Monday, June 23, 2008

I'm changing my name to Candy...

So here I am a 24-year-old bartender covered in tattoos. I have a degree, but my skills are limited to me being good in bed and I could probably sleep for 72 hours straight. (Oh I’m experienced baby). My hobbies include drinking and trespassing. Unfortunately I can’t put any of those qualifications on my resume, most companies are looking for a little more, um, depth.

I think I might be having a quarter life crisis.

And to top it all off, I missed the opportunity to celebrate my one year anniversary as a blogger. =( (June 17th, boo-yah!)

Looking at the glass half empty this blows. I go to school all my life and now I have to work until I die. Looking at the glass half full I went to school all my life and now I have to get a job and work until I die. Wait. Ok either way I’m screwed. I’m job-hunting right now and boy does it suck. Can’t I get drunk and lose my panties for the rest of my life? I don’t want to grow up. Growing up sucks. Boo.

It’s kind of funny I post this after telling Nick Hogan to bend over and take it like a man. I’m not going to compare myself to him, but I really need to get my life together. I was looking through the classifieds and our local strip joint is hiring. Hmmmm...

I apologize for my lack of blogging. I need some motivation, a boob job and a sugar daddy. In no particular order…

30 comments:

Sabina said...

Being good in bed, drinking, and trespassing sounds like you'd be perfect for many types of jobs.

Z'maji of HauteBlogXOXO said...

Y'know....Puddin', Many women have made lucrative careers at laying on their backs and breakin a nigga off some o-dat nappy dugout. Of course I'm not sure if you'll be able to sleep at night, but hey, that's what the liquors for. *cheeze*

-http://hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com

Stew said...

sounds to me like you would make a FANTASTIC spy.

you do all the things well that James Bond does well.

1. Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred
2. You don't think ALL the Bond girls risk their lives for him because of his accent do you
3. He is a spy so he has to go places he is not wanted

i think i have made my point.

look into it.

c.watson said...

Ooh you should be a spy that would be cool.

Although tattooed bartender doesn't sound bad either, don't you get free drinks with that?

i.can't.complain. said...

u were definitely missed.

that quarter life crisis bug is going around.

unfortunately.

here's to hoping u find something that doesnt involve 5 inch clear heels and a g-string.

unless the job's in upper management.

then u'd be crazy not to take it.

im just saying...

-1-

yes said...

i feel u, 24@war

Folk said...

boob job you don't need. however, all the qualities you mention are in demand in stuffy stuck up corporate america.

do you and the job will one day find you.

Cool Kidd Cann said...

average life expectancy is around 75, right... so 75 divided by 4 is about 18... your quarter life crisis came in later than mine... imagine having one as soon as you turned 18... you'll be swell, so long as you use those talents to get you where you want to go in life... well, I guess it depends where you want to go, too... good luck, though

Skinny Girl said...

It sucks being a grown up.

Which is why I revert back to childhood A LOT

S X

Cunning_Linguist said...

Don't go for the fake boobs. They went out along with 'roid bulk. Besides, this sugar daddy plain old fashioned doesn't like them.

Hmmm.... let me ponder this one a bit. Earth shattering sexual appetite and ability. Drinking to the point of closing the bars down. Trespassing and not giving a damn about laws because they don't apply to you......

Why aren't you in politics?

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Two words: Porn Star...I'll be the first member on your website, as long as you blog about "performing".

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Well, happy anniversary first off. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Yes you have to work until you die, loll. It sucks ASS!! I feel like my youth has been stripped away from me coming to this pissy ass job every damn day. I'm only 24 and I miss getting drunk and stealing girl's panties. So I know how you feel. Good luck on that job hunting.

Opinionated Diva said...

LOL...I like being a grown up. Being a broke kid sucks worse...wouldn't mind having a sugar daddy myself though!

Good luck pounding the pavement.

12kyle said...

i don't wanna grow up...i'ma toys r us kid... lol

i feel you, tho!

ms.uncensored said...

being a grown up sucks hairy balls. why is it that society has made it so that being good and bed and having the ability to take back a number of shots in the double digits isn't a set of great skills to have? sigh.

i have a 9 to 5 and every morning when my alarm clock goes off i contemplate shooting myself or sending an express mail bomb to my office to blow that fucker up so i dont have to go to work. am i supposed to do this crap for the rest of my life? that blows.

on a lighter note, good luck. ooo and happy anniversary hunny!

oestrebunny said...

