Dear mom and dad,
If you continue to read this blog we are going to have a problem.
I can’t write and get things off my chest when you two are constantly reading over my shoulder. I will lose readers and inspiration if I can’t write about the things I want to write about in fear of you disowning me or having me committed.
Like for example, I can’t write about the time I got drunk, woke up in the park three days later, in a puddle of my own vomit and couldn’t find my underwear. (For the record I did eventually find them, them being my underwear, I just had to make a few phone calls first).
If you continue to read this blog, I will have to think twice before admitting that I’ve turned to selling drugs ever since you two stopped paying for things. I mean I probably shouldn’t be telling you two about this, but I have to admit being a drug dealer actually wasn’t that bad. Everything was great, until I tried some of my stash and got a slight addiction problem and smoked up my entire supply.
So since I couldn’t afford to pay back my dealer, I decided to start hooking for money. Hooking is awesome, by the way, because I like having sex with strangers and the “no strings attached” factor is also a plus. I’ve only caught a couple STDs, but it’s actually worth it because I have enough cash now to support my drug habit. In fact I liked hooking so much, I went ahead and let the local college football team run a train on me and take pictures, you can find them at mspuddinsohorny.com.
So now you can see why it is very important that you two stop reading my blog. I know I’m cool and we go back like four flats on a Cadillac, but I just think for everyone’s sanity it would be best to slow down on the Puddin’ entertainment. There are more exciting things you two can do on a Saturday night. Like have sex! (Yes, I figured out where babies come from).
I guess this letter is more of a disclaimer than anything. This blog is rated NP for No Parents! Parents with daughters should never, ever read their daughters blog, unless they are under the influence of alcohol or highly medicated.
Thank you for having me and call me if you need any erectile stimulants. I got the hook up.
Your one and only daughter,
Ms Fresh Banana Puddin’
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Dear mom and dad,