Sunday, March 15, 2009

An Open Letter to Fergie


I probably shouldn’t be writing you this, but I guess it’s too late to turn back now. I just wanted to take the time to congratulate you on the new hair. It has done wonders for my eyes. And it also actually makes your eyebrows look somewhat normal.

Before, when you would sing about how glamorous your humps were, I didn’t get it. Something just wasn’t right. From my perspective your humps were not something to brag about and your face is definitely puffier than any lady. And then comparing yourself to a child with a blanket really sobered me up. I was so confused, not only because I wasn’t quite sure where I was at the time, but also because your face is the opposite of that of a child’s.

I’ve been seeing this makeover around the web for a few days now and gheezus what a world of difference this has done for you! Your new hubby may have enjoyed running his fingers through those stringy not quite blonde, not quite brown, ugly, greasy highlights, but I sure could have done without the visual. And thanks to your innovative stylists poof, it’s gone! Yay! Go team!

Anyway, I just wanted to express how happy I am that now when you sing I can actually enjoy watching the talent as well as hearing it. I don’t have to close my eyes and pretend that surprisingly good voice of yours is coming out of someone else’s mouth. It makes the experience that much more enjoyable. So yeah, thanks.

Sincerely,

Ms. Fresh Banana Puddin’
PS- Unfortunately, there still is that part in the middle …

16 comments:

Sunshyne said...

it didnt fix her face, but it is definitely an upgrade

Untouched Jewel said...

I still think that Fergie looks like The Joker without makeup. The darker hair just makes how f*cked up her face is that much more noticeable.

*Love that Joker!*

Cunning_Linguist said...

It's her chin and nose. Maybe her dad was Jimmy Durante? I dunno....


I'd still bang her so hard that money would shoot out of her ass.

Crowscious said...

Aw, i kinda liked her curls.. and her eyebrow piercing.. i had her poster n shit... ur spoilin it for me! :P

Hadassah said...

I like this hair colour on her but the same hairstyle that needs to change

MsPuddin said...

@sunshyne lol her face is very unfixable...

@Jewel that's a good observation now that you mention it...

@CL I had to google Jimmy Durante, but I think your onto something...

@crowscious lololol a poster of fergie, that's almost as bad as having a poster of MJ or Whitney houston post bobby...*sigh* but I guess i'll leave you alone, because I still have a really old DC poster on my wall that I'm just too lazy to take down...

@Hadassah I guess one step at a time, but we are making progress...

Shantae said...

Grrrreaaaaat. I just always thought she had very masculine features but now that you mention it, her face does look fucking swollen. Now that's all I'm gonna see everytime I look at her =[

anonymousnupe said...

Man, y'all leave Fergie alone. God don't make NOTHIN' ugly! And y'all know it takes a while for a sex change operation to cure, right?!

Bow Chica Wah Wah said...

LMAO you are too much!

and I agree she looks way better!

Mista Jaycee said...

Splain the hate! Dis not like you. Where is Ms. Nana Puddin and what have you done with her? Return her now Sexxxy, reasonablly inebriated and most of all Happy!
And make it snappy!

Narm said...

Her face is a plastic surgeon's Mt Everest. If a plastic surgeon was able to make her face attractive he should be given the keys to the world because obviously he has magical powers and we should do anything to appease him.

That being said - I would still blow her up in the sack if given the opportunity.

LiLu said...

Agree with Sunshyne...

Lady Jane said...

I like Fergie but I always thought that she was a little f*** up looking...which maybe thats why I liked her. She needs to get an updated hairstyle though!! Nice letter - first time here:)

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i still think she has no talent lol

suiteSTL said...

please put some postage on that letter and send it off. I swear everything you wrote was so on point. She does look like a monster in a dark alley to me.

Qucifer said...

She still needs full face surgery to address that bad case of Brown bag special face, but sure, she now looks like a a tranny as opposed to an experiment


and it's her chin and forehead