Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Buddha Made Me Do It

Has anyone else ever been out drinking with a friend, who for some reason decides to steal a Buddha head from the bathroom of a bar?

No. Just me. Ok. F*cking fantastic.

Ya know, I love my friends and I’ve come along way as to whom I choose to associate with. As my mom would put it, one of my boyfriends in high school was three days out of his orange jumpsuit before taking me to prom. She’s a little dramatic, but I can’t say that she is wrong, exactly.

And I’m definitely no angel. For example, how else would I be able to tell you that espressos and vodka mixed, are not a good idea? Kind of like a Chihuahua on crack.

Anyway, I went out with my friend and her roommate Monday night. (The same friend who lives with the guy who told the “Angry Pirate” story). So, three bars into the night we end up at this upscale spot. When we walked in and sit down at the bar, the bartender looked at us and started pouring three waters. Thank God, because one more drink and I would have been butt naked on that bar while my friend made a cocktail out of my ass.

“I’ll be right back,” says my friend.

“Ok,” I slurr. “Whoo-hoo, it’s Monday night baby!”

Ten…twenty minutes go by and she still has not come back from the bathroom. Either she’s taking a sh*t or she is passed out, ass up, on the bathroom floor.

“Um, I’ll be right back,” I said to her roommate. “I’m going to go and see if she’s ok.”

On the way into the bathroom I’m thinking, this is going to be bad. I open the door and this b*tch is like a spider on the wall, hanging on for dear life to a giant Buddha head that is screwed into the wall!

“WTF are you doing!?” I yelled.

“I’m trying to get this off,” she replied.

“Where are you going to put it!?”

“In my room.”

“NO! I mean like how the f*ck are you going to get it out of here?”

“I’m just going to carry it up under my shirt,” she said.

Mind you, this b*tch has on like THE tightest tank top ever and the Buddha head was not small. It wasn’t big, but it wouldn’t make three drunk girls look any more discreet.

All of a sudden, like a bomb went off in the building, she comes flying back, clean across the whole bathroom and lands on her ass. She is still holding onto the Buddha head like someone had super glued it into her hands.

I run out of the bathroom and tell her roommate, “um, we need to go…”

We tell the bartender that our girl is throwing up in the bathroom and we need to exit out the back. Five minutes later three drunk girls come stumbling out of the bar, running, with a giant Buddha head. My friend with the Buddha eats sh*t and I’m like Forrest Gump, gone.

Yes, I could have stayed and tried to talk her out of it, but when this girl gets drunk she gets stu-born. I wasn’t about to go to jail for jacking a Buddha head.

Hell maybe, but jail, no thanks. ;p

MsP

34 comments:

John Barleycorn said...

So wait, she got busted? If not, I want a picture of where she put it in her apartment.

The Doggy Did It said...

I dunno, do budists believe in Hell? I will google it brb.

My step mom stole a soap dispenser for the bathroom of a pf changs a few weeks ago when she was drunk.

I prolly would have appreciated it much more had I been drunk too...but it was pretty funny.

MsPuddin said...

john- nope, yeah I told her when I come over there better be a fcking memorial dedicated to that thing...

doggy- your moms my hero! Really, so we re in the clear *whew*

Qucifer said...

um, yeah shit like that seems to stay happening to YOU alone

i.can't.complain. said...

dude,

i totally need to start hanging w/u.

did she actually fit the head under her tank?

im just shocked that yall were able to run

what, with being 1 drink away from an "ass cocktail" and all.

lmao.

love your blog.

-1-

12kyle said...

Classic case of doing some crazy shit while under the influence of the "good grape." Toooo funny!

Canon Adonis said...

???

wow... that's wild... y'all sound fun to get drunk with... like, not "middle of the day while volunteering with high-school kids" drunk... but it sounds like an adventure.

marky said...

You poor drunk african american girls...don't you want marky to come along as designated....driver?

