Am I Over Anal-lyzing?

“It’s only kinky the first time.”

I don’t know how many times a man has offered me the glorious opportunity to engage in some sexual anal action. I’ve lost track of how many times a man has whispered the romantic words, “let me put it in your butt” in my ear, but if I had a dollar for every time, I would be a rich woman. As many times as I get asked for some anal action, if I were to actually participate, my ass would be red and swollen. Similar to Miss South Carolina’s (such as) face when she crawled off stage.

Having never tried it, at this point I would rather lick the jam from in between a fat man’s toes than have a man stick his d*ck in my butt for some “sexual stimulation”. In fact, a man who wants to stick it in my butt, I’d question his sexuality. Go to the jailhouse and hit on the first man you see with a twinkle in his eye for all that nonsense.

I’m sorry to be such a debbie, but anal just doesn’t appeal to me. I mean if do get married I would most likely experiment with my husband. However, key words: IF I GET MARRIED shouldn’t be taken lightly.

I just don’t get it. I can’t imagine sticking anything in a hole that was designed for stuff to come out of. Why can’t a man just be satisfied with a BJ, some reverse cowgirl or something? Isn’t one hole enough? I mean you can stick it in my ear if you really want to. Maybe rub your d*ck in the crease where my knee bends, or something, that might do it. We can get creative. I’m open for suggestions. And no matter how unappealing anal sounds, I have also heard a few horror stories as proof to why it is not the best idea in the Kama Sutra.

Scenario 1) I once heard of this girl who let her man do her in the butt and she had chronic diarrhea for a week. Scenario 2) I also heard from friend, of a friend, of a friend that her man stuck it in her butt and it ripped all the skin from her vagina to her butt hole. She ended up screaming and hollering all the way into the emergency room, her boyfriend walking sheepishly behind her.

“They didn’t know what they were doing,” said a guy friend of mine. “You just can’t ram it in there. You have to get lots of lube and ease it in with care.”

Oh no. I’m not falling for that one again. What do I look like? A young, sweet, innocent and naïve girl who could easily be taken advantage of? I got the same justification about the first hole and I still have to remind guys this isn't a pussi marathon. Slow down! So there is no way I'm going to believe all that mumbo jumbo about the second hole being a piece of cake.

And what if his d*ck is as big as ManDingo? Then what? I'll be waddling around like a duck split in two pieces (places). I don't know what scares me more about the back door, not having tried it or the fact that everyone tells me once I try it I'm going to love it. And like I said before I'm down to try new things, but I don't want my curiosity to get the best of me.

Omg. All this over anal-lyzing is giving me a headache...