Sunday, February 22, 2009

Would you still hit it, again?

Well I came over to my boyfriend’s house the other day, (yes I have a boyfriend) and he nonchalantly had a porno playing on the TV. It wasn’t a plastic titty DVD with bleach blondes, big fake boobies and airbrushed booty. It was one of those real raunchy pornos where the viewer can see the chick’s razor bumps on her cooch during the penetration close-ups.

“Why are you watching a porno right now,” I asked. “And why this nasty one?”

“Oh my boy let me borrow it, I was just checking it out,” he replied. “I’m not really paying attention.”


I was silent for a moment as I checked out the porn. Some perverted looking white guy was eating out this fat black chick’s pussi.

At least it was embracing biracial relationships.

“I’m sorry, but that chick is gross,” I said.

“Why,” he asked.

I don’t know, she just is,” I said, making a face, before asking the inevitable, “Would you have sex with her?”

“Ummmm, yes,” he said turning his head from left to right looking at her intently. “You will be surprised to find out, my dear, who a man will have sex with.”

Then he went on to tell me that given the opportunity he would have sex with Omarosa, Whoopi Goldberg, Star Jones (before and after surgery) and Paris Hilton. Thus opening the door to one of my most infamous debates, would you still hit it???

Usually for the fellas, but ladies feel free to toss in your oh so necessary two cents, because you know we always do…

Fellas, would you have sex with Oprah if she was broke? Doesn’t matter bigger or smaller, without money is Oprah still f*ckable?

What about Octo-pussi Nadya Suleman? Sure she might have a gaping vagina, jumbo sized stretch marks, be able to make her nipples hard with her knees and even attempt to pull off the condom during sex, but she looks like she can give a mean blow job...

And if the rumors are true and Rihanna did give Chris Brown herpes or the clap, does her sex appeal override the possibility of attracting a life long std???


DORINAE said...

STD or not, rihanna is just not hot to me... and i'm pretty gay lol.

Cee.A.Don.Is said...

I'm mad he said star jones :(

Oprah is only good for the money, so no

the mom... idk... maybe if she didn't try to get me to be her next baby dad

and... no, Rihanna is not worth getting herpes for

Kayta said...

He would fuck Whoopi Goldberg?! But she has no eyebrows! People with no eyebrows insult me without even realising.

I wouldn't hit Oprah without the money, either. Especially with that manky foot hanging out of the bottom of her dress.

G-Sweet said...

no... w/out the money im coo...

no... that pic alone kills any possibility... plus shes outta her f'ing mind if she thinks im puttin my d*ck anywhere where near her... she has children in litters.

and no... if she has an STD

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

sure if u would let me RDB

Narm said...



Yes. 100 times yes. Rhianna could have teeth in her vagina and I would still hit it. If her vagina was a garbage disposal I would gladly still stick my boy parts in there.

Sabina said...

I'm with Narm, except for the part about having boy parts, that is.

Also, Whoopi Goldberg doesn't have eyebrows? Like the Mona Lisa? Huh.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your new boo!!! :D lol but he would eff Paris Hilton? hello its well known she got the herp too so tell him ewww!! LOL!! yea Rhi is NOT wassap in 2009..hell naw

ShantaeMarlinda said...

With the exception of Stargate Vagina over there, I'm almost certain the majority of men would still bang the other two like rabid rabbits on E. Their standards have gradually lowered over the years and now, vagina is vagina.

I mean come on! Contracting a long-term std pales in comparison to the pure bliss of busting an almost all the time premature nutt!

The mind of a man ..I can only imagine.

Anonymous said...

Firstly A BOYFRIEND????

Am I the last single bitch standing???

also you would be surprised how low manstandards REALLY are, mattefact If you add "and no one would have to know" to ANY pick........ yeahhh they probably would go for it

Cunning_Linguist said...

I'd hit Oprah but only in the back door because I detest her and she looks like she'd dtop giving free shit away if I did. Without the money? No chance. Same goes for Star Jones with or without the money. She's a no fly zone.

Woopie? Really!?!?!? Woop??? I dunno, Ted Danson got the strange and you never heard him complain. How much you wanna bet she's a freak in bed. She can do her funny voices and make a different woman each night. Not something to be brushed aside easily.

I think the real question is here..... WHY did the BF have a porn going on in the background RIGHT when you came over. There's a deeper story here and we want it, dammit.

