Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Ms Puddin’s never had a d*ck in the booty and other stuff people find hard to believe

I bet a lot of you have been wondering, what happened to Ms Puddin’? Where is she? Why hasn’t she been posting?! (Or not). Well I’ll tell you (anyway) where I’ve been. In the refrigerator! Goddamn birth control got me actin’ all kinds of crazy. Only plus side to the pill is I now officially have boobs...

However, every little thing has me nerve sensitive. The damn faucet in the bathroom that drips constantly has been driving me crazy, Tyra Banks (seriously, who gets that excited over Vaseline?), people who wear sweatshirts and flip-flops at the same time, the penis, the superficial inability for people to recognize our diminishing economy.

And it doesn’t help that lately people have been asking me stupid sh*t. I guess I’m one to talk since I often spend time looking for my phone while I’m on it. Although, is it really necessary for people to continue to ask me the same question over and over again, expecting I will eventually change my answer into the response they are looking for? If it’s a yes or no question and I’ve answered no, more than likely, the answer is no. *gasp* I got into it with a customer at my job the other day, (because of the answer no) over a freakin’ veggie burger…

Customer: “Do you have a veggie burger?”

MsP: “No, I’m sorry we don’t.”

Customer: “You don’t have a veggie burger?”

MsP: “Nope, we don’t.”

Customer: “You really don’t have a veggie burger?”

MsP: “I'm sorry sir, but if you think that if you keep asking me a rephrased version of your question, a veggie burger will magically appear on our menu, you are mistaken. However, we do have a great Asian salad.”

Isn’t “NO” the same in like three or four different languages?

Then, I don’t even know how we got on the subject the other day, but one of my male coworkers could not grasp the fact that I’d never had a d*ck in the booty.

Coworker: “You’ve never tried anal sex before?!”

MsP: “Nope, never.”

Coworker: “Never!? Not even once when you were drunk or high?”

MsP: * strange look * “Um, no.”

Coworker: “You’ve never experimented? Not even once.”

MsP: “No! Gheezus!”

Why is this so incredibly hard to digest? If I died tomorrow, I’m not going to think to myself, (while I’m sitting in hell sippin’ a margarita), “Man, I sure wish that I would have gotten a d*ck in the booty before I got hit by that bus.”

Life is already hard, let’s not make it any harder on ourselves people!

* Goes back to fondling newly grown titties *

41 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'd rather take a dick in the booty than eat a veggie burger.

Deutlich said...

Dick in the ass is over rated.

Seriously.

NEVER again.

Demon Hunter said...

Why are men obssessed with that? Say no to prison sex, ladies! LOL. :*)

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

first - great boobs

second - as a dude, I can not understand the obsession with backdoor boogaloo. It's not as if there aren't two other extremely fun orifices ( Orifi?) on the female body, that are both much more moist n fun.

I've done the azz thing once.. once. And I have no desire to ever do so again. Prolly because wifey says If I do her, she gets to harness up and do me.

.... hell to the nawl.

I am exit only thanks.

anonymousnupe said...

Why are you and your colleague talkin' 'bout fudge packin' around the food anyway? Don't you know that E. Coli can infest a meal even if the word "rim" is uttered in close proximity?!

As freaky as I admittedly are, I've never had the desire to take that route. I'll play around back there, but the tight pucker sends a clear message that thou shalt not enter. (Except unless you're talkin' 'bout (lubricated) fangerin', of course. In that case it’s on, baby!)

And I second Slausy Slaus’s adoration of your mammaration: "Mmmmmmmm."

maverick said...

newly grown titties???u underwent breast augmentation surgery??

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

Ey Nupe, soon as wifey falls asleep, ima roll up t your crib then you and I can go roll across america on a Fanga Bang Tour.

:daps :
wait... you wash your hands?

@ Deutlich - ok doll , with the animosity in that post, ive got the feeling there is a story there WAITING to be told. :: points to your blog :: get to it.

anonymousnupe said...

Fanger condoms, Slaus. Fanger condoms.

Afrodite said...

I'm not surprised... alot of people haven't had a d*ck in the booty...

Don said...

The tat on your chest is nice. Tiddys are even nicer.

Anyways, I hope that you dont ever get down with the title of your post. You're more jazzier than that.

Im tripping @ dude asking about the veggie burger, like its trivia or something. LOL.

