Thursday, December 13, 2007

Tis' the Season

Every year my mom, who is also a writer, takes a little bit out of each of our lives and shares it with friends and family. This year I was a little offended reading the holiday letter, because my mom wrote that I have a bizarre sense of humor. My sense of humor might be a little different, but no one in my family has any room to talk when it comes to how talented and disturbingly entertaining we are.

Just last week my dad called to tell me that my mom had got her foot caught in the strap of her purse while trying to get out of her car. She fell onto the sidewalk and clocked her face on the driver’s door trying to get back up, giving herself a black eye. My dad is already on crutches, because he recently fractured his ankle. So he was sitting on the passenger's side looking over at her like, “what is going on?”

Mom, my sense of humor might be strange, but you sure are talented.

In the holiday letter she also wrote about my baby brother. The poor kid is the last of the siblings, stuck at home with good old mom and dad. At sixteen the kid just got his drivers license and an iphone. (I guess my mom really wants grandchildren)...

Anyway, at my parent’s house, in the kitchen, there is a walk in pantry. My mom wrote about how my brother managed to lock himself into the pantry just before dinner. (The doorknob is broken and he knows it. He was messin' around and got stuck in there). While my dad went to find a screwdriver to take the door off and get my brother out, my mom heard a muffled voice from inside, “Mom, I’m going to have a cookie, OK?” He actually managed to jiggle the doorknob and get the door open shortly thereafter. (“Was it all just a ruse to get a cookie before dinner,” my mom thought to herself).

My mom also wrote in the holiday letter that she went on a rant about how bad soda is. “Soda is not food, it’s one of the worst things you can put in your body,” my mom said. My brother replied, “No Mom, crack is one of the worst things you can put in your body.”

Touché.

My other brother goes to school in southern California. In May my mom received an email from the school, warning parents that there was an outbreak of syphilis on campus. Parents were encouraged to remind their son or daughter not to have unprotected sex. My mom forwarded the email to my other brother. He called her and said, “Mom, everyone’s parents are calling them about that email.” So she said, “Well just promise me that you will have protected sex.”

He replied, “Mom, I promise I’ll have as much protected sex as possible!”

My family, gotta love them…

35 comments:

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Your family sounds like a riot! I bet family get togethers are a blast...or at least interesting!

Suite B said...

So you and yo momma are crazy!

Can you please invite me over for Christmas, Easter, Family Reunion and family gathering. I love comedy shows and I think that would be better than watching the Kings of Comedy on DVD again.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

i like your family. i don't talk to mine at all.

Comatose Chris said...

Haha, love the comment from your brother in SoCal, way to make your mom nervous out of her mind and your papa proud.

MsPuddin said...

pp- yes very interesting. I have to make sure there is plenty of wine before I stay the night…

suite b- trust me five minutes, just five minutes and you will be begging for the first plane trip out of there!

diarrhea- that sounds depressing, sorry to hear that…

chris- my mom is so out of the loop, she doesn’t want to believe her 21-yr-old does any of that kind of stuff at all. Note to mom: get over it…

Still_Pocahontaz said...

My mom also wrote in the holiday letter that she went on a rant about how bad soda is. “Soda is not food, it’s one of the worst things you can put in your body,” my mom said. My brother replied, “No Mom, crack is one of the worst things you can put in your body.”

I LIKE HIM...LOL

anonymousnupe said...

Maybe your other brother can hook up with Supa Head annem in his quest to take protected sex to new heights?

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

Man, I love your family! It sounds alot like mine, actually! =)

onthevirg said...

Can you, pretty please, do something about that gawdawful grey on black layout? I think I might be going blind. And no, it's not from that...yet.

MsPuddin said...

still_p- ok good so it’s not just my crazy ass momma

anon- if my brother admitted to me in having relations with that woman, he would never be able to have sex again…

PS- stay away from my little brother! Lol

s/c/w- awesome! Good to know there are more like them out there…

onthevirg- lol sorry old man, I made it a little brighter just for you. I was thinking about redecorating, I just don’t have any inspiration…

G-Sweet said...

yea im with POCA... the “No Mom, crack is one of the worst things you can put in your body.” line had me @ my desk crackin up!

Suite B said...

How old is your other brother...maybe I will ask him to marry me so I can hang around your family and when they start to get on my nerves I will just say I'm tired of him and ask for a divorce

MsPuddin said...

G- we always messin’ w my mom…lol hella funny…

Suite b- which one!? I have four lol and they all get on my nerves…except the youngest, he cool…but he's only sixteen...