Being a grown up has it perks....paying taxes however, is not one of them.

karrie b. said...

we should talk to someone about making a job especially for bitches like you. once i figure out the name of this occupation, i'll get back to you.

-KB

Mister Underhill said...

You can always be my, uh, 'personal assistant' a while.

anonymousnupe said...

I have a job for your boobs.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

good to know my hobbies include drinking and trespassing as well...and possible rear ending in mall parking lots, that would be a Skill set qualification...

The Flyyest said...

girl you and me both....um at least you have a degree...i aint even got that!!!! well i got one thing you donr...a kid and that makes it harder!!! womp womp for us!!!! LOL

MsPuddin said...

Sabina- right. I think I live in the wrong era, for real. If it were the 60s I’d have a job stat.

Z’maji- yes. Drunken sex is my specialty…

Stew- I am already a ninja, but good lookin’…

c.Watson- I wish. My girl is a bartender, she keeps getting fired for drinking on the job…

-1- thanks chicka…I’m down w screwing my way to the top…if my life were a movie.

Folk- yeah I hope so. Corporate America does need a makeover…

Cool kid- yeah I hope to go at about 75, put me out of my misery please. Damn, well at least you aren’t 18 anymore right?

Skinny girl- yeah. Lets fly away to never never land and fck w some pirates…

Cunning l- I didn’t know you were a sugar daddy! You gotta speak up about those types of things. Don’t you have to be almost dead, white and a man to be successful in politics? The rest are just weirdly special…ex. Obama…

Joc- haha. I think Jenna has a site, but I’m not sure if she blogs…

She word- haha @ finding out this way. yeah MsP is spoil-ed. You said “stealing” panties, I said losing my panties, hmmm, I wonder if you have one of my pairs…

Op diva- you must have a good job then. They say if you love what you do, you’ll never work another day in your life. Thanks mamas, working on it…

12k- so much Payne…lol

ms.c- ok you have me over here bustin’ up, remind me not to apply at your job in case you do have an evil moment. You need one of those alarm clocks that in order to shut it off you have to throw it against the wall. They have those. Look into it…

bunny- yeah I dodged taxes this year on my bartender budget, but next year is going to be a different story. Hopefully, if I get a J O B

kb- please do. However, I think it is called reality TV…

mister u- haha. So you are hiring?

Nupe- I’m sure you do ;p

Nyc chick- lol him I might have to start taking classes on rear ending, that sounds fun!

Flyyest- haha. Womp womp is right. I don’t know how you do it though. I give you mad props…I’m sure you re a great mom though…

Bella said...

A quarter life crisis.

Sigh.

I miss that.

The Pew View said...

Baby don't you go getting worried about working the rest of yo life. Sounds to me that you can start your own business if you wanna. Let's see you could open a Panty Drawers store that has a bar inside the store and calls it "A Shot at Love". You could start a PI business that will allow you to use your trespassing skills and help peoples find out if they signifiant othas is cheating or stripping for a living. You could open up a club that caters to the young at heart and calls it "Suga Candy" and maybe even offers a dating service for older mens and young womens there. Baby all I'm trying to say is, you don't have to work the rest of your life for nobody. Get you a business of your own and work what you mama gave you. You a smart young lady and you can do anythang you put your mind too baby. Take care now.

Signed
Ruthie Ann

Muze said...

coulda swore i commented on this post... ah well.

to recap, growing up does suck.

sweaty, hairy balls.

yep.

Muze said...

and cosigning on the motivating sugar daddy.

lmao.

Maria said...

really feelin this post, ma! especially cuz my name in the industry is "Miss Candice", LOL... I say, GO FOR YOURS!

Afrodite said...

I am on the same page as you. Growing up and hitting your mid-twenties sucks! I think you just have to lay back and accept it. Hopefully you can find a job that fits your needs. If you're into trespassing, I hear the FBI is hiring and I'm only half joking.

James Tubman said...

you can get paid for sleeping long hours

you can do a sleep study lol

FlyyGurl said...

yes, growing up is one of those things i dread as well....wish cryogenics were for alive people too....like to freeze me in time or something.lol