Saturday, September 29, 2007

Dork Moment

Last night the sexiest man came into my job. I’m talking tall, dark and I-wanted-to-f*ck-the-sh*t-out-of-him, handsome. Homeboy was fo-ine!

Once I noticed him I spent the next 45 minutes stalk watching him. I imagined him coming over to me to tell me how beautiful I was. Then asking me for my phone number, so he could take me out to dinner and buy me flowers. When everything worked out we would eventually get married and make babies. (Yes, I said babies. That's how hot he was).

As my little fantasy bubble floated over my head, I noticed him walking towards me.

“Oh sh*t!” I thought. He is coming over here to tell me how hot I am! I quickly whipped out my berry flavored Victoria Secret’s lip-gloss and smeared it over my lips. The whole building shifted into slow motion as sexy man strutted over to me. I’m not kidding when I say sexy man even had his own theme music. I don’t know what it was, but it was something cool and sexy.

As his stride brought him closer, I started going over in my head how I would react when he told me he’d been watching me all night and it was love at first sight. I stood up a little straighter and flashed him my award winning smile. This was it...

Sexy man strutted right up to me and asked, “um excuse me, where’s the bathroom?”

“Oh, it’s ah, um, it’s (stutter, stutter, stutter) it’s over there,” I said and pointed to the back of the building.

“Thanks,” he said, walking off, leaving me with my glossy mouth hanging open.

I walked around the rest of the night with a big "L" stamped on my forehead. Man, I got to get up on my A-game...

30 comments:

Opinionated Diva said...

LOL! Girl you should have SHOWED him where the bathroom was at and gave him something to look at as you sashayed in front of him! Dropped something than slowwwwwwwwly picked it up!

lmao@your excitement of seeing hot guy at work. I would do the same because its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO rare. Actually the more I think about it...in the seven years I've been with this bank...it's NEVER happened.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

i never see people at my work but my co-workers. being an account you don't get to see the outside world. what a sad life i live.

phishez_rule said...

Mr Sexy probably gets that all the time. Not the 'prepared to have his kids at the sight of him' thing. I mean the 'having to go to the bathroom' thing. He's got a dodgy prostate.

Cunning Linguist said...

Next time it happens, just play it cool. If he's that good looking he usually gets that treatment. Just point and give him the 'ol "I barely have time to talk to you, but yeah yeah... there it is..buh-bye now" treatment. He'll probably walk off feeling dejected but I assure you, he WILL come back for more.

So@24 said...
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So@24 said...

You handled it a lot better than I would have done if some Venus de Milo came strolling into my work.

I probably would shriek like a cheerleader and run out the nearest exit.

Ms. Behaving said...

I'mma go on ahead and agree with cunning linguist on this one.

What else can I say besides THAT response sounds about right to me :-)

LMAO tho' @ opinionated diva's comment!!

BottleBlonde said...

If he didn't hump your leg right then and there, then he's gay. Sorry to be the first to break it to you, but he likes man meat. And I'm not talkin' shishkobobs.

G-Sweet said...

Wait I'm confused...

Uhhhhhh... I don't remember coming to ur job the other day... haaaahahahaha!

Steph said...

see you should have offered to personally take him there, and then shagged him senseless as soon as he whipped his dick out.

Just a thought.

MsPuddin said...

opinionated diva- really? Seven years? That’s a damn shame. My coworker suggested that I follow him too. That’s not my style, I’m not a stalker like that…

diarrhea of the mouth- no potential love connections w co-workers?

phishez_rule- I know. He saw me and I just made him have to pee, or sh*t. One or the other…

cunning linguist- yeah I’m only cool like that when I’m drunk…

cd-?

so@24- that sounds hot. Does that work for you?

ms. behaving- you ladies seem to have the game down.

bottleblonde- yeah I’m used to nice good leg hump and when I didn’t get it I was just confused. So this wasn’t a case of “he’s not that into you,” homie was a fruitcake? I refuse to believe this, did I mention he was fo-ine?

G- shut up before I pop yo head!

steph- man I couldn’t even get enough words out to tell him where to br was, ya think would have thought of that? But thanks Steph, I think you just spiced up my fantasy bubble…

Don said...

MsP, damn, are you thinking about cheating on me? LOL.

So is this how women think when their nature rise?

STILL_POCAHONTAZ said...

Girl the theme music was probably Marvin Gaye's "Lets get it on" I agree with O Diva, you should have switched that azz in front of him and leaded him to the bathroom so he could see what he could of had...LOL

Don said...

lol @ "sashayed in front of him! Dropped something than slowwwwwwwwly picked it up!"

MsPuddin said...

don- I thought about it, but not so good at the actually doing it part. Obviously. And are you laughing @ the sloooowwww move because it works?

still_pocahontaz- the music reminded me of Chappelle show, when Dave puts everything in slow motion…lol

anonymousnupe said...

Dang, my whole image of you, Puddin', being so in control, calm, cool, collected, suave and debone-her, just went out the window. But I do applaud your transparency, your willingness to share your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and failures with us. That takes guts. Now you know how we feel when that certain goddess walks into the room. We know every guy in the room is thinking the same thing, so we’re wondering, ”What is it that I can do or say to set myself apart—aside from my good looks—to make her want ME over these other 47 doofuses?!”

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

are you kidding me? i work with mostly women and the few men that do work here are married or ugly. oh hell no. plus i have a rule about dating people at work. i don't do it.

Don said...
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Don said...

MsP, it definitely works. It's one of life's unspoken yet understood rules. I don't know what's the deal with ol' boy, but whenever a man cannot take his eyes away from a woman, and she notices this, then comes with the "icing on the cake" move... oh, I don't care who the man is, IT'S OVER!

On another note, forgive me for stealing all your blog material. It's nothing but luv.

Ebonne said...

hahahaha... that is hilarious... I read something recently that said men like 70% of men like women who approach them so maybe you should have said something to him...

Opinionated Diva said...

Definitely works MsP! lol

MsPuddin said...

anonymousnupe- oh don’t get it twisted, I still am that amazing goddess! And you know what your problem is anon, you re putting the pussi on a pedestal…I know it’s cliché, but just be yourself…

diarrhea of the mouth- (thanks to you I have officially learned how to spell the word DIARRHEA). Yeah that is always a bad idea. I have a few crushes on the people at my serving job, the bartenders, but I don’t think we are ALLOWED to date. Boo!

don- it’s cool. I’m gonna go check it out and see what all the fuss is about…

ebonne- hmmm, the only time that has been successful for me is drunk in a bar…

od- you sound like a veteran! I will try it one of these days…

Mister Underhill said...

Yes, you should definitely have offered to hold it for him as he peed.

If I ask a girl where the bathroom is and she doesn't offer to hold it for me and wipe it afterwards, then I assume she is a lesbian.

Muze said...

lol....i hate when that happens. wasting my very sexy lipgloss for nothing! lol.

MsPuddin said...

mister underhill- I’d rather eat box than help a man pee…

muze- I know right! Who could pass up VS’s berry flavored lip gloss…?

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