Wednesday, September 5, 2007

If I only had a brain...

I could really use all those brain cells I killed back in high school right about now. Who knew smoking so much weed would have such a long-term effect. I mean it is one thing to be absentminded and do something stupid once, maybe even twice, but the third time is not a charm in my case. The things I do should be videotaped. I could be making a lot of serious money through some television network off of Puddin’ bloopers...

So last spring I went out to lunch at BJ’s with a friend of mine and we spent about two hours hanging out. On our way out the door as I’m digging through my purse I realized I didn't have my keys. I don’t remember leaving them in the restaurant, so I already knew that meant one thing, “aw sh*t I think I locked my keys in the car,” I said. We get to my car and sure enough the keys are in my car. However, not only had I locked my keys in the car, but they were still in the ignition and the car was still running. For two hours my car was in the parking lot pumping away. Nice. We ended up having to call a tow truck to come and break into my car.

Ok not so bad. Stupid move ha ha laugh about it and move on, right? Wrong. Not even a month later I do the EXACT same thing. I’m on my way to drop off some paperwork on campus and lock my keys in my car, in the ignition. I called my roommate who happened to be home to come and bring me the spare key.

Which brings me up to yesterday, when (yup) once again I locked my keys in the car, in the ignition. I was so busy text messaging after I pulled into the garage, I thought they were in my hand when I got out the car. The f*cked up part is I popped the trunk and then shut my door. WTF?! I’m so brilliant I figured I could break into my house and get the spare car key. Wrong again. The only door I thought I might be able to break into was the sliding glass door on the balcony.

I climbed up on the balcony, but then my dumbass got stuck up there, because a) I couldn't get inside my house and b) I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I got up there to get back down. (Good to know I can't break into my house). I ended up calling my friend who talked me down and took me to my roommate’s job to get the house key.

Of course, the house key is the ONLY key I grabbed and by the time I got back to the house someone has shut the door to the garage! My car is still running and I can’t get in there to turn it off. A good thirty minutes later my neighbor answers her door (she hates us) and lets me into the garage.

The funniest thing to me about that whole situation was, I called my mom to tell her what happened and the first thing she asked me was, “are you pregnant?”

“No,” I said. Is that something that pregnant people (women) do? Lock their keys in the car and then try and break into their own house? I don’t know. *shrug*

What I do know is that I really need a car with an alarm on it, to protect myself from being such an idiot.

18 comments:

anonymousnupe said...

They still make cars that allow you to lock the door from the outside without having the keys right there in your hand?

Anonymous said...

You should buy a Volkswagen. I used to have one and the only way you could lock the driver's door was with the key. Not sure if they are still that way - but given your current situation it's probably worth checking on . . .

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

How do you miss the DING
DING
DING
DING
DING, when you leave your keys in the ignition? Every car makes a really annoying loud DING until you remove the key.

MsPuddin said...

anonymousnupe- yup. And I drive it.

anon- thank you I will look into that…

diarrhea of the mouth- um yeah, the light in my car doesn’t even go on when I open the door, let alone that ding, ding, ding. Sometimes the seatbelt even gets stuck and I have to crawl out all awkward. It does make a noise when I leave my lights on, but so far I’ve only done these things during the day…

c j. said...

you should just walk. it works for me every single time. however, if i am to become pregnant, i don't know how i'll be able to tell.

onthevirg said...

Wow...that's like the trifecta of absent-mindedness right there. I'm hoping you don't have a really nice ride or sooner or later you're going to come back and not have to worry about calling AAA.

You went all Spider-Man to get up on your balcony and then couldn't manage to get back down? That's comedy gold right there.

Cunning Linguist said...

you scare and titilate me both at the same time.

get a hide-a-key and stick it under the bumper like a sane person already, would ya? Sheesh.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

my car makes so much noise it is annoying. it dings when i leave the keys in, it beeps when i don't wear my seatbelt. it double beeps when i'm low on gas and i swear it it laughs at me when i forget to take the parking breaks off.

MsPuddin said...

cj.- you know I prefer to walk, but everything in my city is so spread out. I’m contemplating a move to NYC…and I could only imagine if I was pregnant

onthevirg- I was James Bond in my former life…but I was fired because of situations like these

cunning linguist- I titillate myself. It’s a wonder I make it through the day. That’s a good idea and cheaper than buying a whole new car

diarrhea of the mouth- I don’t think me and my car share the same sense of humor

williehobbes said...

u need a chauffeur....they sent my uncle to the old folks home cuz of some 'ish like that

country roads said...

I'm thinking a spare key in your purse...tied in there so you can't take it out, only stretch it to the door of the car. Or, wear one on a chain around your neck. Tres chic.

MsPuddin said...

williehobbes- I’m too young to have Alzheimers! This is sad, very sad…

country roads- also some great suggestions, it’s going to be a long day, the day I have to explain to ppl why my car keys is hanging from my neck.

Mortarbored said...

My old car, being the piece of crap that it is, had a different key for the doors and ignition. For some reason, I had had to to take the key for the doors off my key ring. So on a trip to Target, I smoothly got out of the car like always, keys in hand. When I get back to my car with a shopping cart full of shit, I start looking for my key to the door when I see it sitting right there in the coin tray. First I called my free road side service from AmEx, but it was WINTER in CHICAGO, so everyone and their uncle was calling road side assistance. Instead of waiting 4 HOURS, I hid my cart behind my car, went back into target, non-chalantly stole a hanger, came back out and broke into my car. Fun.

thehoustongirl said...

I know the feeling of having locked keys in the car [not in the ignition, but the same thing lol]

and i was gonna say those hideaway thingies you stick on your bumper are good too!

Cristin said...

LMAO! DAMN. That's got me beat by far! And that's hard...

But how did you get out with the joint still on! I mean, like runnin' tho! LOL

MsPuddin said...

motarbored- everything sounds so discrete, we would make a great team…

houston girl- that almost made me feel better, but not really

cristin- I’m still going to blame this on being a pothead in high school, because I have NO IDEA how I did this, THREE TIMES! Wtf!

Don said...

My grandmother always said, "Baby you don't know what you have in a woman until you taste her banana pudding."

Was she wrong?

MsPuddin said...

LOL I 've actually never had fbpuddin', but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say we aren't talkin about the same puddin'...