Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Funky Town in My Face

I’m starting to get the feeling people are giving up. They wake up in the morning and just say, “f*ck it.”

I’m not talking about someone doing a nosedive off a seven-foot building, after chasing their last prescription of Paxil with a bottle of vodka. I’m talking about hygiene people. People be FUN-KY! Not James Brown funky, Pepe LePew funky.

I shouldn’t have to hold my breath when trying to have a conversation with someone. And when I take a step back, this maneuver does not invite their funky ass to take a step closer. Back up!

In addition, on my way home from work yesterday, I saw a man pull his pants down around his ankles and take a whiz. It was in broad daylight out on the corner of the street! The weird part is I can only be grateful it was number one instead of number two.

I’m still a little traumatized. And so I thought I would go over the basics of cleanliness for folks. Please pay close attention to the photos below...

Item A: Soap.

A very simple mechanism used to clean the body. Works best with water. Most people use it in the shower. For best results, it is recommended to shower daily.

Item B: A toothbrush and toothpaste. (Can’t have one without the other)!

These tools are used to clean teeth. If they fail to work, other alternative solutions are, mouthwash, gum, or perhaps a mint.

Item C: Deodorant.

This product works best after showering. Apply to the underarm area. I’m not sure, just a thought here. But if one were to continuously cake this stuff on, without showering, it might not have the same effect.

These are just some basic steps. When people get more advanced I can go into detail about perfume, body sprays, lotions, etc. Right now lets stick to the basics and try to stay oh so fresh and so clean…

20 comments:

Mister Underhill said...

I've been considering moving my monthly shower to once a week.

Don said...

You do know you're wrong for this post right...lol

Outkast was the bomb

MsPuddin said...

mr u- please do, I can smell you from here…

don- I know. But if I don’t say it who will?

Ms. Behaving said...

[SMH] and not at your post but at the fact that people don't already know this maaaaannnnn!!!

LOL

So@24 said...

What kind of people are you hanging out with, girl??

c.watson said...

Soap and water? I've been doing it wrong, dammit!

Yes, I'll have another said...

I can't say I've noticed people being fun-ky around these parts, but when I do notice it my head snaps back like I've been punched in the throat. It sucks.

G-Sweet said...

BATHING!...

some MAY... some MAY NOT... but u can damn well bet... I DO!

Bella said...

I need to print this out and give it to some of my patients...

I've gotten to be very good and holding my breath discreetly!

:) Bella

BottleBlonde said...

Stank breath is THE WORST. I feel like my nose is melting off when I'm subjected to someone with an asshole for a mouth.

MsPuddin said...

ms. behaving- SMH?? I know better get it right!

so@24- no I don’t hang out with these people. I’m talking about people who come into my job and order food, smelling like funk. How can you eat smelling like that!?

c. watson- water then soap, just as long as you put the two together…

g-sweet- I would hope so. Especially if you want me to kick it w yo ass!

bella- please, pass it along. I’m surprised I haven’t passed out at work from holding my breath…

bottleblonde- stank breath is right up there with peeing in broad daylight. There are so many new technologies in the breath freshening department, I just don’t get it…

MsPuddin said...

yes, ill have another-I know what kind of world are we living in when we can’t leave the house without a neck brace and nose plugs…

phishez_rule said...

I do dancing. Latin dancing. Where you get nice and close to people for extended periods of time. The only other way I get that close to people is if there's no clothes.

Yeah, I agree. My dance instructor carries around bags of mints.

country roads said...

We have a woman here at work that apparently washes her hair once a week. And boy does it show. The actual body washing and teeth brushing I'm guessing is no more than twice probably. She smelled so strongly the other day that it actually got in your mouth if you were talking near her. I want to hold her down and throw bleach and soap on her and hose her off. Clothed of course, because ...ew.

mp1 said...

So he took an ace on the corner of the street in broad daylight? That's just gangsta! Wow! The keast he could have done was wait until the cover of night had descended and done it in a more discreet area. i ownder if he was drunk.

It's a shame folks don't take heed to the hygeine lessons learned in youth. *smdh*

Hex said...

Back in college I had a philosiphy class where I sat behind this hippiechick who seemed nice enough when you talked to her, but seemed determined to dress like pigpen from Charlie Brown every day.

The absolute worst was the day I was so bored in class I was kinda staring off into space, realized I was kinda looking into the tangles of blond hair on her head -- only to realize there was not one, but THREE caterpillars crawling around inside her 'doo.

Guys get gross (which doesn't make it right) but to see Betty the Bug lady and her little menagerie there was an eye opener I'll never forget.

UBERMOUTH said...

Boy you are dropping your standards if you only require cleanliness!P.S I am back.

A.Venegas said...

I'm offended. A man's musk is like a calling card. That's like asking a Leprichuan to give up his pot o' gold. Or something like that...

MsPuddin said...

p_r- oh yeah but latin dancing is hot! I wouldn’t mind sweatin’ w a Porter Rican papi!

cr- I once heard a comedian talking about someone smelling so bad, when he breathed them in he actually farted…

mp1- yup. Popped a squat in the middle of the day. Had to be drunk. I thought guys peed standing up? That’s was just random…

hex- now that’s a funny story. Home girl was so hippie she had a greenhouse in her hair…

uber- yeah I know. Welcome back!

a.v.- we can put up w ball scratching, but must is not the business…

Muze said...

OMG you don't even understand the smells that cross the counter at the bank. i told my coworkers i was going to put up a sign..."if you smell like ass, i can't help your ass." lol..whew!