MsPuddin said...

bug’s butt- really…interesting. Not even with ketchup, mustard and cheese?

deutlich- lol ooooh! So you’ve tried it…please do tell…

demon hunter- really if you want to put it in my butt I question YOUR sexuality…

slaus- thanks. I’m proud. All the freak nasty you and Wanna do I’m shocked…but not shocked that she would strap down and have at you lol

nupe- oh, if people only knew the types of conversations their servers are having in the kitchen lol they might never eat again…

mav- um no! please read between the lines…

slaus n nupe- if yall two don’t take your nasty tour bus ideas up out of my comments section…there will be no protection because there will be no fangering!

MsPuddin said...

afrodite- whew, wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea though, ya know…

don- thanks…I like the sound of jazzier, I’ve never been described that way…I wanted to strangle dude. The answers is no and will CONTINUE to be no lol

Qucifer said...

You know I STAY preaching to you about the dick in the booty


There is a reason for that


Get with it! but get you a guy that KNOWS what he is doing, that way you won't need excessive liquor, or prayer, or stitches

Still_Pocahontaz said...

At least you only got extra titty growth…my growth was all fkcn over. Birth Control is the devil!

I aint with that d*ck in the booty mess either. You either like it or you don’t…That is why I love gay men..IMO they are the strongest mofos on the planet!

Suite B said...

.:PLEASE JOIN HANDS FOR A WORD OF PRAYER:.

Lord please watch over MsPuddin and give her the strength that she needs to deal with the crazy vegetarian who keeps asking for a damn Veggie Burger when all they have to offer him is Asian Salad. Please Lord I ask that you remove that ignorant co-worker out of her presence who keeps talking about anal sex. Lord MsPuddin doesn't like anal sex and has never had anal sex Lord, so please have her co-worker stop asking her about it. We ask that as much pain and mood swings that her new birth control is giving her ends, but we ask that the pill still works in magic so that MsPuddin is not able to produce any little bad azz children before she is ready and willing. In your name we prayer, AMEN.

Bella said...

Trust me, the veggie burger is better.

LMAO.

ANyway, another dumb ?. The tatt on your boobie. What does it mean?

I'm in the market lately...

Bella

Naughty said...

Boys will be boys and are always curious about things that make the penis pop up.

Tsk,tsk,tsk.

12kyle said...

nice tits...i mean...tat...i mean...you know what I mean. LOL

theBULLY said...

Hol' up. New titties...and I couldn't even get a pic of one of the old ones for the B-day? That's just horrible.

Secondly, a finger in the ass world Tour, and no the BULLY?

C'mon now, Steve has been claiming the thumb in the ass as his patented trademark move for like 2.5 years.

How bout y'all let me be the Road Manager?

theBULLY said...

Oh....and yeah, them boobages is lookin' quite niiiiicce.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

omg i am so OVER TYRA...her talk show questions are about as intellegent as tara reid's reporting skills

So@24 said...

Keep girls from getting preggers and they boost the ladies up a size.

It's a magical pill.

MsPuddin said...

Q- girl you are off the hook with all of that…I guess you had the right ONE …

still_p- birth control IS the damn devil lol oh well I just don’t need any mini mees runnin around right now so its ok, I guess…

suite b- thank you mamas, is all forgiven?

bella- veggie burgers aren’t bad, we just don’t have them lol it says ‘pleasure’ or ‘to enjoy’ in Japanese…don’t ask…lol

naughty- anything makes the penis pop up, you would think their curiosity is dead…

12klye- welcome! Haha thanks…

thebully- ah um, these are belated birthday titties… you were not invited for a numerous of reasons, but I’d have to kill you if I told you…why thank you ;p

nyc chick- I don’t know what medication she is on, but I want some. Tyra’s not Tara’s…

so@24- that’s one way to look at it…it also makes our head’s spin and shoot venom, but that’s just my experience…

Muze said...

you are a mess. complete hilarity.

is that what i have to do to get my boobs back? lol.

and why is it your coworkers business if you've had anal sex? i mean, really?

i'll take the veggie burger thanks. lol.

karrie b. said...

well, u need to to have dick in the booty either. shit hurts.

you have AWESOME boobs! can i borrow some for this weekend?

i got off the patch, it totally through my 'red' off balance. now i can't slut it up on my bday...argggh.

-karrie b.

