Monday, September 17, 2007

Homie's Breath Was Kickin'

This weekend I worked three eight-hour shifts at my serving job, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Boo! How is a girl supposed to go to bars, pick up strange men and get laid when she is always at work making money and being responsible?

A few guys came into my job and hit on me. Trust me I’m not bragging. There was no potential whatsoever. Not even a sugar daddy or a boy toy. Nothing.

There was one guy on Friday night, who looked like he was straight out of the movie, “Carlito’s Way” or “Blood In Blood Out”. He was as drunk as an alcoholic after an AA meeting. When he talked to me I prayed no one lit up a cigarette, because the fumes of Hennessy on his breath would have set the place on fire.

I politely turned down his offer to go over to his house after work, where him and some of the “homies”, were going to get a few bottles and continue their partaying.

“I’m not drinking tonight,” I said.

“Oh, well you don’t have to drink,” he said. “Just come and bring some of your friends who do want to drink.”

“No thanks,” I said.

By the end of the night I was ready to go home and go to bed. I was tired of dealing with drunk people. Drunk people who kept opening tabs with the bartender and then asking me to fetch their drinks. Either you sit your drunk ass at the bar or you sit in my section. You can’t do both. I don’t care what the name is on your card. A tab is a tab.

Anyway, I’m on my way out the door when I see out of the corner of my eye drunk homeboy and his homies also on their way out. I was going to get a security guard to walk me to my car, but I wasn’t parked in the “employee parking”. I figured if I walked quickly the homies wouldn’t catch up with me.

I’m halfway across the parking lot when I look over my shoulder and see three guys come stumbling out of my job. “Oh sh*t” I think to myself and I started to add some more pep in my step. However, they are covering tracks. These guys are making a scene behind me, trying to get my attention, when all of a sudden all I can hear is “BLEH! BLEH! BLEH!”


Not just runny liquor barf, but a chunky soup barf. Sorry for that visual, but homeboy was doing some serious dry heaving. It's quite possible he lost his liver. I don’t know why but him throwing up scared the sh*t out me. I could imagine him trying to get my number and throwing up on me.


So I started speed walking (running) to my car. In the background I could hear his homies cracking up with laughter. I got to my car and I heard it again, “BLEH! BLEH! BLEH!" Omg, by now I think I’m going to be sick. His friends are rolling with laughter and in the midst of wiping his face with his white T, this fool starts calling after me again.

Seriously? Ugh. See what I meant when I said I wasn't bragging? Throwing up is just as attractive to me as Condoleezza Rice is to guys. I hopped into my car and peeled out of the parking lot like a high school kid going for a joy ride.

Going home and going to bed on a Friday night never felt so good.

13 comments:

Don said...

Good writing MsP. You are wrong for that visual though. And what do you know about Carlito's Way...that is one of my favorite movies. Ever. I see you are doing your thang, and that's good, but what's up with complete strangers asking you to come over after you get off work and drink? It's not like that, is it? I aint gon' lie...sometimes we, men, are some simple mofo's.

anonymousnupe said...

Yeah, clearly the proper, gentlemanly course of action would have been to ask her to drink first...and then come over, right Don?!

MsP., when you serve is it with tray balanced high upon your extended photog arm, with svelte pits on display for all to marvel at? We need pics of you in action! No, not that kinda action. You so nasty!

country roads said...

whew, if that's not classy, I don't know what is.

Ms. Behaving said...

LOL!!!

Of course, I'm with Don in that I could have done without that visual. ;-)

Throwing up your insides while tryn'a holla. Yeah Boo...ummm...that's DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD LOOK!!!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

OMG that title KILLS me!

MsPuddin said...

don- Thanks, hey if I had to see that nasty sh*t, so does everyone else…lol

anonymousnupe- lol no, but we were watching the Raider’s game yesterday at work. And when they made that goal (before it got immediately disqualified) the arm went up…

country roads- I don’t like pretty boys, but that was just plain disgusting…

ms. behaving- I’m mad he was so persistent, I usually like that but not in this situation.

nycponderings chick- yeah it was a toss up between that and Your Breath is Kickin’ homie.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

OH MY GOODNESSS!!!!! That is so nasty and funny at the same time!! LOL

Bella said...

I think I'm gonna be sick...

Kitty said...

always get security to take you to your car. always.

G-Sweet said...

Lol @ the bowl of soup to describe the incident @ hand... hahaha!

I mean cmom FBP... he might have the 1... u know what u gotta lower ur damn standards... gees...

Hahahahaha... j/k!...

UBERMOUTH said...

Well,atleast if he got hungry later on he would be well fed,.

natural muze said...

now this is just nasty.

BottleBlonde said...

Good golly, miss molly. That dude was nastay. Looks like you and I attract the same caliber of men.