Monday, May 12, 2008

Reason #4,153 Why I Don't Cuddle

Ok I was checking out -1-’s blog over the weekend and she had posted a clip from the Queens of Comedy with Sommore. Her nasty ass was talkin’ sh*t about the penis (of course), but not just any penis, little penis. She was commenting on why guys with little d*cks act surprised when you get to that part, like they just found out it was little too.

I was busting up, because this has happened to me before. I mean, I must say I’ve been pretty blessed for what I’ve been given in the penis-packaging department. The few * ahem * yes few, (looks over shoulder) I’ve seen have been worth my while, but there was this one. Yes, this one penis that made me mad. Well not so much as mad, just confused as hell…

It was like my sophomore year of college. I met this tall, sweet, handsome-chocolate-martini kind of guy. Bonus, he was also a Q, but he was different then all the other Qs. He wasn’t trying to dawg me out. I could just tell by the way he treated me. We spent a lot of time together and on the phone. It finally came time for me to make him mine. I was juiced. Ms Puddin’ was going to get her some chocolate, Q, lovin’! Oh yes!

So we got all into the moment, rollin’ around on my bed, kissing, caressing, and all that good stuff. When I reached down and wrapped my hand around what felt like my own index finger! WTF? I was so disappointed I pushed him off me, rolled over and went to sleep. I didn’t say anything. I spent the rest of the night with that little penis fingering my back. (Maybe that’s why I don’t like cuddling. I’m traumatized).

I’m sorry, but WOW. Some things I can work with don’t get me wrong. And I'm not one of those girls that needs a mandingo, but that has got to be…don’t want, don’t want, don’t want…lol

Sorry guys. Ladies? I know I am not the only one…

46 comments:

Skinny Girl said...

Oh god, I know what you mean. So take that incident and add it to a premature you know what.
That was the shortest relationship I ever had.

Call me shallow, but tiny and fast.

No. Thank. You.

anonymousnupe said...

Well, P, I don't have much sympathy for that situation. I mean, after all, he was a Que! What did you expect? (Big bark, little "impact.")

(Did I comment the same the first time you posted this story? I'm feelin' all Deja Vu.)

12kyle said...

Haaaaaaaaaa!!!! Too funny.

When I was in college I had quite a few female friends. I always found it interesting to hear their stories. I had a friend who slept with one of my teammates. She told me about his "lack of ability". And I found it very funny to his version of it in our locker room. He told one of the fellaz how he "beat it out the frame." Lmao.

Ole 12kyle has never heard any complaints..."in my day." Lmao!!!

Good post

Z'maji of HauteBlogXOXO said...

Oh Sweet Tasty Lamb Of GOD!!!

not an "index finger"!?

That poor young man and his malnourished penis.....YOU SHOULDA HAD A V8!!!

- http://hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com

P.S. To be born with a small penis......what a foolish thing to do!

John Barleycorn said...

Now I'm super scared. Do you want me to send you pictures of my penis so you can judge for yourself?

the old me said...

I think I know that same guy was his name.... nevermind.

karrie b. said...

this story hurts my head. it takes me back to that "is it in yet?" incident.

sadly, it was in.

-KB

The Pew View said...

Baby, I'm not sure why the good Lawd gives some fellas smaller peckas than others. My 2nd late husband Leroy Lee wasn't a looker, didn't have much conversation, but he sho made up for it in the bedroom. If you know what I mean?? Pose that's why I stayed with his ugly butt for so long. Don't get me wrong he was a good man, but fine he was not!

p.s. If you ever get a ugly man with a gifted pecka, get him, but don't do it missionary style!!!

Take care now

Signed
Ruthie Ann

Demon Hunter said...

LOL. What?? Too funny. That is messed up. :*)

A friend of mine used to have the guys just whip it out so her time wouldn't be wasted later...lol!!

MsPuddin said...

skinny girl- lol A little American Pie episode or what?

nupe- lol you just think you pretty boys do it so much better, in the red. Uh huh. Never wrote about it being small before, only too big. I feel like golidcocks, I want it just right.