Muze said...

ha gotta love the fam. wow you have four brothers...i have six! well, one is a step brother but i love him like one of the other munsters.

my youngest brother is the funniest by far. he just turned 20 and thinks he is just the man...it's quite funny to see these girls fawning over him. i'm like, if you only knew the real him...with his goofy butt.

your family is a riot!

The Guv'ner said...

Miss P! Not only are you and your family smokingly funny you like margaritas and Denzel! I think you are the ying to my yang and I already wish I hadn't said that because it sounds dirty...

Mister Underhill said...

STDs always get a bad rap. Like syphillis. Syphillis is cool! You may not really have superpowers, but after a while you'll think you do...and that's what counts, right?

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

Ms.P, your family sounds awesome! Its always nice to know that people actually get along with their family.

Just wait until your younger brother gets older, that's when the fun really starts!

MsPuddin said...

muze- yeah well one of mine is half and one step, but they still the bros…my 20 yr old bro goofy as hell too…I don’t like the little skanks that be on him (that’s what I call em) back up!

the guv’ner- oh I like dirty talk, maybe sometime I can whip you up a margarita and we can watch a Denzel movie…

mister underhill- lol I don’t know what is cool about syphilis unless I get to wear a cape or panties over my spandex. Hey that way at least I won’t lose them…

laughing through my chardonnay- oh yeah my other brother turns 21 in march, man it’s on! lol

Mortarbored said...

So when's the season premiere?

Steph said...

Haaaaaahahaha! I must be your poor,white, trash, cousin. Our families are so similar it's disturbing.

Suite B said...

I can't date 16year old...I do have some rules. What about the other 3.

What am I saying...I'm about to get married. Lets just act like we never talked about this. :)

Don said...

I like your sense of humor. And I hate my family. Well, some of 'em anyways.

Slaus of O Hell Nawl said...

I'll bring the Hot chex mix and rum? can I come to the party? Sounds like a damn fun time to be had.

Divalicious said...

Haha. I'm glad I'm the only one who writes shit about my family. At least this way my goofy ass isn't the one lookin that way :)

Slick said...

Ha! I wished my Mom would've told me that ;)

Does your Mom keep her purse down by her feet close to the door? My wife does that and I'm just waiting on the day she falls out of the car.

Ms.Lady said...

he betta gawn with his well protected azz...lol..that was too funny..yolur family sounds hilarious...can i laugh at your mother having a "jim carey" moment as long as shes ok?? that sounded like pure physical comedy..lol...and your younger brother...all over a cookie?? lol..too much.

crack is whack..soda gives you facial breakouts..lol.

Bella said...

Actually, I bet your mom writes an awesome letter!

MsPuddin said...

mortarbored- most important reason I could never take my family public? They fart, A LOT. Three boys is no joke!

steph- awesome, maybe I’ll stop by the trailer sometime…

suite b- my older brother is…wait married? Yeah this convo is so over lol

don- thanks don, man a lot of people on blogger don’t like their families. Maybe that’s why we blog…

slaus- you + my family = rehab…sorry no way no how!

divalicious- what would we do if we couldn’t talk shit about our families?

slick- oh please believe if she is as talented as my mom, it is bound to happen…I wasn’t there and I still don’t get how that was possible. Talent I tell ya, pure talent…

ms. lady- oh we laugh at my mom all the time…I know, both my brothers think they slick…

bella- lol she sure does!

Divalicious said...

His family actually reads this crap anyway, his sisters at least. Go me!

marky said...

Invite me over for Christmas dinner. This family sounds like fun.

Opinionated Diva said...

"No mom, crack is the worse thing you can put in your body!"

LOL...tooooooo funny! Sounds like you ALL have a morbid sense of humor. Nothing wrong with that!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

no mom crack is the worst thing you can put in your body I seriously just spit out my mountain dew reading that...

My parents think my humor is odd too, normally I just tell them that I am sorry if my jokes dont match up to the jokes the dinosaurs told back in their day.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

i love that movie. as much as i love as much protected sex as possible that had me rolling

Betty said...

Your family is awesome! and you are such a funny girl =- I love your writing style babe.

Merry Christmas!!

MsPuddin said...

divalicious- your blog? LOL

marky- we are fun somehow without soda, alcohol and drugs…hmmm

opinionated diva- yeah I get my sense of humor from my dad, but my mom can take a joke

nyc chick- seriously dinosaur jokes are so played…

torrance- my brother is a fool, he better not make me an auntie until he graduates from that damn school!

betty- thanks betty! I missed you over here, happy holidays to your too…