Friday, April 18, 2008

An Interview with Heidi Montag

Well as some as you might know I have it out for The Hills “star” Heidi Montag.

She fits into that category of people-who-make-you-want-to-stab-yourself-in-the-eye-with-a-fork, repeatedly, as in over and over again. A neverending blinding irritation. I just don’t like her. Something about her makes me want to shoot her in the head.I would never do something like that.I don’t own a gun.I don’t know what it is though.I’ve never met Ms. Montag and I hope I never do. Seems like a conversation with her would be a waste of time. However, (in my mind) for some reason, I interviewed her…

MsP: How’s it goin’ Heidi?


Heidi: Good. Thanks.


MsP: That’s good. I guess. I heard you just recently launched your own clothing line, did you hear about this?


Heidi: Oh yeah! It was my idea.


MsP: Good for you, you had an idea. Fantastic.


Heidi: Yeah, it sucks though because I didn’t get as involved as I would have liked to. I was really busy getting all the fat sucked out of my thighs and running around on the beach in my bikini.


MsP: You have been looking a little slim lately, tell me, when was the last time you ate?


Heidi: A couple of days ago. I think. Wait, um yeah, it was Monday.


MsP: Really, almost a week now. What did you have?


Heidi: A grape.


MsP: Just one grape?


Heidi: Yeah, but then I threw it up after. I was afraid people were going to be able to see the imprint in my stomach lining.


MsP: Oh, I see. So what made you decide to get into music? I don’t know if anyone told you, but, um, well how do I put this lightly? You have NO talent.


Heidi: Really? I thought I was good. Huh. Well anyway, my fiancé told me that my boobs make me look smarter and I was a good singer. I took his word for it. I mean I need something to fall back on after The Hills.


MsP: What about getting an education? Have you thought about that?


Heidi: It’s crucial that I focus on the show, my music, my clothing line, getting plastic surgery, fighting pointless fights with people just as pointless as me, bleaching my hair, staging my relationship, before I worry about those things.


MsP: Oh well you got to do what you got to do. Although, you do look smarter maybe it’s your new boobs and nose, hmmm. Real quick, what’s one plus one?


Heidi: *thinking *


MsP: Nevermind. Well I think I’ve had about as much as I can take. Thanks for joining me on my blog today.


Heidi: Two!


MsP: And we're done...


34 comments:

oestrebunny said...

What a role model! I want to be *just* like her!

Except I wouldn't really.

Eb the Celeb said...

OK... I am officially getting old because I have no idea who this person is.

Jocular Schlemiel said...

I have no idea either, but she has a nice toukas.

12kyle said...

Neva heard of her. But you are tooooo funny!!! A grape! LMAO

The Doggy Did It said...

I have no idea who she is, or why all the sudden I keep seeing her ugly mug all over the internet...I just do not get the whole, "I am famous for being famous" thing...

But, I am with you on removing my eyeballs with a blunt instrument...or a flaming hot poker.

Whatev.

Krissyface said...

I have never watched The Hills but I know enough about Heidi and Spencer to know that they are total fucking vapid retards. I love the interview-in-the-head approach. Sigh. I have a feeling a real interview with that doofus might sound exactly the same.

Zoë said...

there's an ever growing list of shows i refuse to watch (the hills, for example)

they poisen the soul, its true

*B* Fab said...

LOL @ this "interview"!! It's great! I can't stand Heidi but I can't NOT watch the Hills! It's such a guilty pleasure! But this season is the absolute worst and oh so fake!

Slausin-Ass Slaus said...

refuse to lose the remaining brain cells I have by watching Reality TV. Especially the Hills.

OK i do like the pic of her lil flat azz up in the air though.

id hit it.. no I wouldnt.

wait.. I would.. nawl I wouldnt... well.... if nothing else was on tv, and I didnt wanna play exbox n shyt... then id hit it. But i wouldnt tell anyone.

Demon Hunter said...

I never watched the Hills. 90210 ruined me from watching anything similar...lol.

She's just another anorexic, stick figure, with no soul...

Muze said...

ha. you are silly.

she looks sick. wow.

and... i have a confession. i LOVE the hills.


terrible, i know.

Still_Pocahontaz said...

HEE LARIOUS...I never watch that show but I can imagine that girl is dumb as a doorknob

Lady~Daydreamer said...

Puddin....I feel you 100%....Can't.stand.her....the interview...hilarious!

Hex said...

You should have asked her why she feels US Americans need maps to help the Iraq. Such as.

G-Sweet said...

Hahahahhaah @ shooting her in the head... u crack me up...

Andrew Venegas said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Folk said...

Who the hell is Heidi Montag?

G-Sweet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hadassah said...

LOL @ people who do not know Heidi piece of advice you would not want to know her!

I swear if Audrina is friends with that chick again I will personally stab her in the eye. Heidi's clothing line is ridiculous y is photocopying what LC is doin besides the boob jobs and lip watever it is...

Des said...

Hello again, MsP!

That's hilarious. Though, I believe you give her too much credit. I think she only ate half the grape on Monday.

i.can't.complain. said...

k. im mad that u did an in depth interview in your head.

regis and kelly can't even do one this good in person.

*starting a petition 2 get u your own talk show*

-1-

Skinny Girl said...

She is a bit of a scraggy pussy no?

You crack me up Ms Pud.
S X

Mister Underhill said...

I love how she's so annorexic tha her swimsuit has fallen in some twisted reverse camel toe.

c.watson said...

I don't know what you are talking about, that Heidi chick has real staying power. She is the Ginger Rodgers of our era.

Bella said...

I can think of a few others out there just like her...

=) Bella

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

hahahahaha omg, you're great for doing this. Though I happen to loathe heidi...just a bit. lol.

LosingIt said...

Dear Puddin,
I love you for this. Thanks for making my morning. I too live for Heidi, especially when I'm drunk and can throw Cheetos at the TV while shrieking obscenities at her.
Heart and Star,
LosingIt

Miss Mika said...

If I had to invision a "real" interview with this dipstick, you totally nailed it!

I gotta admit though, 'The Hills' and I have a love/hate relationship.

Pronto said...

I ate a grape once.

I don't know anything about that whole imprint in the stomach lining thing,

But I do know it was just as much fun departing as it was entering my body.

Yecccchhhh.

I think.

Diva said...

Sorry I don't know who chica is!!!!
~diva

karrie b. said...

you two need to just scrap it out and get it over with. i got 20 on you.

-KB

Opinionated Diva said...

lol TOO FUNNY!!!!

Stew said...

ur a damn fool. lol

She W0rd Hustlez said...

LMAO!!! I was just catching up on your old blog and had to read this one. I HATE THE HILLS with a passion, so I knew this interview would be funny!