12k- I believe it too. You seem like you have everything um, all together, if you know what I mean. If you’ve never got that what in the hell? Look than you re good…lol

z’maji- yeah poor guy, but gheezus! I’m not having it! no sir…

john- ok I’ve been showed penises before and those are usually in the too big category…so no thanks…

the old me- lol if ya know, lets not bust him out anymore

karrie b- lol boo. Yeah its like don’t even bother putting that thing in, we both are going to be disappointed. Well at least I am…

the pew view- hell there! Yeah my ex was U-G-L-Y, but very good in bed and a very smooth talker.

dh- I need to start doing that. I’m usually pretty good about spotting them, but I did not see that one coming…boo.

swag_ambassador said...

LOL. im weak @ the small penis pokin you in the back.. awww he was tryna spoon wit mini meat.. HA

12kyle said...

lmao @ karrie b!!!!

Z'maji of HauteBlogXOXO said...

Of course a man with a little Cack could argue that puttin "IT" in you is like throwin a bat down a hallway.....IS THERE AN ECHO IN YOUR NAPPY DUGOUT?!?!

....I don't mean you personally Puddin, M'Love. I know yo' sweeteez got that KUNG FU GRIP with tha killa stroke!

- http://hauteblogxoxo.wordpress.com

MsPuddin said...

swag- haha @ mini meat...for real though...wtf?

z- lol like hot dogs in a hall way? grand canyon? the belly of a whale? naw I've never had any complaints in THAT department...

Eb the Celeb said...

LMAO @ the penis making you confused...


but yes I so feel you... you are lucky that you have only had to bear one... my luck has not been so good.

Sabina said...

I finally understand your dislike for cuddling. I mean, that could be your only reason, and I'd support it.

That Saddity Chic said...

Hhahahahahha you crack me up!

Bella said...

That is TOO funny! Ranks right up there with, "Is it in?"... And yes,... it is!!!

Pronto said...

You so shoulda told him that it's not polite to point....

I actually tried to google some small dick jokes, but apparently the interweb took offense...

Guess I'll just hafta laugh at myself ;-(

Don said...

I bet you hurt dude's feelings...

Don said...

Then again, I guess he hurt yours too though. lol.

G-Sweet said...

hahahahaha!.... just... hahahaha!

Hadassah said...

I watched the clip too Sommore is funny and oh yeah I have had that experience too.

Krissyface said...

oh my god. A little penis tickling your back. Now that you mention it, I thought he was romantically tracing figure 8's on my back with his index finger...

fuck.

ms.uncensored said...

cringe. ughh. reminds me of an ex of mine who i was with 6 long torturous months. that little thing poked me in my back. my stomach. my leg. bad memories. such is life. ohhhh hey!

UBERMOUTH said...

One word- CULL!

STILL POCAHONTAZ said...

dont want no short short man...tha fck is that about....that nicca knew he had a stub before...trust you aint the first person that told him.

Mister Underhill said...

LOL!

Now that is a reason for not liking cuddling no guy would ever give. I don't know why girls don't check out the package asap. My ex girlfriend would always feel it through a guy's pance on the second date - if it was small, there'd be no third.

Kieya said...

LOL at least you let him stay.

when that happened to me, i told him to get out

Monie said...

I totally know what you mean. I too have encountered that which is known as the small penis. What's really bad is when the dude REALLY thinks that it's normal sized.

"Can you feel that? Yeah, Imma give you all that!"

Um, how bout no.

Rich said...

If it's one stereotype I don't mind associating myself with it's got to be the brothers with big hands and feet. I'm a proud card carrying member.

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

hmph.. yall rude.

:: storms out all dramatic like ::

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

I tell a bytch like this. BYTCH, you are going to get yours trust me. I used to guarantee a head aching orgasm to a chick who ended up in the bed.

It was gonna be from the konging to that ass, or from me hitting you in yo gat damn head with a Jodeci boot.

Either way you were going to be seeing stars.

The Jibby or the Jodeci Boot.

