Was Today Really Necessary?

"Due to the lack of interest, today was cancelled."


For some reason I was reminiscing a little of moments from my life, when someones opinion has helped not so much. I remember an ex boyfriend once told me my heart was shriveled like a California Raisin.

Thanks. That meant so much. Seriously, from the bottom of my cold, black, desiccated, singing heart, I thank you. I also once had a math teacher in high school, who told me my smile would only get me so far. Um, ok? Thank you, for that random psych session. I’m sixteen, misguided, bad with numbers and you’re telling me not to smile through all this pain.

Some people just suck. Why can’t all the sucky people, get sucked into outer space, by a big sucking machine and together they can just suck in their own suckdom?

If it's not obvious enough, I'm in a bad mood. If my funky mood had a flavor, it would taste like rotten milk.

Warning: anyone who plans on voicing their opinion to me today will get verbally attacked. I’m serious. I don't want to hear it. Back off.

I think it was yesterday that got the “oh f*ck me, no f*ck you” ball rolling.

Last night I polished off ½ a pizza, a jumbo box of Mike N Ikes and three glasses of root beer. I woke up this morning with heartburn, my period and a pain in my stomach.

“Oh,” said you, “her period, that explains a lot.”

You know what? This is not just PMS. This is a classic case of “when bad things happen to good people.”

For example...

I made the brilliant move over the weekend to go swimming with a weave. If anyone anywhere is ever wondering why black women refuse to get their hair wet when swimming, this is an understatement to say the least...

I look like a a potential love child of a Sasquatch and Diana Ross. So please stop telling or asking me about my hair. I know.

I would also like to add, (this is very unfortunate) the Blockbuster that is walking distance from my house, (even though I never actually got around to walking there) has relocated. Damn it. I guess the option of rolling out of bed in the morning and going to BB in all my sludge is out.

Since today sucks so much, I’ve made a list of today's top five most suckiest things(please, feel free to add to it):

1. your cat
2. speed bumps
3. the damn office phone that keeps ringing, even though it's my job to answer it

4. my nose, because it won't stop running

5. people who keep calling me to see what is going on this weekend. It's Tuesday, chill the f*ck out...