Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The ABCs of Watching Porn

Creepy older guy is at it again. No not you, that other guy…

Apparently one of the most recent problems in public libraries is “second-hand porn.” It’s not like second-hand smoke, because it can’t kill you, but “oh my eyes! my eyes!”

The concern is that since the library is a public place that serves the community, anyone can come in and use the facilities. That means any guy (girl?) off the street can come use the computer to download porn and whack off. There have been a few instances where officials have actually caught a man strokin’ his shaboinka in a public library.

Another concern of “second-hand porn” is from parents who want to filter the computers so that their kids don’t come across any unexpected pop ups. But if we start filtering the computers the next victim could be their child. Hey I’m just saying. Don’t shoot the messenger. And little Johnny and Betty Sue are going to learn someday. Might as well make it educational. I used to learn from pop up books. There can’t be that much of a difference.

Well, in the meantime, I’ve come up with a solution I think would solve this problem. The library should have a Champagne room. Why not? If we can give people off the streets a place to come in and get a load off, it might reduce some of the crime rate. Of course there is “no sex in the Champagne room,” only self-gratification.

And while we’re at it, why not go ahead and put a bar or lounge in the library too. Libraries are too quiet. Oh and a stripper pole. If there is a stripper pole right in the children’s room, it might scare the children out of the library altogether and we won’t have anything to worry about.

See how good I am at problem solving?

23 comments:

A.Venegas said...

Honestly though, who looks at porn in the public library!? Get dialup if broadband is too expensive, for Jebus sake.

Don said...

I don't think your solution would work msP...lol

Sounds too much like a club joint

Ms. Behaving said...

LOL @ "See how good I am at problem solving".....

I dunno Ms. P --- [while I would certainly give you an "E" for your effort], Don's got a pretty good point...in that it just wouldn't work but ummm I suspect that somewhere DEEP WITHIN you already knew that right?!?!.

LOL

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

ok another reason just for me to never step a foot in the public library.

UBERMOUTH said...

You should be the first female president!Now tell me how I can get rid of my stalker?

Mortarbored said...

You learned about SEX from a POP UP book? Let me just get this staight. SEX. POP. UP.

Wait...isn't that where everyone learns it? ;)

Betty said...

oh man, you would have to have so much disinfectant spray for that room. Can you imagine popping at the mouse knowing where it had been or how many sticky fingers had touched it? ew!

I'm glad I can do my porn perving in my own home champagne room~!

STILL_POCAHONTAZ said...

.....and how about on your way out the door, someone standing there to offer a hug and a piece of cake.LMAO, you are nutz, your imagination is wicked!!!

LMAO @ betty

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I say we close the libraries and burn the books.

All the dangerous ideas come from books.

Suite B said...

My vote is NO...what worries me is that the little old lady at the library is really the big freak and she may join the old nasty men in the back room. Thanks to you I will never visit another library again, thank god for the internet and good bookstores

AnkleBone said...

I think it's interesting that the shaboinker rubber was a gent named John Titter. I mean, who can blame him? It must be in his jeans... er, I mean genes....

Hex said...

Wow, this puts a whole new twist on that old Broadway favorite:

Madam Librarian
What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear
I love you madly, madly Madam Librarian ..Marian
Heaven help us if the library caught on fire
And the Volunteer Hose Brigademen
Had to whisper the news to Marian ..Madam Librarian!
What can I say, my dear, to make it clear
I need you badly, badly, Madam Librarian ..Marian
If I stumbled and I busted my what-you-may-call-it
I could lie on your floor
'Till my body had turned to carrion ..Madam Librarian.
Now in the moonlight, a man could sing it
In the moonlight
And a fellow would know that his darling
Had heard ev'ry word of his song
With the moonlight helping along.
But when I try in here to tell you, dear
I love you madly, madly, Madam Librarian ..Marian
It's a long lost cause I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian ..Madam Librarian.


Have I got your attention NOW, Marian? How bout them apples!?

Becky said...

I can't believe people watch porn in libraries, do they wack it in the library too?! Next time I use the computers at school, I'll make sure to keep my eyes on my own monitor so as to avoid any unwanted images. Then again, I won't be able to resist catching someone in the act.

Bella said...

I knew there was a reason why I haven't been to the library in a while....

Opinionated Diva said...

Have the library turn into one of those sleazy book stores with the dark room at the back where strange looking people walk around touching their "shaboinker"? Nah...I don't think so. LOL!

BottleBlonde said...

I'll bet the librarians are the biggest perps.

Thoughts of a Diva said...

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

MsPuddin said...

a.v- or a playboy? Wtf

don- aw come on, you got to at least give it a try first…

ms.b- you and don are looking at it all wrong, try looking at it from a different angle…

diarrhea of the mouth- what are the other two?

ubermouth- send him to my new library!

mortarbored- no, no, no, I learned about sex from … uh well not a pop up book!

betty- good point. Plastic coverings on all mousse!

still_p- good idea too. I’ll jot that down…

bug’s butt- oooo fire that sounds fun. Oh and we can run around naked chanting, “we don’t need no water let the mfcker burn!”

suite b- ha I bet librarians are a bunch of freaks…

anklebone- good observation. I feel sorry for the kid, all he needed was a few moments in my champagne room…

hex- yeah I wonder what does go on at the library at night…

bella- yeah I would say now is not that best time to bring your boys for any extra educational reading…

opinionated diva- I think you just described either a crack house or a whore house…

bottleblondes- I bet they are! They are probably the ones downloading the most porn…

thoughts of a diva- :)

MsPuddin said...

becky- could you imagine catching someone? That would have to be a traumatic experience..!

G-Sweet said...

yea just imagining that is sick... i mean really how do u sneak and do some shit like that... ahahaha!

*shaking head*

elyse the portuguese said...

These weirdos must be in it for the whole public aspect. Getting a hold of porn is a little TOO easy these days. In fact I have porn ON Demand, aka "Maxx after dark"

I just wish we could all be honest with eachother. When you couldn't get your daily porn fill, you sure as fuck did not think "fuck, I guess I have to go to the public library now. I guess I gotta get a library card now..probably good to have on hand anyways for times like these.. ughh all those people will be around...I might have to try and wack it through my jean pocket..Do I finish? Do I just watch and then save it for later? Should I bring a few tissues?"

Maybe it STARTED like this but the veterans gotta be in it for one reason and one reason only.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

i feel stupid in a library and i can't reach half the books cuz i'm short.

Muze said...

ha! lol. i remember my sister and i were at the library and we saw this homeless dude on the computer looking at pornographic pictures. we reported him too...dirty behind. there were children all around him and he's looking at arses. lol.

the librarian rolled her eyes but said there was really nothing she could do because it was for 'public' use. it was hilarious.