Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The MILF Who Killed My Ego


TRUE STORY:

The go go company that I dance with had a live photo shoot at a night club on Sunday. It was make-up artists, costumes, Michael Vincent, the whole nine. So in the midst of the mayhem I made numerous trips to the bathroom to make sure that everything was in place.

I noticed that there was a lady who seemed to be in the bathroom mirror every time I was in there. So I said to her, “Every time I’m in here, you’re here.”

“Yeah, maybe we’re on the same schedule,” she responded.

“Maybe,” I said.

“Sooo,” she said. “How many kids do you have?”

How many kids do I have!!!? NONE. And isn’t the question, do you have any kids, not how many?

“I don’t have any kids, what makes you think I have kids?” I asked.

“Oh, just the way you carry yourself, you seem more mature than the other girls,” she said.

I’m wearing booty shorts and my bra is showing, how in the hell does that scream, “I’m more mature bitches!?”

“No I think that was just a nice way of saying, hey you look fat in your skimpy photo shoot outfit,” I said.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “Don’t worry hon, I have two kids and look at me.”

She was a total MILF, probably in her late 30s, brunette, with big rubber titties. Possibly some work done on her face, but I couldn’t put it past her that she looked good.

“Well, I have a degree, that’s my baby,” I boasted a little bit.

“Oh what do you have your degree in,” she asked.

“I have a BS in journalism,” I told her.

“Oh yeah, that’s good,” she said. “I have my Masters in speech.”

Great, now not only am I a fat ass, I’m a dumbass too. I could feel my bubble burst all over the bathroom mirror. Who the hell was this lady? Was she working for Satan?

Note to self: Don’t start small talk with random MILFs in bathrooms unless you’re under the influence or covered up.

29 comments:

Cunning_Linguist said...

and note to MYself : Start talking to random milf's in the bathroom because obviously that's where all the good looking smart ones get into catfights.

No worries, Ms.P.... if you wanna one up the bitch and start makin' them babies just let me know. Your complexion and my green eyes will set her back a ways. Or, we could just practice and call it even. I'm good either way.

anonymousnupe said...

They don't call him cunning for nuffin'. Who knew he was so altruistic, too?!

So, P, did she at least inspire you? Did you see in her what you could become, seeing as how you seem to be on a similar career track.

Narm said...

What did you say her number was again?

Judy D. said...

hahaha... well u shouldnt be assuming stuff about babymamas ..::rolls eyes::.. lol

i am sure yr much hotter lol

karrie b. said...

listen bitch, dont let NO dried up haggin ass hag heffa whore make you feel less hot than you are. i'm sure after you pop a few babies out you'll be a total MILF. i'd put money on it.

-KB

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

Thats what chu get for tryna talk shyt. lol.

I think when a young hot female, comes up against a hot older female, it's best for the young hottie to just fall back and wait her turn. Because you will not win that shyt. soon enough YOU'll be that MILF and will be able to make some other young chick play the background.

matter of fact.. where is vanessa William's number.. tired of her ass and this restraining order boolshyt. Sooner she let me hit it, the sooner i'll leave her the fugg alone.

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

hmm matter of fact, you've inspired me to do a new post on my blog. Im gonna get right on that.

... later..

meh fuggit, i dont feel like it. carry on hun.

:: yanks Karrie B's Hair ::

YoungBlackBeauty said...

Look at it this way, she has a masters in speech but she's a go-go dancer? You hot without two extra packages so don't worry.

Rose Hips said...

You realize that becoming a MILF would result in having a kid, right? I think you've got the better end of the stick. You're younger, probably hotter (not many can pull off booty shorts and live to talk about it), and you don't have any kids sucking your will to live or making it impossible to get your masters someday...keep on, keepin' on....and stay away from chatter in the bathroom, it only leads to hell and heartache.

Stew said...

yay for milfs.

they are hot and they know that they are hot, rubber titties and all

but dont feel like you have to compete with these women. you will be a fantastic milf one day

Krissyface said...

I think that's kinda inspiring. I don't have my masters OR a booty I would allow to be photographed. I am kinda MILFy though...

Mista Jaycee said...

Hey Ms. Puddin
Didn't you know that most Adult Men's Entertainment Specialists ie Strippers have Masters degrees in Chillean Studies? LOL
Ya got the BS don't sell ya self short! Speaking of Booty shorts Pics my dawling Pics!
Jaycee

Muze said...

lmao.

you're gonna be a hot milf too, puddin.

so remember that and relish in the day when you are in the bathroom and can say that to some young banana split.

lol.

Suite B said...

Only you Puddin...only you

So@24 said...

Rubber boobies. Dope!

Smitty said...

You should've told her that you vagina was tighter than hers...No contest there. Unless she got that nip/tucked too.

c.watson said...

WHo gets a masters in speech? Like you can't get up in front of people and talk. Thats the dumb person's masters (trust me I would know).

G-Sweet said...

hahahaha @ smitty...

ummmm yea “I have my Masters in speech."...

woulda pissed me off too...lmao!

Bella said...

LMAO!

A "Master's in speech" and yet she can't even start up a decent conversation!

Sabina said...

Even better than being a MILF: knowing you're hot enough to be one if you chose to, but electing to not have a bunch of babies.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

no she didnt play the kid card lol

dejanae said...

lol
dont worry ma
u straight

dejanae said...

oh my bad
u aint got no damn babies
lmao

Obama Mama said...

I know y'all going to be thinking, who is this country ass girl, when I ask this question, but I don't feel like calling my neice early in the morning to ask her, but what does MILF stand for?
But NE way don't let her get you down, she was probably lying anyway, just to make you jealous. She's probably been watching you for a while.

Don said...

Too funny @ this post. I don't think she was working for the Devil. I think she did choose her words properly.

That banner pic is too sweet.



@ obama: MILF = grown baby momma's or wives who are still sexually attractive.

Qucifer said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHahahhah talk about being PWNED! and demoralized in one fell swoop




Bitches!

Eb the Celeb said...

lmao @ "was she working for satan"

I hate when people ASSume that you have kids... I mostly get it from men... you cant possibly be in your late 20's without having one... and no I havent had not a one miscarriage or abortion either... and yes they have asked... I have never been pregnant PERIOD... does that answer all ya damn questions... damn


OK I guess I just vented a lil bit...

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