Verbal Vixen (T Caldwell) said...

I feel the same way Puddin', when folks act like they can't believe that I've never had anal. Wait - you said you were shocked, too! *growls and shakes fist at you*

And girl let me tell you birth control can change you for life. I had boobs but no butt, so the pills added generously to my backside. Bunk those pills!

Baby Kiki Wallace, Reporter said...

for those who really know me..

FUUGGGG the pill!!!!

That ish actually tried to take my dayum life (literally..wishing I could add my complaint to the class action suit).

Now....that said.

Nice boobies...and a d*ck in the azz is not nice, especially if it's not wanted. I would take a veggie burger any day....of course...Imma vegetarian. hehe

Baby Kiki Wallace, Reporter said...

...and the bra you were wearing was what brand??...

:: opens notebook ::

Diva said...

Men, can't live with 'em... can't get nekkid around 'em without the big anal conversation...

I believe you, darlin!

MsPuddin said...

muze- I know, I was already a mess before and this pill isn’t helping…I was mad that I had to take it at first, but it has its plus and minuses…

karrie- I heard the patch puffs up whatever area you put it on…hmmm…*plotting next move *…birthday booty is overrated, just go party w your friends…

wanna- I could only imagine what kind of whips, chains and voodoo be goin on in you and Slaus’ bedroom… *shakes scary image from head * damn I could use some booty to go with these titties…

baby kiki- oooh story, I want to know how you almost lost your life to the pill…lol I usually wear my Vicki Secret push up bras…

MsPuddin said...

diva- I agree, can't live with them, can't shove stuff up their anuses and watch them squirm...

Sabina said...

I love how "the penis" is hidden in a list of "every little thing."
And everyone's right: totally overrated. I only do it now as a reward for very positive behavior (i.e., quitting smoking). I'm kind of like Mother Theresa that way.

G-Sweet said...

Literally *crackin up* @ lightening bugs comment.... hahahahahaha.... too funny... I'll eat veggie burgers (which I find to be utterly disgusting and pointless) for the rest of 2008 b4 anything even attempt.... nevermind this is makin' my stomach hurt...

And slaus... maaaan ur imput is beyond comedic... sounds like wifey aint even goin fa' dat... women know how to send the message so us men get the point, fastttt!

PUDDIN... u did it again another entertaining post... gotta give it to ya... my only input is nnext time th co-worker keeps badgerin' u about backdoor bangin, fight fire with fire and and badger him as to why he hasn't tried it, shit or has for that matter....

Gsweet ouuutttt!

Baby Kiki Wallace, Reporter said...

Puddin, oh I am just one of those people that the side effects that they list during the commercial....rang true.

Jocular Schlemiel said...

My girlfriend said I could hit it from the back in August 2007...still waiting.

BTW, nice rack.

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

Iont know yall... If I had to choose between eating a Veggie burger and taking a dick in the azz, it might be a toss up... that's how horrific i find veggie burgers.

I remember a friend came over to a BBQ and she had the hippy stank nerve to ask me to put her Veggie burger on the grill before we put the meat on....

I could bust her in the head with the spatula for saying something so ignant.

so I vote no on the Bocca burger. SO much so, id have to wager that with anal violation.

it's a close one..

LOL.. im ignant.

MsPuddin said...

Sabina- that’s funny you caught that, because I didn’t even notice! LOl I didn’t do it on purpose!

g- lol glad you enjoyed it, always comin in my comments gettin on ppl…

baby kiki- ooooh. Yeah that always happens to me too, but instead of one side effect, I get them ALL…

jocular- Welcome! Thanks! Try sending her an email to refresh her memory…

slaus- you would NEVER want to BBQ with my mom then. She is a vegetarian and she will corner your ass to put some tofu n sh*t on the grill before the meat…

Mister Underhill said...

I guess maybe he's had it before? heh.

I stop paying attention to blogger just like a couple days and I miss a boobie post? How cant hat be?

Ms.Lady said...

I cant stand when people think your answer will change because THEY want it to THAT badly....lol.

Oooo...You have boobies!!!
My son deflated mine after breastfeeding :-(

James Tubman said...

well that's one thing we have in common lol

yeah you probably shouldn't put anything up there it's for stuff going out not in except for an enema lol

Sojourner G said...

girl you wild. let me know the name of those pills. I need to buy some stock.