The village called, they want their handicap sticker back...

Either the guys I date are getting dumber or…you know what, I’m not even going to finish that sentence.

A friend of mine keeps telling me that I have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my prince. But gheezus, I’ve kissed the entire pond, licked a lily pad (ok that sounds just wrong), accidentally made out with a crawdad and wrestled an alligator. My lips are slimy, I’m wet, cold, tired, possibly infected and I just want to go home to my honey already.

Humphffffff. * Proceeds to push out bottom lip and pout *

So I met this guy during Thanksgiving weekend. He is my best friend’s, boyfriend’s childhood friend (if that makes any sense). We met and hit it off that night enjoying each other’s company. I gave him my number, but later discovered that he lived two hours away. He recently moved closer to home, but still not close enough for us to actually go out on a date. So we basically pillow talk and that’s about it.

Here is the 411 on this guy: He’s ridiculously good-looking, (half black, half Sicilian) tall, nice, fun to hang out with (we’ve actually only hung out twice). Here is the catch: He recently broke it off with his fiancé, leaving her and their house, moved back in with his parents to “get back on his feet” (which is the reason he moved closer to me). He also around the same time got a DUI and has no cell phone. Did I mention he’s a nice guy? I know, I know a sh*t load of red flags went up a long time ago, but I think I was bent over kissing a frog when they started flashing.

Anyway, one can only imagine my surprise yesterday when he called me to tell me his car, which he isn’t even supposed to be driving, got towed and he needs $230 to get it back. Um, let me rephrase that, he was wondering if I had $230 to “loan” him so he could get his car back. I’m sorry, the last time we kicked it did I have ATM stamped on my forehead? No, I didn’t.

WTF??? Why did he ask me? Things would be different if he was my man. Things might have even been different if we had, oh I don’t know, at some point in time broke bread together.

Oh and that’s not even the best part. Does anyone want to know why his car got towed? This fool went and parked in a handicap spot. *pause for dramatic affect* He made it way too easy for me to make a remedial joke on his behalf. I think he might just need one of those handicap stickers to put on his car.

Please tell me it gets better. Somebody. Anybody? See why I was contemplating lesbianism? Nupe you might just get your wish sooner than expected…