Thursday, October 25, 2007

Meet the Puddin' Folk

I got a request from UBERMOUTH, who will be leaving the blog world, to write more about my mother. So as a tribute to her, I thought why not write about where I get my good looks, charm and all around awesomeness? (I’m so humble, I know). I love making fun of mom and dad. Although I see less and less of them these days, they are still very much a part of my life…

My mom is great. I have a very Jewish mother, who every year sends me my birthday cake in the mail, with candles. Surprisingly enough, she would be the first person I would call to bail me out of jail. Not only because I know she would do it, but she would probably show up with a fresh pair of underwear and something to eat.

Growing up I think she had everything anyone could think of in her purse. Brush? Check. Spoon? Check. Toothbrush? Check. A midget? Check.

She is my inspiration.

Now my dad is the most laid back and easygoing guy anyone will ever meet. However, he is not afraid to play “dad” when it comes to the boyfriend department. I remember one time in high school, bringing a boyfriend home for dinner. My dad looked the kid straight in the eye and said, “how about we go outside with a baseball bat and play a game of you lose?” He was kidding of course, but that is one example of the kind of comedic sense I grew up with.

We all (I grew up with my two younger brothers) loved cracking jokes at my mother’s expense. I don’t know why, maybe because she is such an easy target. I remember when she lost a majority of her hearing while we were growing up. I think she basically had what I would call “selective hearing,” because sometimes I think she just tuned us out. But most of the time she couldn’t hear because of her disability.

My siblings and I would drive her crazy by mouthing words without sound and she would become frantic trying to figure out what we were saying. Then other times we would just yell things at her like, “Mom I’m going to the store!” Which she would either interpret as, “Mom, I’m a dirty whore!” or she would tell us to stop yelling at her.

My dad was the person my brothers and I would go to if we wanted our way. A night home with dad without mom meant unlimited hot dogs and macaroni and cheese! Score! A little batting of the eyelashes, followed by a very sweet, “daddy, please can I?” was usually followed by a solid, “yes”.

However, my mother had a habit of saying, “NO!” before the words were even out of our mouth. NO! soda. NO! chips. NO! sugar. Since my dad was diabetic, the whole family was diabetic. My mom put fructose in everything. And tofu. I grew up eating sweetened tofu. It’s no wonder I got to college and gained 40 pounds. My body went into shock. McDonalds? What? This stuff exists?

So anyway, I got carried away talking about the folks. UBERMOUTH you will be missed!


ambboogie said...

wow, a birthday cake with candles? That's love!

Ms. Behaving said...

LOL @ "my mother had a habit of saying, “NO!” before the words were even out of our mouth. NO! soda. NO! chips. NO! sugar".

*************************************************** children seem to think I have that problem too.

[Hmmm I wonder where they got that idea?!?!?!.]


Great post Ms. P! Your fam sounds like real cool people.

MsPuddin said...

ambboogie- yup. every year. I thought it was weird, but I guess you re right.

ms. behaving- I thought you would like it, being a mother and all. Thanks.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sounds like your mom was a real bitch. How the hell did you survive all those years without killing her?

BottleBlonde said...

You go and tell us you have a Jewish mother and you mention nothing of gifelte fish or matzo?! You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for having your Jewishness questioned by a dirty, little shikza like me! ;-)


too too funny....."the dirty whore" part.


Great post!Loved the 'dad was diabetic' so you all were!
I may be resurrected if I can find my funny again.but very sweet of you to say I shall be missed.

And I just thought everyone esaw me as a cynical loudmouth.

Maybe, I will just run around and tell everyone what to blog about :)

Steph said...

You have a nice family and they seem relatively happened to you? lolzz. :P

country roads said...

For the first 12 years of my life or so, every Tuesday's meal consisted of hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, and cold pork and beans. It was dad's day off. I couldn't wait to start cooking for the two of us. Of course, that's still one of my favourite meals.

Mr R Rabbit said...

Your parents sound familiar, at least your mother's selective hearing and your father's sense of humour.

anonymousnupe said...

Thanks for allowing us to schlep down memory lane with you as you described the whole mishpokhe for us.

Bella said...

Cool post about your parents. I hope one day my boys will grow up and have fond memories of me as a Mom. I can only hope (the teen year aren't here yet though!).

:) Bella

Don said...

Since my dad was diabetic, the whole family was diabetic.


That aint nothing but love.

OneHungMan said...

Sounds like great parents.

Betty Boob Hug said...

My Mum didn't want chunky children with a weight problem so she cut everything in half and made me share with my brother. Even a chocolate biscuit! I wasnt' alloewed to have a full can of soft drink to myself either,..yep, had to be shared.

The first thing I did when I was old enough was to buy my very own chocolate and eat the whole thing. I never make my kids share either.
We are always trying to do the opposite to what our parent's did, but now I can see the merits in teaching your children restraint!!

Your parents' sound lovely and warm and familiar.

Prunella Jones said...

My mom went on a nutrition kick for awhile when I was a kid and I remember her putting wheat germ in everything we ate, including my birthday cake. It was mortifying. I still hate the taste of wheat germ.

Funny post!

MsPuddin said...

dyck!!- well it’s a good thing I didn’t kill her, because now I have someone to kick your ass for callin’ my mother a bitch!

bottleblonde- ha ha I was never any good with Hebrew. But my grandma used to make me eat that stuff…matza ball soup is the bomb!

still_pocahontaz- yeah and as long as I don’t spend my whore money on drugs, then its all good…

uber- your welcome, I enjoyed your cynical cries of woe…when I have “writers block” I know now who to call!

steph- I still think I was adopted, but there are actually pictures of me coming out of my mother’s vagina, so that possibility is out…

cr- that’s wassup, same here. But as I got older, both parents got better in the gourmet department. My dad even moved up to spaghetti!

mr R- ahhh childhood memories of the parents, so deaf, so strange, so, “is this thing on?”

anon- your back! Sure no problem…

bella- oh they will, you sound delightful as a mother…but be sure you can take a beating, I was always giving my mother a hard time and making fun of her, simply because I love her…

don- I’m telling you. I didn’t know what real sugar tasted like until college!

onehungman- Welcome! I guess I can’t complain.

betty boob- ha ha! Exactly! It’s ironic because by the time I moved out more and more junk food started coming into the house. And my brother, who is 7 yrs younger than me, got really chunky fast! My mom had to put him on a diet!

Glad to hear you’ve had a similar experience. Good parenting is awesome!

prunella jones- Welcome! Omigod! I remember the wheat germ days! Ugh! My mom did the same thing, but I didn’t even get a cake, I got cup cakes, with homemade frosting. Yum, yum, yum!