Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Talented Ms. P

I am very talented. And I would like to take this as an opportune time to share my dexterity.

I’m not talking about the skills I have when I sing and dance in my underwear in front of my mirror. Nor am I talking about my ability to drink Colin Farrell under the table. No, I have many other hidden talents I have mastered as well…

Over the last few days I have successfully walked into a parking meter, a table, a couple of sidewalk cracks and a parked car.

The parking meter, (which took off a huge chunk of my skin) left me looking like Michael Jackson circa 2000. The thing that gets me is this performance was done while walking sober. No alcohol was in my system. I really was not paying attention. Smart.

The bruise on my upper right thigh, (about the size of Southeast Asia), is a result of trying to dance sexy and smashing into a table after a full day of BBQ hopping. (I think I drank more beer at the BBQs then I actually ate anything).

I also managed to ruin a perfectly good pair of flip-flops over the weekend. I don’t know if anyone can relate, but not once but twice, I caught the bottom front of my sandal underneath a crack. It totally threw off my equilibrium and my big toe still hurts.

Now walking into a parked car is a sensitive subject. I really only brought it up for the sake of my blog. Only the talented Ms. P could pull off a move so brilliant. My nose looks like Marcia Brady when she got hit with that football in "The Brady Bunch Movie."

I think that about sums it up for moves I would least-likely-to-want-to-brag about. However, the more immobile objects I walked into the less sober I was. So that is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

The thing that gets me the most about all of these talented tricks (I didn’t know I had up my sleeve) is that my birth name means 'graceful'. Go figure, because my ass is the biggest drunk klutz since Paris Hilton showed her treasure chest to all of Tinsel Town…

3 comments:

onthevirg said...

I can totally empathize with your klutziness. I'm constantly bumping/walking into shit, dropping things, etc. It drives my g/f crazy and for some reason thinks that I can stop doing this. I keep trying to tell her the very definition of klutz means that I'm doomed and can't help it. Stupid equilibrium.

DIAMONDKT said...

Hey, at least you are living life and you have the scars to prove it. ;)

This may be a little deep, but somewhat related to your post...

http://diamondkt.blogspot.com/2006/06/scarred-scar-lets-you-know-past-was.html

MsPuddin said...

ONV- I always blame it on the equilibrium too! Are you sure we weren't separted at birth?

diamond-yes definitely living. I can literally feel it...