Thursday, September 13, 2007

Men: Can’t live with them. Can’t leave them bruised and beaten under an overpass…

I used to have a male hairdresser. (I guess that’s what the title would be for a man who did my hair)? He was an attractive, middle-aged, straight, man who was exceptional with his hands. Literally, this man could wash and whip up my hair something fierce. I used to lye back in his chair letting his strong arms and hands stroke and caress my scalp. I went to him once a month for about a year and received a wash, a head massage, a cut and some good conversation.

Then one day he called me and started to describe some sexual fantasies he’d been having about me. (Yes, more than one). Something about me naked, in his bed, with some heels on and him giving me oral pleasure. Normally, this type of flattery would have been awesome. Especially since I haven’t gotten laid since the Raiders won the Super Bowl. But for some reason him telling me this was a complete turnoff and after that I didn’t want him anywhere near my hair or me. Who knows where those hands had been or what thoughts flashed through his mind while he was caressing my head. So I stopped “seeing” him and it’s been almost a year since he’s done my hair.

So, imagine my surprise yesterday, when I’m at work and I get a random phone call from him. Apparently his car broke down and for some logical reason he had decided to call me? for a ride. I told him I was at work, but I would try to find someone who might be able to help him out. (Just because he’s a pervert doesn’t necessarily mean that I should leave him stranded, right)? He calls me back a few minutes later and says never mind, because he’s already worked it out. He thanks me for being such a, “down ass female” (something, something, blah, blah, blah) and that he appreciates my effort.

Ok great. I’m thinking, “Now I can get back to my day.” But oh no, then he goes ahead and asks me something stupid.

What is it with guys? These so called "simple" creatures, who like to eat, sleep, fart and piss off women. I know I am becoming the queen of deteriorating the male ego, but man the guys I meet sure say and do some stupid sh*t. Anyway, this fool proceeds to ask me, “Do you remember that thick (fat) Asian chick from your job? Because I was wondering if you could hook me up with her?” He also adds something about how since I haven’t showed any interest in dating him, maybe she will.

First of all, has anyone else ever picked up the phone and then wished they had let it go to voicemail?

Second, I want to make it clear that I am not a hater. My guy friends can vouch that I am quick to try and get them some booty. However, I am nobody’s pimp and I don’t know who the f*ck-the-fat-Asian-girl-at-my-old-job he was talking about!?



Guys. Answers. Please. I just don’t get the logic behind this whole scenario...

14 comments:

Don said...

I think dude mistakes your kindness for a weakness. He will be OK though. What I don't understand is, by your speaking good of him, why did you brush the brother off and stop letting him do your hair altogether? Sounds like he wanted a lil poo-nanny. He lose cool points trying to get you, someone he came onto, to hook him up with someone else. That's lame.

Mister Underhill said...

He just wanted a ride, one way or another.

Mortarbored said...

This guy is clearly a perv. I bet he saved your hair clippings after you left.

anonymousnupe said...

See, that's why straight guys don't do hair! We just can't take having a smoldering woman reclined near our crotch-al region, smelling all Coty, and all lathered up and water-drenched under our virile touch, "breaseses" unabashedly aimed skyward under our gaze, short mid-drift tank top sliding up to reveal a taut brown belly and possibly a hint of pink paisley, mesh Victoria’s Secret boy-shorts peeking out…The imagery and temptation are just too great! We just can’t take it! Dude shoulda know-ed he was in the wrong line of work…or had the wrong sexual propensity, one or the other.

c j. said...

it looks like you can't wash this guy out of your hair.

UBERMOUTH said...

That's the small dick, smaller brain syndrome.

Ebonne said...

girl, I have the same problem... always answering the phone knowing damn well I should have sent it to voicemail... i have a short fuse though so they usually hear the clickerman before they can get the chance to extremely annoy me.

BottleBlonde said...

Thank God my hairdresser is gay. Though come to think of it, I do get jealous that he wears better clothes than me. But I'll tell you what, he gives great head ... massages.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Ooh, a fat Asian chick! If you do find her number, send it my way. I'd like to show her my big thick eggroll and squirt my duck sauce on her chest.

country roads said...

lol @ cj

I don't get it at all. I like to have female hair dressers because I like to pretend that they will cut my hair into some god-like sexy style that will drive them and every other woman out there mad with desire. I'll give you 3 guesses as to how that works out. side note: I wear a hat a lot.

this guy's just screwed up. Perhaps you need to move east ;-)

MsPuddin said...

don- that is lame, boo to the creepy male hairdresser

mister underhill- Yeah, but that’s like calling a girl you ve only went on one date with and asking her if you can borrow money…

mortarbored- eww, like that guy in Charlie’s Angels

anonymousnupe- LOL damn you should write a hot romance novel or something

cj.- I should have titled this post “the haunted hairdresser”

ubermouth- maybe that’s why he offered to eat my box, he was compensating…

ebonne- ha ha, yeah sometimes I play the “can’t hear you, your breaking up” card

bottle blonde- yeah I used to get great “head” until I got offered some REAL head. Man I’m jealous. Where are all the gay guys? I need a gay hairdresser and a gay best friend.

mighy dyckerson- would you settle for some Puddin’?

country roads- I’ve been wearing a lot of hats too, since my hairdresser turned into some creepy pervert. I was contemplating a move east because of my “luck” with cars…

onthevirg said...

I used to have a male hairdresser. (I guess that’s what the title would be for a man who did my hair)?

No, the official title would actually be "gay."

As to the other stuff, the dude's obviously like 90% of the male population. In other words, a giant, awkward around women retard.

phishez_rule said...

He's a guy. He wants to get laid. End of story.

Maybe he's trying to make you jealous by asking you to hook him up with another woman.

STILL_POCAHONTAZ said...

Well at least you have'nt been propositioned in the back of the beauty supply store by the male associate for favors in trade of a discount for hair products. Im talkin about a freakin bottle of $3.99 pink oil....sheesh!