She W0rd Hustlez said...

Lol!!!! That is horrible and hilarious at the same time. Although, I'm a lesbian now, I can't say that I had any bad experiences in the penis department when I "swang" that way. Thank goodness, that would've probably pushed me into my lifestyle of choice deeper than what I am now!

LadyWritesTheBlues said...

LMAO

Oh no! Gotta have a well rounded brotha!

Qucifer said...

MAN!! A finger???


Man
oh man


I don't know I'm always big on I gives less than a fuck what your size is, if you are working me over , really I don't even care if you get yours!!!

BUT I too ditched a hot sexy man due to that sizing issue (and again, if you know anything, just now I got back from a GREAT pussy eating lunch with a much lesser man and I'd marry that mofo just on skills alone... but yeah, some things are just intolerably sad)

Lady Cameleon said...

..................lol...........you are a damn FOOL....Now I see why You over there badgerin me cause i want flowers & cuddlin......CAUSE your ass is on "Reason 4,153 why you dont cuddle"!!!! You better let me be cause "IT AINT MY FAULT"......and i was fortunate enough to NEVER have "this" problem.....lol..............and if i did he better at least be good at CUDDLIN!!!!!

catscratch diva said...

Speechless... that would be a fate worse than death.

Jadore.Tokeyo said...

LMAO!!!that would be some disappointing shit...ONE finger??? i would've been pissed too...fuck rolling over, i would have got my ass up and left!!! lol

MsPuddin said...

eb- ooo, I’m sorry that is not the business. I swear there is a trick to it and it aint always shoe size. Its in the swag…

sabina- glad to have you on team puddin’

saddity chic- I try ;p

bella- oh, that’s happened to me before too. Usually those guys give great head so it balances out…

pronto- you don’t need google, you got the right idea…

don- mine were hurt and guys don’t have feelings…

g- for real…

had- yeah, she had a valid point.

krissy- sorry to disappoint you honey, but that wasn’t his finger…

ms. c- welcome! Oh wow, I don’t know how you went six months…

uber- ?

poca- yeah and he should of told me waaaay before that incident. Stupid liar.

mister u- that’s why I grabbed the sucker, but usually im slicker than that. fck.

kieya- hay there! Yeah, I was in shock.

monie- lol @ ima give you all of that. all of what? Please, leave. Just go.

rich- I don’t look at the feet. Its in the swag. Im glad you don’t have a little problem…

slaus- ol sensitive ass nucca. I hate when guys make promises before the performance. One step at a time.

she word- his penis almost made me want to be a lesbian. Almost. Lol

ladywtb- ya feel me!

Q- like I said, usually I can work with certain issues, but that was a OHN! No way! lol there wasn’t even any meat. It was like holding a roll of quarters.

lady c- no fck that. if he got that problem he def. don’t need to be cuddlin w me. Lol yeah that’s right reason # 4, 153…

cat diva- pretty much. Ps- your blog is private? I would like to read your work. If your sharing…

jadore- he was in my bed. Lol im not that mean…

kayellejaye said...

Never had one of those little dudes. What's the absolute worst is when they know they can't get none and they still try to put it on you. On your leg, your back, your hand...uggh.

Now, you got me recalling repressed memories. Shit.

Muze said...

HA!!!!

man, i needed this laugh today. i had a similar experience. VERY similar.

lmao at him 'fingering' your back.

ha!!

poor man.

Afrodite said...

Wow! The index finger, though? Lol, and what about it poking in your back? That would freak me out...

Afrodite said...

Wow! The index finger, though? Lol, and what about it poking in your back? That would freak me out...

KIKI said...

So I guess what you sayin is...you dont want no short short man, huh? LMAO...I HEARD THAT!

i.can't.complain. said...

hehehe.... fingering your back??

classic.

been there.

only mine was a sigma-man.

beautiful and chocolate much like yours.

1st guy to give me some head.

he was great at it, too.

but i soon found out why.... pencil dick.

and not only that... it was short too :(

big dude too. aah well.

-1-