Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Renaming Our Lady Lips


* Warning!! This post contains a high volume usage of the word VAGINA reader discretion is advised.

I hate the word vagina. Why does such an amazing piece of anatomy get the name vagina? Life is so unfair. It had to be a man who came up with the idea of naming an important part of the female body, vagina. I mean penis isn’t much better, but vagina makes me want to go out and give blue balls to any guy who disagrees with me. (Is there even such a thing as blue balls?)

Anyway, the two strips of bacon, guarding the cum dumpster is already a scary place to some. Aside from a pimply 13-year-old virgin, boy with braces (who I wouldn’t want near my twat in the first place), there are women out there afraid to look at their own kitty kat. If anyone hasn’t seen the Tyra episode of the 28-year-old woman who is afraid to look at her own cooch, please youtube it. There is also an episode of “Sex and the City” when Charlotte was afraid to look at her poon.

I’m terrified of spiders, but they aren’t a part of my body. How can someone be afraid of the same anatomy they popped out of and use everyday? (I’m talking about going pee people. Get your minds out the gutter!) The v-spot is such a powerful piece of equipment. Learn to love it ladies. Embrace it. Take control of your jerky strips! It took me a long time to realize that pussi has power.

Why are we aren’t we more inclined to get to know the monkey? Get a Brazilian, rub some oil on that puppy, spray some scented lotion and call it a day. Soon I’m talking meal tickets, diamonds, shoes, the ability to spend seven days with your head spinning around in a circle while shooting venom and getting away with it. Guys leave the toilet seat up and barely live to see another day. Woman can bleed for seven days out of their velvet treasures and not die. That’s impressive.

It just sucks that we have PC muscles and babies and all this greatness happens from a something called the vagina? Once we become one with our boxes, we need to come up with a better name than vagina.

Suggestions???

19 comments:

Divalicious said...

The name should be changed to PERFECTION. It should be changed in the dictionary to the new definition and posted everywhere. Vagina is just a repulsive word, in addition to a long list of other words that should not be used.

You never cease to crack my ass up. Where do you come up with this shit?

Comatose Chris said...

The most common ones I hear when ladies reference their lady parts are: cooter, vajayjay and honey pot. Again, another awesome and random post. Must because you write them in the A.M.

Hex said...

One of the sexiest women I know occasionally makes reference to "The Gine," but in more personal moments it's all about her See You Next Tuesday.

All words can be beautiful when used the right way -- although I'm not sure if I wanted to impress someone I'd use as many references to bacon as you did in this post.

At the same time, I'm now thinking of that great old commercial where the hungry dog is saying "It's ...BACON!!!" in a whole new light.

G-Sweet said...

okay...

"two strips of bacon"...
"cum dumpster"...
"twat"...
"kitty-kat"...
"cooch"...
"poon"...
"v-spot"...
"jerky strips"...
"pussi"... ;0)
"monkey"...
"puppy"...
"boxes"

all in reference to VAGINA!... thats gotta be a record!...lol!

- now when i 1st started reading this i fell back in my seat like here we go with some ultra-feminism about a word that no one has control over... but as i read i have to say I AGREE WIT YA!...

every since 16 i've had a love for "insert alternate v-word here" so it should have a more glorious name... i refuse to try... but whatever women choose is okay wit me!

Betty said...

You know I heartily agree with this post. Let's veto the medical profession and make up a new terminology for the fluffy, girl genital.

I don't have any suggestions right now, but I can tell you The Front Bum, like some morons are wont to call it, will not be cutting it!

Great post, made me laugh.

BottleBlonde said...

Chia pet.

Anyway, as a child I was scared of mine. I absolutely hated looking at it. Things have changed quite a bit since then. Now I take pics of it, drink 40s with it, and even whisper sweet nothings in its beef flaps.

STILL_POCAHONTAZ said...

SUPER PUSSY...YEAH I LIKE THAT...it does everything except sleep..LMAO, you make me nasty Ms P..I can't hang around you anymore, I must go wash my mouth out with soap now..lol

the two strips of bacon sounds so greasy...me no likey..LOL

I will stay callin it a coochie...that is all

Steph said...

I like an abbreviated version- Vadge, or Giny, or even flange. Vagina sounds awful kinda like a disease. "I have a bad case of vagina at the moment, I hope it clears up soon".

marky said...

i don't like the word vagina much either but honey pot?...ha fucking ha. chia pet is classic and venus fly trap is closer to the truth.

Prunella Jones said...

My grandmother always referred to it as a peablossom. As in, "quit showing those boys your peablossom, honey!"

thehoustongirl said...

LMAO @ Peablossom!!! um I don't even have a name for mine...it's just THERE. I wipe it when bathing or using the bathroom and even though I haven't given her any "man sausage" lately [LMAO!!!!!] i duno....Happy Turkey Day Ms.Pudding I.AM.SO....HIGH! and not from the dry ass turkey I had to eat LOL

now i feel inspired to write in my blog lol

Janelle said...

I know I don't comment like EVER, but you are soooo one of my favorite bloggers!! Thanks for keeping me laughing -like all the time!! Keep up the good work and my suggestion is..."stocking stuffer"...I like that, it's kinda fun/ cute and it can have an extra meaning *wink wink* LOL

Ebonne said...

Nice post... and I cant think of anything that it can be changed to generally, but I tend to call my little friend juicy!

Mortarbored said...

Yeah, it's all about the VAGINA POWER

Mister Underhill said...

I kinda like vagina - it just needs a new ad campaign; vagina: it's what's for dinner!

Don said...

I like the name "juicy."

MsPuddin said...

divalicious- I don't know, honestly I surprise myself with this shit sometimes...

chris- vajayjay! I forgot about that word...!

hex- sorry if I caused any traumaztic visuals by relating the vagina to bacon

G- I was trying to get them all in there...and whats wrong with ultra femininsm, hater...

betty- I'm looking forward to any further suggestions, please drop them in the suggestions box

bottleblonde- lol Chia pet sounds like something that needs vitamins and to be watered...

still_p- I saw your posts, you're nasty all on your own woman!

steph- vagina does sound contagious

marky- venus fly trap is kind of negative, I like honey pot, as a pet name...

prunella jones- grandma knew what was up!

thehoustongirl- oh girl you need to pay more attenion, the pea blossom is valuable

janelle- hi! thanks for sneeking in...

ebonne- juicy fruit! love it!

mortarbored- ha ha I forgot about that lady...wow...

mister underhill- yes! vagina, theres not good living with out good eating!

don- I'm sure you do...

So@24 said...

Greedy love bunkers.

WendyB said...

ROTFLMAO. Divalicious nailed it. So to speak.