. damn..

Demon Hunter said...

LOL. Hammer pants? What did you say to Target guy?

As for the wedding gift. I completed my own register and my now hubby was just happy to be there. She's crazy. You don't allow men to put nothing on the registry...lol. :-D

Trouble.Thinks said...

beer belly & no motivation in life, sounds sexy. good choice on the wine, might be a good idea to throw a case of beer in too! ;)

Mista Jaycee said...

Ha! That's funnie!
You know you were eating at target. Why haven't you visited my blog? Is it my Man Boobs?
Ok I won't flaunt them anymore if you promise to come by. Ok, no halter top but I can't give up the cut off shirt cause it allows my belly to breathe! 8-) Miss you!
Jaycee

Kingsmomma said...

Hilarious b/c of the hammer pants but how does one mistake coughdropping for snacking.

and damn if you don't have a target stalker

Cunning_Linguist said...

One thought I was gonna start with is "You're a regular at target but you're busting on your ex for being registered there".

Another was "You sell MC Hammer pants?"

But it all paled in comparison how to the kid at Target seemd to think that you were befitting his ilk that you were fair game to hit on. Did you like, go in there without make-up on and those sweats with holes in them ( you know, the ones that say juicy on the ass)???? I don't even hit on anybody in stores like that. You might have to explain to friends and family "Yeah, I met my better half at the dollar store" or some shit like that.

MINISTA said...

*weak @ "do you work at the place that sells hammer pants?" How in THEE hell could you even combine that particular group of words and keep a straight face? thats fuckin hysterical!