Qucifer... call me. I'm not Mr. Right, but I can be Mr Right-Now if ya like ;)

Anonymous said...

Yes, so long as she's still Oprah. No, because I won't be stepdaddy to 20 kids. And no way in hell because I'm not taking on a lifelong STD for nobody.

On the post: most men will sleep with anyone. Not me, though. I love Whoopi, but wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot poll.

And NARM is absolutely nuts.

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Thats nasty as hell. I think guys should at least have some standards. Oprah?

insomniaclolita said...

LMAO, some guys will still say yes to Rihanna I BET.

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Oprah yes, octo-chick/omorosa/star jones = Negative. Sex isn't worth the loss of my member, so no to Rhianna.

anonymousnupe said...

Those are all easy and emphatic "No!"s, man. Where is Slausage, the Slausy one, when you need him, P?!

Bow Chica Wah Wah said...

Rhianna is the shit but WHOOPI? Girl you betta check yo man he may have a fever

One Man’s Opinion said...

DAMN! That's what I'm talking about! Now, this is a post!

I really, really, really, did not want to agree with your boy, but....well, let's just say that as a police officer you would be suprised at what I have seen men sleep or attempt to sleep with. I am talking about a woman, covered from head to toe with calimine (excuse the spelling) lotion, because of her poison oak, and a man was actually paying to sleep with her. And the chick was not cute.

I could go on....but it is not fair to compair these nasty chicks with the women that you mention. Hell, all of those chicks are fuckable and you know it. Although, I am not a hundred percent about the octo-pussi.


Is that a real photo of the pregnant woman?
I think Oprah is very pretty!

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

:: runs in and Daps Nupe, then proceed to lick all the forks n spoons in this place ::

Psssssh let that man enjoy his damn porn! It's a healthy outlet that is much better than the alternative. Meaning you've got two choices ..

1). You can let ol boy check out chicks getting konged, or (2)you can let him kong other chicks.

Thats the reality.

but in regards to who could get it?

Oprah - broke oprah could not get it. Not interested what so ever really. Now... PAID oprah? shiiit OPrah could afford to buy pluto. Not the dumb azz disney dog, but the dwarf star formerly known as the planet. If she could buy a former planet, she could surely buy me a ps3. im saying. I got needs.

Octomom? See... she could give me some slow neck til she makes the GOK sound, but other than that? She had 8 human beings pass through her labia. 8. eiiiight. That's got to do some major damage to the goodies. Coochie is prolly gaped open for life. the coochie aint healing from that, maaaan. The chances of those goodies bouncing bask to an acceptable tightness are worse than the chances of the brotha surviving a horror movie.
ol wide ass entrance. ish prolly bigger than the entrance to Narnia n ish. You're on one end, but your jibby is walking around inside a magical world, assisting a great army of fantastic creatures.

Rhianna? Riri could get konged on any day that has a vowel and or consonant in it. Annnnnny

P.s. Rhianna could get it.

Dope Fiend said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOL! Whoopi Goldberg, that dude is unserious. LOL

Ive been trying to tell dudes that Rihanna with an STD is just not that hot! lol

Stew said...

i think slaus said it all....

MsPuddin said...

a message from Moon-
so ya man is ready to fuck WHO!!! think about that for a moment...f'n NASTY!!!! I know Im probably in the minority on this but Im not just gonna stick in anyone. Power, money and personality are sexy so those things can be compensatory in a situation where someone is less attractive physically. But thats about it. As for having pussy just for the sake of pussy... Im HELLA cool. You gotta bring something to the table and if all you bringin is pussy... then you in trouble. (u r with ME anyways)
A wise man once said "there is more bueaty in the world then you have time to meet."

Thas real talk and because of that, Im selective with "D" goes

Ms. Goldberg...YUP (something tells me that shit would be off the hook)

Oprah with no money... NOPE (no comment... jus NOPE)

Star Jones... before PS, NOPE... after PS, NOPE...with money, NOPE... no money, NOPE (she would start breathin all heavy n I would throw up)

Paris...sure (i bet i fall asleep b4 I cum though)

Miss octuplets... NOPE (ego issues)

Rihanna... NOPE (sorry...infected star pussy is still... infected star pussy)

Katrina said...

Octomom scares me

Buddha said...

Yes to Oprah (much to my horror)...