Dork Moment

Last night the sexiest man came into my job. I’m talking tall, dark and I-wanted-to-f*ck-the-sh*t-out-of-him, handsome. Homeboy was fo-ine!

Once I noticed him I spent the next 45 minutes stalk watching him. I imagined him coming over to me to tell me how beautiful I was. Then asking me for my phone number, so he could take me out to dinner and buy me flowers. When everything worked out we would eventually get married and make babies. (Yes, I said babies. That's how hot he was).

As my little fantasy bubble floated over my head, I noticed him walking towards me.

“Oh sh*t!” I thought. He is coming over here to tell me how hot I am! I quickly whipped out my berry flavored Victoria Secret’s lip-gloss and smeared it over my lips. The whole building shifted into slow motion as sexy man strutted over to me. I’m not kidding when I say sexy man even had his own theme music. I don’t know what it was, but it was something cool and sexy.

As his stride brought him closer, I started going over in my head how I would react when he told me he’d been watching me all night and it was love at first sight. I stood up a little straighter and flashed him my award winning smile. This was it...

Sexy man strutted right up to me and asked, “um excuse me, where’s the bathroom?”

“Oh, it’s ah, um, it’s (stutter, stutter, stutter) it’s over there,” I said and pointed to the back of the building.

“Thanks,” he said, walking off, leaving me with my glossy mouth hanging open.

I walked around the rest of the night with a big "L" stamped on my forehead. Man, I got to get up on my A-game...