MsPuddin said...

q- hmmm I should look into that...

i.cant-no, thats why we were runnin, like slaves lol

12k- yes! we were drinkin some BLUE drank! lmao!

canon- naw, lol but I did scare some kids...

marky- actually my friend w the Buddha is white, but we do need a DD for next time...

Hadassah said...

LOLOLOLOL@ I open the door and this b*tch is like a spider on the wall, hanging on for dear life to a giant Buddha head that is screwed into the wall!

This post is too funny like I can't believe you guys actually managed to run out the club with a Buddha head

kay zee said...

Espresso and vodka is martini heaven

Sabina said...

I wanna go out with you and your friends!

karrie b. said...

these drunk stories are awesome. i wanna hear more. you post some, and i'll post some.

-KB

Des said...

That's hilarious!

That was quick thinking going out the back door. Or maybe I don't get out enough...

Still_Pocahontaz said...

Okay....Im just like, yeah, I have no words to say. People go to bars on Monday?

Deutlich said...

dude! i need a crazy drunk night like this - FOR. REAL.

Pan/Thanatos said...

Classic. m0therfricken' classic!
Man that reminds of the ol' days... the silly shenanigans we used to get into around Brooklyn... like getting arrested on church roofs n shit.
I totally would have grabbed the buddha, drunk or not.

Lady Cameleon said...

hahahahhahaha....My friend...my friend, So you were jus partying the whole weekend and Monday! Whew! Sorry I missed out...no sitter, I jus put a 2 peice on and hopped in and outta pools this whole weekend with tha lil one.

Lady Cameleon said...

Oh and Girl your stories are great!!! YOu really are a fantastic writer!!! :)

MsPuddin said...

had- I can’t either, I thought the guys in the front were onto us…

kay zee- mmm…yummie…welcome btw

sabina- no you don’t, sometimes I don’t even want to go out with them lol these b*tches make me feel like I’m in Vegas every time…

karrie- you post the pics I’ll write the story…hmmm I feel a collaboration coming on…

des- well hello there! It was drunk thinking and I still thought we were going to jail lol

still_p- lmao! Good point. We re bartenders, Monday is our Friday!

deutlich- get with your new bikini wax lol…grab a buddy and have tee many mar-toonis!

pan- wait, church roofs? Man I don’t know if I could have caught up with you on that one…

lady c- yeah your girl kiki told me at genda about the sitter, damn that sucks…at least you got some qt time with the babes…

thanks!! ;p

Demon Hunter said...

LOL. That is too funny. Why a Buddha head? I enjoy these crazy stories! ;*)

Monie said...

Hahahahahaaa! Your girl is gangsta! Sounds like me and my friends when we get intoxed!

Eb the Celeb said...

lmao... the best thing about being drunk is the stories you have to tell after... this was a good one!

Megan Hamilton said...

Ahahahahhahhhahhah! you gotta tell that one to the grandkids.

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

Ya know... when some of the Staff gets out to Cali this summer, remind me NOT to hang out with you in any situation involving alcohol and Buddha ass buddhas.

Prunella Jones said...

I can't blame your friend, Buddha head's are pretty cute. However you can easily buy them at World Market for under $10. I only swipe expensive stuff.

That Saddity Chic said...

LOL that is too funny

Smitty said...

thats too funny. We need to hang out more if shit like this happens on a regular.

LadyShay said...

LMAO!!!!!! That shit is priceless. We def need a pic of the buddha.

c.watson said...

Wow thats entertaining. What other types of items has she stolen?

I always take the pint glasses, don't know why but it's probably because I'm always breaking the glasses at my place.

Christina said...

wow that was too funny! i wish i had friends like that LOL

dejanae said...

now i know she was deunk and all but....
was it that serious?
lol
let the damn thing be

Afrodite said...

Lmao!!! Oh my god, that made my day. I'm totally getting a mental image. I tell you, that's some drunk folk shit.

Maxie said...

haha! Sometimes I'm a drunk klepto too. I agree with you about not trying to talk friends out of stuff when they're drunk... it can only end poorly.