Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not my used condom, not my problem

My friend called me yesterday to tell me that she had a story for my blog.

“It better be good,” I said. “Because I only put top notch stories on my blog.” Unless someone is getting hollered at by the human projectile sprinkler or locking their keys in the car, in the ignition with the car still running, then it just isn’t up to Puddin’ par. I feel her story passed the Puddin’ taste test, so today I steal her story…

My friend E* (no not the drug) has six male roommates. One of the guys she lives with is this close to me sending his picture to Hot Chicks With Douchebags. His friends have even suggested the only two things in life this guy cares about are pussi and money. Not necessarily in that order. Douche actually has a girlfriend. Well not really. It’s this one girl he hangs out with all the time and they do everything a couple would do together, but I have gotten into plenty of heated debates with him denying her status.

“D* is not my girlfriend,” he will say, until he is blue in the (balls) face.

“Ok, ok she is not your girlfriend,” I reply. “You guys just cook, shop, eat, sex, go on trips, and spend every waking hour together. Makes perfect sense.”

I guess it isn’t entirely his fault either, because his not girlfriend thinks she is going to be the one to "change" his douchebagness. Not going to happen. Men don’t change. The only drastic transition I’ve ever seen in a man was Michael Jackson’s skin color. And I’m not even sure MJ is still a man or if that transition counts.

So back to the story, on Saturday, (when I was at work), they had a party for one of the roommates at a bar (go figure). Douche of course gets drunk and ends up bringing this hot Australian chick home from the bar and has sex with her. The next day at work, he calls my friend E* and asks her for a favor. This douche asks E* to go in his room and get rid of the used condom, because he forgot his not girlfriend is going to stop by.

First of all, if it’s not his girlfriend, what is he so worried about? And second, who asks someone else to deal with their used condom? (My posts are starting to get really gross, aren't they?)

“You didn’t do it, did you?” I asked E*. “Oh sh*t you did.”

“Yeah, I went in there with some chicken tongs,” E* said laughing. “It smelled like a boys locker room in there too.”

*memo* If I ever had to write a list of top ten things I would never do, going into my roommates room to remove the evidence of a used condom would be at the top of the list.

15 comments:

Don said...

Er, MsP...I was trying to eat my lunch here.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the read.

anonymousnupe said...

By far the most critical take-away from this story? Remind me to never eat chicken at yo crib, P.

Just a Girl said...

O.M.G.! can't believe she did it

Sha Boogie said...

Ewww and gross..lol.. I can understand why your friend did it, they might need the douche one day and then he'll be like hell no I aint doing nothing for you! Remember when I asked you to get rid of that used condom?

Ms. Behaving said...

Wow...so she actually did it huh?

Well...I hope she threw away the chicken tongs right along with the condom?!?!?

Ewwwww....ummm that IS NOT a very pleasant visual! LOL

Thanks for stopping by my spot Ms. P :-)

G-Sweet said...

I'm a fuckin' goofball so lemme get the list of laughs out the way 1st:

Laff #1... he's referred to as douchbag... lmao

Laff #2... "you didn't do it, did u?, oh shit u did!"... hahahaha... that's sick!"... lololol

Laff #3... anonymousnupe- "remind me to never eat chicken @ yo house"... hahahahaha... I feel u on that 1!

I don't know what's worse the fact that he asked.. or the fact that she did it... but I DO know he owes her BIG TIME... even in all the disgustingness this story made my afternoon... human beings are hilarious!

UBERMOUTH said...

I would never be an accomplice to helping someone cover up cheating. You are right, he is scum. Does she know that he denies her status while expecting her friendship?

natural muze said...

ugh. that is just, ugh. i mean, really ugh. lol. but kinda hilarious nevertheless.

i love how you call her his not girlfriend. lol.

and i'm with nupe...no chicken at your friend's house. ugh. lol.

MsPuddin said...

don- you always seem to be eating when you re reading posts. Warning: MsP's posts may cause loss of appetite.

anonymousnupe- you raise a good point, which reminds me never to eat chicken at THEIR house lol

just a girl- oh she so did

sha boogie- that sure is one big I. O. U.

ms. behaving- Your welcome, I like your name btw…and I don’t know what the result was, we kind of ended the conversation when she admitted to actually doing it.

G- that’s some sh*t you would ask me n Chege to do lmfao

ubermouth- you sound just as pissed off as I am disgusted! I don’t know, but for some reason I don’t think that it would stop her from trying to be with him…

natural muze- I don’t know what else to call her. His “kinda” girlfriend? lol

country roads said...

I'd make him chicken with those tongs and then tell him afterward.

and he must have serious cash to have sex in a room that smells like a lockerroom. That or I'm going about things the wrong way.

Don said...

MsP, usually I am skimming thru blogs while on lunch or 3pm. Thanks for the warning although I know whats up now.

Mortarbored said...

That's dedication to a fault.

She should have left the condom on his toothbrush or something.

G-Sweet said...

Ms. FBP... NO!... I would rather save my self the curse words from u too (lol)... besides I don't sleep around so I wouldn't have 2 worry bout that... plus in my case yall would prolly snitch on me... ahhahahaha!

But I steer clear of being a douchebag!

So@24 said...

no way dude. no way.

a test of true friendship, i suppose.

MsPuddin said...

country roads- that’s a really good idea. Should I marinate it in something first?

don- Yeah I just saw what happened on one of just a girl’s poles

mortarbored- I would have. I guess that’s what happened when you live with boys, you start thinking like them…

G- Naw I would stay my ass out of it. That would be straight drama!! Lol

so@24- and I think she passed…